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“Wanna get married?”
“Alright (checks watch) but I can only do it for 72 hours.”
“Okay, cool, best get a move on then.”
This is obviously what Kris Humphries casually said to Kim Kardarshian over a pint down their local pub one night; both dressed in velour.
So, with a list as long as a human leg of celebrity marriages that we have so gullibly followed and photographed, why is another tits-up-wedding SO scandalous and shocking?
10 - 100 movie spoilers in four minutes, as read by some idiots…
9 - Good things to do with lightning – I09
8 - The Cruises and the Beckhams continue their festive turd-off – Popsugar
7 - Some fools decide that the title Tron 2 doesn’t sound enough like the name of a trashy celebrity website. Changes are made accordingly – Cinemablend
6 - A picture of a big bird, anyone? OK – Flickr
5 - The MySpace page of a hecklerspray reader who we accidentally insulted in print yesterday - MySpace
4 - Christmas presents for the man you feel convention-bound to spend a fortune on, even though your hectic work schedule means you never see him enough to know what he actually wants – Esquire
3 - 26 mugshots of 26 prostitutes. 26 different versions of the anti-Piper - Thejebbica
2 - The Simpsons suddenly gets good again, and all at Apple’s expense – Engadget
1 - Britney‘s X Factor appearance. deconstructed – Popjustice
Britney Spears has been offered the chance to play nutjob Blanche DuBois in an upcoming London stage play of Tennessee Williams’ A Streetcar Named Desire.
You may be wondering why on earth anyone in their right mind would deem Britney Spears an appropriate figure to take on the role of one of America’s all time great femme fatales but, before you get carried away with that thought, just stop to consider a few things:
First of all, Blanche, as all over 50s and film students know, comes from a small town in Mississippi. And where does Britney come from? That’s right; a small town in Mississippi.
You know, being a celebrity is not it's all cracked up to be.
We may see the fast cars, huge mansions and endless parties as something to envy. But at least when us 'civilians' are caught on camera making a fool of ourselves when drunk, we only have to bear the taunts of our friends. Unless, of course, some clever bastard has put the images on Facebook. But that's a whole other story.
You see, it could be worse – you could be a celebrity. Yes, they may lead a life of luxury, but they are only human beings after all. No, really. So if they're caught on camera making a drunken tit of themselves, the whole world has an opinion.
Some publishers will mock, others will be morally outraged, while some, even worse, would just ignore it.And even when you think it's died down, some website or TV programme does one of those annoying top 10s. Bastards!
