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It must be hard being Pippa Middleton; trying to be a serious business woman and gallivanting around London, made all the more difficult because everyone knows you for being the one with the arse that stole your sister’s wedding day.
Poor, poor Pippa.
But a tabloid picture editor has come forward and announced that newspapers would be offered around 300 or 400 pictures PER DAY of the fitter Middleton, none of which are of her arse.
There’s only one way to start an article about Piers Morgan and that’s with an unabashed string of obscenities and threats aimed squarely at the former Mirror editor and dough-faced clown. Unfortunately though, we have to be (minutely) more professional than that and would therefore urge you to launch your own insults at this image of his pompous face.
Still, what brings us to bother writing about alleged phone-hacker and self-confessed crymaxer, Morgan?
Well, it turns out that he’s had enough of being a sideshow to Howie Mandel (whoever the hell that is) and is taking time out to focus on becoming America’s most hated Pariah.
Every six months, like clockwork, an event happens that assures us of the revolution of the earth and the cosmic alignment of the stars bringing summer and winter ever closer. We are referring- of course- to the biannual split of F1 moaner Lewis Hamilton and surprisingly talented ex-Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger.
Yes, as sure as the sun sets in the West, the couple have now moved to end their relationship after 4 years together with Lewis reported to be so upset that he actually considered calling his father before realising he was Paul Di Resta’s dad now, not his.
The split has been blamed on the pair struggling to spend time together due to their hectic work schedules but you’re not really interested in that, are you? You want some completely unfounded muck-raking. Don’t you?
Lady GaGa is a real Europhile. She loves Europop, castles, actually having history that’s older than a hundred years and our general fondness for vague xenophobia for each other (presumably). And Britain has a special place in GaGa’s diamond studded heart.
How so? Well, it has been reported that GaGa loves Ol’ Blighty to such a stupid extent that she’s been asking her minions to talk to her in a cockney accent.
That’s right! She’s fallen in love with the single most annoying accent the British Isles possesses (yes, that includes the Birmingham accent, the Glaswegian estates dialect and Ian Paisley). We can only assume that she’s going to start littering her camp-pop with rhyming slang such as ‘Hamsteads’ (Hampstead Heath = teeth) and James Blunt (self explanatory).
British people, it’s time to celebrate – the world’s smuggest, dreariest, most interminable music awards show likes our music!
Some of the nominations for next year’s Grammys have been announced, and British names like Robert Plant, Adele, Duffy, MIA and Radiohead are all over them. Now we’re not saying that this is because 2008 was a bad year for music, but Coldplay did get seven nominations, so we suppose in retrospect we are a bit.
And this is just the start – next year the rest of the Grammy nominations are announced, including Best Native American Music Album. Come on Coldplay! Make it eight!
Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, myths, ancient artifacts, religion, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.
In 1914 the British army was retreating from the Germans near the city of Mons, Belgium. WWI was beginning to blaze, and the soldiers apparently thought if they could just find a place to make a stand they might be able to change their fortunes. That place wasn’t found – but more Germans were.
It appeared all was lost until – according to legend – the heavens opened and some sort of apparition swooped in to aid the side of good.
This is the story of the Angels of Mons.
