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Britain’s Got Talent

Susan Boyle Wants To Take Over The World Now She’s Not Mental

by Matthew Laidlow

You know Susan Boyle, she’s the frumpy women who looks like a diner lady and bored the tits off everyone during Britain’s Got Talent. Like everyone, we assumed that she would crumble and fizzle on stage due to Simon Cowell’s stare that basically means “you are rubbish and I can’t exploit you for money”. Despite [...]

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Susan Boyle Leaves Clinic: Let The Harrowing Spectacle Continue!

by Stuart Heritage

So, Susan Boyle, then. Is it television’s fault that she ended up in a clinic? The public’s fault? The media’s?

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Susan Boyle In The Priory: Britain’s Got An Invariably Bleak Ending

by Stuart Heritage

Let this be a lesson about the dangers of fame. Or the dangers of Simon Cowell. Or the dangers of singing showtunes with a monobrow.

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Britain’s Got Talent Final: Diversity Win! Kill Us Now! We Mean It!

by Paul Gibson

It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. The paparazzi were waiting outside ITV with their wide-angle lenses attached, the party in Blackburn’s village hall was ready to go (crisps, pop and some raw horse meat for Susan Boyle to tear into), and a lady who lives with 30 cats in Wisconsin had pre-written a Wikipedia [...]

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Britain’s Got Talent: Mid-Semis Roundup And Sweary Susan Boyle

by Paul Gibson

We’re halfway up the Everest of semi-finals week, and ITV have kindly given us a little sniff from a tank of oxygen, in the form of a day with no show. Caution: metaphor-stretching ahead. Since setting off from auditions basecamp, it’s been a steady slog up the north face of Britain’s Got Talent. The air’s [...]

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Lily Allen Doesn’t Like Susan Boyle Very Much! BURN HER!

by Stuart Heritage

Things aren’t always black and white, you know. There’s not always one goodie and one baddie in every fight.

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Britain’s Got Talent Pt 2: Through At Last, Through At Last, Susan Boyle Is Through At Last

by Paul Gibson

In many ways, Susan Boyle’s journey on Britain’s Got Talent is much like the history of America’s Civil Rights Movement. Both have shown that it is wrong to judge people based on appearance. Both have proven that the oppressed can, through strength of spirit and unshakable belief in what is right, break down barriers and [...]

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Britain’s Got Talent Pt 1: Britain’s Got 4,000 Urban Dance Groups

by Paul Gibson

Britain’s Got Talent on Saturday began to tell us which 40 acts were to perform again for the public vote. And you’ll never guess which Oprah-loving, Obama-hating, probably metal bar-bending Sottish singer made it. Give yourself ten points and a furtive crotch massage if you guessed Susan Boyle, she of The Voice, The Modesty and [...]

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Britain’s Got Talent: Susan Boyle To Win?

by Stuart Heritage

And now, thanks to yet another woeful miscalculation, our look at Britain’s Got Talent draws to an end a week earlier than it should. Because of this, next week we’ll be looking at the contenders to be the next female host of This Morning, which is just wonderful. But anyway, you know the deal by [...]

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Britain’s Got Talent: But What About Jamie Pugh?

by Stuart Heritage

Britain’s Got Talent fans, you’ve come to the right place. Well, maybe not the right place. You’ve come to a place. Because all this week we’re running down the top five contestants who we think will win Britain’s Got Talent. Not literally running them down, you understand – as satisfying as that would be, it’d [...]

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