This is Britain, can’t you see? We love reality TV… Like animals we hoot and jeer, with gobs of marmite, chips and beer…

Now think of everything at stake, You’d think there were complaints to make… of scandal-ridden politicians, ID cards and gas emissions…

But oh we love our talent shows, the dancing freaks that Simon chose, we laugh but then we pick our brains,

the circus-goer soon complains… Sod elections! Stuff the Queen! This talent show is really mean! We take offence! You made her cry…

Now all of ITV must DIE!