Articles tagged with: Britain’s Got Talent
Rolf Harris Wants To Sing With The Crying Child From Britain’s Got Talent
There have been a couple of musical collaborations throughout the course of history that have stunk of poo. Sometimes there are two things you’d never imagine recording together to see how it sounds. Cats and pencil sharpeners, dogs and electricity and small children and small pieces of glass will all have dire consequences. But what happens when something we all know will be utter rubbish comes together? Pending crapness is the answer. Just ask Rolf Harris and that Hollie Steel girl from Britain's Got Talent who kept on crying.
There have been a couple of musical collaborations throughout the course of history that have stunk of poo. Sometimes there are two things you’d never imagine recording together to see how it sounds. Cats and pencil sharpeners, dogs and electricity and small children and small pieces of glass will all have dire consequences. But what happens when something we all know will be utter rubbish comes together? Pending crapness is the answer. Just ask Rolf Harris and that Hollie Steel girl from Britain's Got Talent who kept on crying.
Susan Boyle Set To Bother You On X Factor
We dreamed a dream once. It involved us being dipped in Belgian chocolate and then being placed in the middle of a field full of cows and sheep. Don’t ask us what happened next, but suffice to say we don’t see those animals in the same way we once did. They're not as cuddly and cute as the books make out. Someone else who is all about dreams is Scottish mentalist Susan Boyle. While we don’t really want to know what goes on inside her head, she has sung I Dreamed A Dream a few times. Granted, it’s only been twice but the entire population of the world will have seen it now. Dermot O'Leary wants to pimp her out on X Factor. Hopefully she’ll sing another song. In the style of Slipknot. She probably won't.
We dreamed a dream once. It involved us being dipped in Belgian chocolate and then being placed in the middle of a field full of cows and sheep. Don’t ask us what happened next, but suffice to say we don’t see those animals in the same way we once did. They're not as cuddly and cute as the books make out. Someone else who is all about dreams is Scottish mentalist Susan Boyle. While we don’t really want to know what goes on inside her head, she has sung I Dreamed A Dream a few times. Granted, it’s only been twice but the entire population of the world will have seen it now. Dermot O'Leary wants to pimp her out on X Factor. Hopefully she’ll sing another song. In the style of Slipknot. She probably won't.
It’s A Britain’s Got Talent Story Not Featuring Susan Boyle!
Are you still there? Hello? Is anyone still reading this after glancing at the title? We’re sorry to disappoint you. This isn't about Susan Boyle. Unfortunately, she hasn’t tried to drink the blood of an Englishman or had multiple botox injections. To depress you further, this isn't about the winners of the 2009 final, Diversity, either. Frankly, they don't have a decent sob story, so we're not interested. Instead, we’re going to divert our attention to Fred Bowers, who appeared on the show. Don’t know who he is? What about when we say body-popping, breakdancing pensioner Fred Bowers?
Are you still there? Hello? Is anyone still reading this after glancing at the title? We’re sorry to disappoint you. This isn't about Susan Boyle. Unfortunately, she hasn’t tried to drink the blood of an Englishman or had multiple botox injections. To depress you further, this isn't about the winners of the 2009 final, Diversity, either. Frankly, they don't have a decent sob story, so we're not interested. Instead, we’re going to divert our attention to Fred Bowers, who appeared on the show. Don’t know who he is? What about when we say body-popping, breakdancing pensioner Fred Bowers?
Simon Cowell Combines X Factor & Britain’s Got Talent In One Gigantic Evil Move
Hey kids! Do you like being spoon fed popular culture that you’ll eventually get sick of when the next talented young thing comes along? You do? Well that’s that bloody fantastic. You might have heard of Simon Cowell. He’s a man who wants to destroy the way we consume music and make us all buy the same drivel every year. So far, Simon and his team of chuckling sidekicks known as Louis Walsh, Cheryl Cole, Danni Minogue and former monkey Sharon Osbourne have introduced us to annoying twerps such as The Cheeky Girls, Chico, Leona Lewis, Leon Jackson, Michelle McManus and Alexandra Burke. Honestly, each time we hear their songs, we jizz in excitement. We’ll have to reload our ballsacks a bit quicker - Simon is combining both of his primetime shows!
Hey kids! Do you like being spoon fed popular culture that you’ll eventually get sick of when the next talented young thing comes along? You do? Well that’s that bloody fantastic. You might have heard of Simon Cowell. He’s a man who wants to destroy the way we consume music and make us all buy the same drivel every year. So far, Simon and his team of chuckling sidekicks known as Louis Walsh, Cheryl Cole, Danni Minogue and former monkey Sharon Osbourne have introduced us to annoying twerps such as The Cheeky Girls, Chico, Leona Lewis, Leon Jackson, Michelle McManus and Alexandra Burke. Honestly, each time we hear their songs, we jizz in excitement. We’ll have to reload our ballsacks a bit quicker - Simon is combining both of his primetime shows!
Susan Boyle Ordered To Ditch Her Rubbishy Concerts
Do you have tickets for the Britain's Got Talent tour? You do? Then that means you're definitely one of the following. You're either a) really, really fond of street dance, or b) an actual idiot. And since, technically, the former is a subsection of the latter, you're basically an idiot either way. Unless you're going because you're related to that creepy saxophone man, in which case you have our profound sympathies. Or maybe you wanted to see Susan Boyle perform live. Well tough titties - Susan Boyle pulled out of her show in Manchester last night because doctors told her to.
Do you have tickets for the Britain's Got Talent tour? You do? Then that means you're definitely one of the following. You're either a) really, really fond of street dance, or b) an actual idiot. And since, technically, the former is a subsection of the latter, you're basically an idiot either way. Unless you're going because you're related to that creepy saxophone man, in which case you have our profound sympathies. Or maybe you wanted to see Susan Boyle perform live. Well tough titties - Susan Boyle pulled out of her show in Manchester last night because doctors told her to.
Susan Boyle Wants To Take Over The World Now She’s Not Mental
You know Susan Boyle, she’s the frumpy women who looks like a diner lady and bored the tits off everyone during Britain’s Got Talent. Like everyone, we assumed that she would crumble and fizzle on stage due to Simon Cowell’s stare that basically means “you are rubbish and I can’t exploit you for money”. Despite the show being stretched across an eight-week period, Susan Boyle kept on gaining the world’s attention. Famous people like Demi Moore and Barack Obama gave her support and YouTube nearly broke under the strain of people viewing her. However, she didn’t win and ended up going a bit mental. But it’s OK - she's taken some happy medicine and everything is all merry again.
You know Susan Boyle, she’s the frumpy women who looks like a diner lady and bored the tits off everyone during Britain’s Got Talent. Like everyone, we assumed that she would crumble and fizzle on stage due to Simon Cowell’s stare that basically means “you are rubbish and I can’t exploit you for money”. Despite the show being stretched across an eight-week period, Susan Boyle kept on gaining the world’s attention. Famous people like Demi Moore and Barack Obama gave her support and YouTube nearly broke under the strain of people viewing her. However, she didn’t win and ended up going a bit mental. But it’s OK - she's taken some happy medicine and everything is all merry again.
Susan Boyle Leaves Clinic: Let The Harrowing Spectacle Continue!
So, Susan Boyle. Is it television's fault that she ended up in a clinic? The public's fault? The media's? It doesn't matter. The fact is that Susan Boyle - a woman with a particularly evident mental fragility - found the stress of being famous too much to take, and we're all complicit. We need to remember that under all the showbiz glitz are real people with real emotions that need to be respec... WHAT'S THAT? Susan Boyle's out of treatment? BRILLIANT! You sort out her album and punishing promotional schedule and we'll score the heartbreaking front-page tell-all interview! WE'RE ALL RICH AGAIN!
So, Susan Boyle. Is it television's fault that she ended up in a clinic? The public's fault? The media's? It doesn't matter. The fact is that Susan Boyle - a woman with a particularly evident mental fragility - found the stress of being famous too much to take, and we're all complicit. We need to remember that under all the showbiz glitz are real people with real emotions that need to be respec... WHAT'S THAT? Susan Boyle's out of treatment? BRILLIANT! You sort out her album and punishing promotional schedule and we'll score the heartbreaking front-page tell-all interview! WE'RE ALL RICH AGAIN!
Susan Boyle In The Priory: Britain’s Got An Invariably Bleak Ending
Let this be a lesson about the dangers of fame. Or the dangers of Simon Cowell. Or the dangers of singing showtunes with a monobrow. Susan Boyle has entered The Priory to be treated for the special kind of emotional exhaustion that you only develop when the public adores you, then suddenly ditches you for a backflipping toddler with a girl's haircut. It means we'll never again see the Susan Boyle who we first fell for - you know, the heavily-edited Susan Boyle whose voice was deliberately obscured by applause to make her look better than she actually was. Sad.
Let this be a lesson about the dangers of fame. Or the dangers of Simon Cowell. Or the dangers of singing showtunes with a monobrow. Susan Boyle has entered The Priory to be treated for the special kind of emotional exhaustion that you only develop when the public adores you, then suddenly ditches you for a backflipping toddler with a girl's haircut. It means we'll never again see the Susan Boyle who we first fell for - you know, the heavily-edited Susan Boyle whose voice was deliberately obscured by applause to make her look better than she actually was. Sad.
