Brit awards - HecklerSpray

BRIT Awards Nomination Sadness: Ed Sheeran Still Horrendous

August 7th, 2012 By Euan L Davidson

The annual circle-jerking of overrated, but cosy, inoffensive British acts on major labels are all getting a trophy and a party bag. The Wanker Olympics Category Thing – or the BRIT Award Nominations as they’re more commonly known – have been announced, much to the chagrin of anyone with the remotest taste in music.

Sub-Jack-Johnson-and-no-really-there-are-worse-people-than-Jack-Johnson ginger Ed Sheeran has been nominated for 4 awards; if you don’t know Sheeran, he makes sickly, boring ballads for drunk, fat people to sing at 3am outside clubs, and all of his fans are terrible. It’s even worse when he tries rapping.

James Blake was nominated for British Male Solo Artist along with Noel Gallagher, Professor Green and others, which is insulting, because James Blake is genuinely talented [if you like drip-hop that has all the verve and guile of a life-support machine slowly dying itself, that is – Ed].

Top 10 Popstar Posessions

February 18th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

John Lennon once sang “Imagine no possessions, I wonder if you can?” Well actually, we can’t. We love rockstars and the daft things that define them. What would Lady GaGa be without her myriad of oddball possessions? Natasha Bedingfield, that’s who… and no-one wanted her in the first place.

And so, after seeing the little commercial spots during the Brit Awards coverage, where popstars talked about what was priceless to them – in the case of Lulu, a rather dazzling sequinned jacket, or the Ting Tings giving away their first guitar and such – we got thinking about our favourite things that popstars have.

Think about Slash without a top hat or Michael Jackson without a spangly glove or monkey? They become a bit rubbish don’t they?

HecklerPlay: Brit Award Nominations Announced, UK Music Curls Up And Dies

August 7th, 2012 By Matthew Laidlow

Once upon a time, bands and artists were nominated for musical awards based on the merit of the audio they committed to LPs. Now, it seems that you can predict the nominees for ceremonies months in advance. Lady Gaga could release an album where she tapes herself constructing a shelf. It could sell bugger-all, but if a good marketing campaign backs it up, then some idiot will buy it.

Hooray for the humble PR team, the people who are paid to promote artists and generate advertising for them at inappropriate times ? such as Take That on every single TV show and advert when opportunity becomes available.

Given that, let us offer our worthless opinion for this year?s nominations that had a great marketing team, appeared at festivals or featured in trashy magazines.

TV Review: The Brits 2010

February 17th, 2010 By Nik Johnson

There are loads of reasons to be proud of being British. An army of lads taking over an Eastern European capital on a stag do; lazy racism perpetuated through newspapers; the BNP.

The one thing that really does make us bloody brilliant is music.

Popstars eh, aren’t they just wonderful? With all their singing and dancing and sitting on tour-coaches and tolerating interviews with Jonathan Ross. Plus the other stuff they, um, probably do. The ultra rich need a night of free alcohol and to celebrate each other’s wonderfulness, before the inevitable decline towards cruise ships and the Line Up round on Buzzcocks. And so, the Brits. The painful pseudo-live event that reminds everyone involved just how fleeting fame is. JLS will be watching the 2012 Brits on their sofa at home, bitterly Tweeting about Geri Halliwell.

Florence (Without The Machine): Brit Award Nominations Are ‘Unbelievable’

January 20th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

You’ve heard Florence and the Machine right? Of course you have. Every single time you turn the television on, you’re likely to hear the caterwaul yelping of their dreadful cover of You Got The Love. In fact, you can’t move without hearing it.

The government is planning on making it mandatory listening. Every time you open your eyes in the morning, a small speaker installed in your house will be activated by motion detectors and blast the screeching pop hit in your face. Many believe that this move is to see suicide rates rocket and thereby ‘keep the numbers’ down in our fair isle’s attempt to reduce the collective carbon footprint (so don’t use the rubber hose/exhaust pipe method for Christ’s sake!)

Duffy Wins Big At The Rubbishest-Ever Brits

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

The Brit awards exist to recognise excellence in British music. Or at least it usually does – last night it couldn’t be bothered and just gave a load of prizes to Duffy instead.

That’s right. Duffy. Duffy who your mum likes. Duffy who sings like a baby goat stuck in a cattle grid. Duffy who looks like she’d burst into tears if you showed her a sad kitten. Duffy won three Brit awards last night, roughly six more than she deserves. But still, it’s not like Iron Maiden won anything, is it?

What? Iron Maiden did win something? God. We’re doomed.

It's The Brit Awards Tonight. Contain Yourself.

March 25th, 2009 By Matthew Laidlow

Tonight, ITV wipes its entire schedule of supposed entertainment to bring us the Brit Awards 2009.

It may not have happened yet, but we can't see it being edgy, cool or vaguely risky. The show goes out at 8pm, leaving today’s young pop stars with an entire hour to swear before the watershed kicks in.

Just over a week ago, we watched the Grammys which quite frankly overshadowed the entire Brits ceremony. Not only did the Grammys have a million categories where nearly everyone can win, but we don't expect there to be any pre-show scraps like the alleged one between Rihanna and Chris Brown. Unless someone attacks Chris Martin with a pack of streaky bacon.

Leona Lewis Wins Just About Zero Brit Awards

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

The Osbournes hosted the Brit awards last night, so the show promised to be jam-packed with enough controversy to turn your granny blue.

Is that what happened, though? No – thanks to the Brits' stringent 'don't let Ozzy Osbourne say more than three words in a row' policy, the only vaguely controversial thing the Osbournes brought to the Brit awards was the way that Sharon Osbourne's face looked as if it had been attacked by jellyfish in her sleep.

Oh, and Leona Lewis didn't win any of the four Brit awards she was nominated for. That's sort of controversial, isn't it? Anyone?