Bristol Palin - HecklerSpray

Bristol Palin Cashes in on Her Teen Pregnancy a Decade Later

July 24th, 2018 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

File this under: what the actual fuck? In case you haven’t heard, Bristol Palin, daughter of former Vice President nominee Sarah Palin, is joining the cast of Teen Mom OG…even though she wasn’t on the show ever before, and she isn’t currently a teen mom?

What’s even stupider if that MTV is paying her a whopping $250,000 to be on the show. That’s right, MTV is paying Bristol Palin $250k because she got knocked up as a teenager a goddamn decade ago! You know how much MTV paid me for getting knocked up at 27 and 30? NOTHING.

Levi Johnston To Troll Sarah Palin For The Rest Of His Life After He’s Written Tell-All Book

April 26th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Levi Johnston is the master of the art of trolling. It appears his sole aim in life is to annoy supreme pencil neck, Sarah Palin, ’til she reaches the point of explosion. Of course, when she finally KABOOMS, the sky will be thick with impotent rage and garbled words spelled out like the sky has been attacked by a dyslexic skywriter.

Better yet, is that Palin can’t really do much about it because Levi is the father to her grandson. He’s always going to be part of the Palin family.

So imagine the next time they awkwardly meet up, when Levi announces that he’s writing a tell-all book about Palin and her mental, trigger happy family!

Julianne Moore To Play Sarah Palin In Movie Probably Called The Most Powerful Village Idiot In The World

March 10th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Sarah Palin is a fascinating creature. She’s managed to succeed in life by having little more than a will to rise to the top. Seriously. Very, very little more. She’s not smart, she isn’t a good diplomat but she is determined.

And soon, there’s a very good chance she’ll have the codes to blow the entire world up. Amazing. Think about it. A village idiot running the Western World, tottering up to diplomats from the Far East and saying things like “why do you guys squint all the time? Haven’t you got sunglasses over here?!”

It was only a matter of time before someone decided to make a film about Palin. She’s perfect for parody. And taking the role is Julianne Moore.

Earth Contemplates Sudden, Swift Suicide As Bristol Palin Announces Interest In Politics

February 9th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Looking at Sarah Palin, it is hard to imagine a more terrifying political human. Her staggering simplery along with gasping vapidity is far too close to the nuclear codes for our liking. You’d be forgiven for thinking that things could only get worse if Glen Beck announced his intention to run for office.

Until that crushingly inevitable day occurs, we can look forward to another horror.

That’s right citizens of this failing planet! Bristol Palin fully intends to follow in her mother’s waddling political footsteps. This is the signal we’ve all been waiting for. The end is nigh. Kill yourselves now.

Bristol Palin In Contention For Most Pointless Memoir Ever To Be Written

February 8th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Over the past ten years or so, the world has been flooded with countless pointless memoirs and autobiographies. You’ll be able to read Justin Bieber’s soon, which will no doubt say “I was born three seconds ago and I sang some songs and can’t work out how to undo Selena Gomez’s bra, The End.’

And now, we’re due another utterly pointless document in the shape of a memoir from Bristol Palin. She’s hardly known for being a raconteur is she?

This isn’t plain ol’ hearsay either. Bristol’s memoir is already showing up on Amazon.com. We are, presumably, supposed to be thrilled at the prospect of reading about someone with a simpleton mother, teenage pregnancy and how hard it is wobbling around like a giraffe on a see-saw on ‘Dancing With the Stars’.

Bristol Palin Starts Dating Alaskan Pipeline Worker Who She Probably Met While Sarah Was Guarding It With A Rifle

January 25th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

The Palin family are just great aren’t they? In Sarah Palin, we have a woman who doesn’t know a single thing about the world outside of Alaska (she probably thinks Mary Poppins is a gritty documentary about England) and in Bristol, we’ve got a gal who has the cold, dead stare of someone who has witnessed the unspeakable.

Of course, she used to date the most hilarious man in America – Levi Johnston – a man made entirely of satire. He got her pregnant, then promptly went about slagging off anyone with the surname Palin. That probably includes Michael Palin.

Anyway, after being rubbish at dancing on television, Bristol has been looking for love or something. And apparently, she’s found it in the most likely of places – The Alaskan pipeline!

Sarah Palin’s TV Show Gets Axed Because It Was Gigantically Dismal

January 10th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

If Sarah Palin wasn’t a politician, she’d be hilarious. Think about it. She’s a gun-toting, slackjawed moose-for-brains who garbles her words and thinks that it is totally okay to use gun-targets in association with her political rivals.

Had she been the invention of a satirist, you’d laugh like a drain at each dunderheaded move she made.

Sadly, she’s horribly real and has gone about invigorating the kind of American that makes the rest of the world wince with discomfort. And no-one has ever seen her blink, even when she said that outrageous ‘death panel’ comment.

PETA Doesn’t Like Sarah Palin Killing Caribou – Who Saw That Coming?

December 7th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

Sarah Palin’s bloodlust continues to stir up opinions – all of them useless – around the planet. But mostly America. When her new party political broadcast… sorry, sorry, when her new reality show aired – Sarah Palin’s Alaska -? everyone took it in turns to either fawn or kick her in the seat of her pants.

Whether it was any good or not, it’s quite startling to watch a former vice presidential candidate wielding a gun, firing it and killing something. More often than not, US politicians are out kissing babies or trying to explain themselves after being caught with their pants down.

Well, Palin shot a caribou and it was only a matter of time before PETA cleared their throats and, in an adenoidal voice, said ‘Excuse me, I think you’ll find we have an opinion on all this actually.’ From the smoking barrel of a moron to the self proclaimed voice of the woodland, could this spat get more irritating if it tried?

Sarah Palin Wins Hearts And Minds By Killing Things And Forcing Her Daughter To Dance

December 7th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

Look into Sarah Palin’s eyes. What do you see? Your own reflection probably, because she wears glasses. However, hoik those specs clean off her head and you’ll see a faint glimpse of life in those cold, dead eyes.

That’s because Palin is a cold-blooded killer. Now, we’re not suggesting that Palin went postal over the weekend, opening fire on a mall full of people, but rather, she likes killing animals despite the fact she has enough money in the bank to, y’know, buy food from a shop.

Alas, Sarah Palin wants to win the hearts and minds of Americans by showcasing her feral side, which could well mean that we’ll see her dragging herself along some grass on her posterior or marking her territory by pissing on as many trees as possible.

Badvertising: A Situation Situated Between Bristol Palin And The Situation

August 7th, 2012 By Kris Silver

Poor old Bristol Palin, she's got a shotgun wielding nutcase of a mother, had a child with a man who has neck so red that it can't be seen by the naked eye and, unbelievably, she failed to win some shoddy yank spin-off of Strictly Come Dancing.

In what can only be seen as an attempt to desperately claw back some semblance of dignity, dear sweet Brizzle has appeared in a Public Service Announcement for safe sex, alongside none other than Mike, ?The Situation,? Sorrentino.

Yes, you did read that correctly, Bristol Palin is promoting safe sex with a man who is named after his own abdomen.