Brian McFadden - HecklerSpray

Kerry Katona V Brian McFadden: Round 6 Of The Most Tedious Celebrity Spat In History

December 20th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

You know what’s great about parents? The fact that, as soon as they produce a child, they somehow become immediately wise. They have a deeper insight into the world around them. They appreciate the nuances of life and…

…who we tryintah kid here? Most parents are gulping twerps.

One such ball-brain is Kerry Katona who has decided to have a go at her ex-husband Brian McFadden (formerly of Westlife, creator of this date-rape abomination which we’ll never stop sharing). Granted, it’s not odd that exes would spar, but for the sake of her children and to show what a good role-model she is, Katona has decided to attack McFadz in the press so everyone can see how ugly their relationship is.

Kerry Katona’s Stalker Clearly Needs Professional Help

December 12th, 2011 By Joanna Bolouri

Chav icon and?astonishing?dimwit Kerry Katona,?has been bothering the police after receiving phone calls from a suspected stalker who has obviously reached a low point in their life, given that they could have shown interest in ANYONE ELSE ON THE ENTIRE PLANET!

It seems an American woman,?believed?to be called Stella, has been ringing Katona ‘non-stop for weeks’ and recently contacted the reality star’s manager Max Clifford, claiming to have watched her getting changed at her Surrey mansion.

Yes. Really.

Westlife Say They’ll Never Get Back Together While We Preemptively Call Them Hypocrites

November 4th, 2011 By Michael Park

Hello. Are you a Westlife fan, troubled by the news that your Princes are going away to enjoy their moneyed-lives with their families and friends? Are you worried that there will suddenly be a void of mawkish, soaring ballads to sooth you while you self-harm in a bath of ice?

It’s bad news we’re afraid.

Westlife’s members have confirmed that the musical equivalent of an itchy jumper are unlikely to ‘do a Take That’ and get back together in a few years. Is it because Take That were always more relevant to pop music or is it because the Boyzone tribute market isn’t as lucrative as it once was? Who knows. Certainly not us.

Astounding News ? Westlife Are Still Together! Wait… Who Are Westlife?

October 19th, 2011 By Paul Pencott

Boyband no-hopers Westlife announced their intention to split up yesterday, astonishing a nation that had long since forgotten that the third-rate Boyzone-wannabees even existed.

Ignoring the current music fad of reforming (we're looking at you, Steps. And, to a MUCH lesser extent, you, Stone Roses) the PoundLand Take That have decided they?ll buck the trend and actually call it a day. Tiring, no doubt, as they are of being mistaken for well-groomed squinty brick-layers with as much collective recognisability as the bloke who ?does the tampons? down our local.

And, we imagine, are finally admitting the fact that without gurning, pan-faced buffoon Brian McFadden they are as nothing. Not that they're bitter about that. Oh no.

Is Brian McFadden Going To Rejoin Westlife! Of Course He Is Because They’re Out Of Ideas!

July 20th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Remember the halcyon days when Westlife were a five-piece. They all looked so perfect in photographs with their highlighted curtains and work-sweaters from River Island. They really were the most refreshing thing to get off a stool in pop since GG Allin.

Then, the band went all off-balance when, unfathomably, Brian McFadden decided to go ‘indie’, which actually meant growing a bit of a beard, wearing a parka and… well… still peddling turgid, plodding pop music. Westlife, of course, continued doing exactly the same as before (which actually means, ‘doing as they were told’) and set about becoming the most earnest entertainers in the history of mankind.

BUT WAIT! Is McFadden going to rejoin Westlife? Have they seen Robbie’s reunion with Take That and thought ‘Hey! That’s a really clever, cynical marketing ploy to shift a few more tickets and albums! Provided Brian doesn’t do that rape song…’?

Delta Goodrem And Nick Jonas Spotted Holding Each Other’s Clammy Hands

May 16th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Delta Goodrem is a singer. Now, you may find that patronising, but we thought you might need reminding as it would appear she’s only famous for having cancer and being dim enough to see Brian McFadden as a suitable mate.

Of course, once McFadden had released his date-rape classic, ‘Just The Way You Are’ (listen here if you missed it), it didn’t take Goodrem long to bin the former Westlifer off.

And now, much to screaming girls annoyance, Goodrem has been spotted out and about holding hands with crooning clone Nick Jonas.

Atomic Kitten Singer Liz McClarnon Has No Cool Friends

April 15th, 2011 By Joanna Bolouri

Atomic Kitten. ?Remember them? They were good weren’t they? Oh, that’s right they were amazingly gash but they did release ‘Whole Again’, a song loved by chav women the world over and so heartbreakingly rubbish we once set fire to our own ears in disgust and swore we’d never listen to pop music EVER again.

Kerry Katona used to be in this terrible band until she ran off with potato faced Brian McFadden, shagged him so ferociously babies came out of her vagina and ended up pretending to shop in Iceland while not-so-secretly hoovering up big giant lines of white stuff on camera.

While she’s been on the telly for the past 80 years, blubbering about what a raging mess she is, the others have been quietly growing older and one of them even had a birthday party to celebrate another year of not quite being as famous as that mentalist Katona.

Delta Goodrem And Brian McFadden Split, Presumably Thanks To Rapey Song

April 1st, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Brian McFadden – a man of no fixed talent – can now count Delta ‘She Had Cancer Dontchaknow?’ Goodrem in the number of women he’s broken the heart of. In that collective, you’ll also find Kerry Katona. He’s got a way with the women hasn’t he?

Of course, the former Westlifer started dating the Australian singer after he split with the former Atomic Kitten and they became engaged in 2007.

Nothing of note happened for a while and then, out of the blue, McFadden released a song that was not only incredible in its awfulness, but seemed to promote date-rape (you can hear it here if you don’t believe us) which was probably the final straw for Goodrem.

Brian McFadden’s New Song Isn’t Meant To Be Quite So Rapey Apparently

March 1st, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

We shared the astonishing new record from Brian McFadden over on our twitter account recently, which was rightly met by our readers with a mixture of horror and delighted bemusement. One word continually cropped up – ‘rape’.

Now, that isn’t a word that people normally associate with pop records (unless you’re talking about ‘Sweat (A La La La Long)’ by Inner Circle which has always sounded suspect to hecklerspray.

However, the former Westlifer and Kerry Katona ex has gone and made a song that sounds like it is almost promoting it. If not that, then it sounds like something that Whoopie Goldberg might call ‘not rape rape’. If you haven’t heard, fret not, we have it to listen to over the jump.

Brian McFadden Is Mildly Annoyed At His “Pig Face Mole” Ex-wife

April 20th, 2010 By Amy Grindhouse

Brian McFadden is still alive, you may like to know. We just think it’s important we point that out – lest there be any alarm that we’re posting about that bloke you think is long-dead.

To be clear, no, we aren’t wishing horrid things to happen to this chap. We just assume someone has popped their clogs when they’ve been off the telly for more than a week-and-a-half – which Brian certainly has been. But we’re a bit slow like that. Brian has been keeping a low profile in Australia where he lives with his fianc?, that pretty girl who used to be on Neighbours, Delta Goodrem.

Back to business – Brian has been sending out a series of hateful messages about his ex-wife, Kerry Katona, on his Twitter page. He has also been deleting these messages in the greatest display of wishful thinking we’ve ever seen.