Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
Queen are a terrible band aren’t they? Overblown, pompous, noodly bollocks for people who can’t bring themselves to dance or listen to anything with a trace of funk. They’re so white they’re borderline Aryan.
Still, there’s obviously a huge market of Stock Broker Rock and Queen have hardly struggled throughout their career.
But what is it that people like about them? Well, if you ask Brian May, it’s because they “speak for common people”.
Hey guys. The X Factor?s still on. But that's totally cool because the 100 Year War ran over a couple of decades too, and that was just as important, so not to worry. Those House of the Plantagenet dudes probably had issues connecting their own personal stresses in life to Lighthouse Family lyrics too. Oh, life.
But as Virginia Woolf once said, ?When Frankie Cocozza had those girl?s names cauterized into his sigmoid colon, he was probably just a bit tipsy.?
The theme for this week was of course LOVE AND HARMONY. So, in celebration of that, we're going to get off our ivory towers, and ride our high horses back down to Planet Earth and be nice about The X Factor for a change. Because All You Need is Love, as The Beatles once said, which is true. But they also said ?We all live in a yellow submarine?, which isn't technically accurate, and that ?Happiness is a warm gun?, when in fact ? quite hilariously ? happiness is actually an abstract concept brought on by endogenous opioid peptides that adopt temporary feelings of exhilaration! Haha! God, those guys and their heroin, eh?
Quick everyone! Raid the cupboard for party poppers and get out your best bunting to decorate the living room. Today sees Freddie Mercury turn sixty five and a day!
However, Freddie is yesterday?s news and has already been forgotten about. But here at hecklerspray, we won't let a new Google image or Twitter hashtag see his memory simply forgotten.
Just like the whitefro wearing sell-out Brian May, we want to flog the birthday of Freddie Mercury to death. And oh look! Here comes Katy Perry!
For reasons we don’t rightly care about, Queen and Freddie Mercury have been honoured with a Google Doodle. It probably marks the first time Fred avoided a dentist appointment.
Either way, this tribute only serves to remind us of why Queen are such a loathsome group. And there’s a lot… A LOT… to dislike about stupid Queen.
And Queen have been irritating the world, decade after infuriating decade, unwilling to quietly slope away and leave our ears and eyes in peace. Queen: Let us count the ways in which we truly hate you.
The American Idol final is gone. Gone but not forgotten. Following the victory of Kris Whateverhisnamewas, the shock is still palpable.
But don’t think that fallen American Idol loser Adam Lambert won’t have the last laugh. Kris Allen may have won the battle, but Adam Lambert has won the war – Adam Lambert’s going to be the new singer of Queen!
Except he isn’t. Brian May mumbled something about it recently, which means that Adam Lambert will probably end up being the fourth male lead in the pan-Siberian touring version of We Will Rock Rock You in about 15 years’ time. Fact.
