Immensely tepid Katie Melua has postponed her tour. Why? Becuase she needed to ‘cool off a bit’. Now, considering that Melua is about as searingly hot as a week old cup of tea, if she cooled down any further, the world would be in serious danger of another ice age.
But alas, Katie has admitted to having ”a bit of a breakdown” after her last turgid album was released. It was suspected that this was brought on by her realising that she possessed one of the blandest talents in human history.
So bland is Melua’s talent that she’s creatively eclipsed by the man who first put those plastic things on the end of shoelaces, or the guy who is paid to type all the names in on football computer games.
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Spring is in the air, those gloomy winter days are behind us for another year and we can look forward to all of the joys that the sunshine brings: flowers blooming, birds singing and, most importantly, BOOBS!
That’s right, it’s the time of year where celebrity clothes disappear at the same rate as clouds.
This week we’ve been treated to many a celebrity disrobing, so we’ll break them down one by one… over the jump you penises.
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Katie Holmes may well have finally escaped from the clutches of Tom Cruise, if reports in some glossy yank rag are to be believed.
The Star is reporting that the Tomkat experience is over and no longer a thread to the rest of us with their weird placenta eating ways. You can’t really blame them for thinking that though, what with the recent fad for celebrity separations garnering copious column inches in the run up to Christmas.
When you think about it, that’s just plain depressing.
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The past 12 months has been weird for Cheryl Cole. She’s got malaria, which no-one ever gets because it’s a bloody tropical disease… and she got divorced from her husband… which in fairness, is very common in this country.
Neither of these things are particularly pleasant to go through, so when prodded and poked by a man with a face that looks like it is made from suet, there’s a good chance all the pain and anguish will rise up through your eye-sockets.
And that’s exactly what happened when Cheryl did an interview on TV show, Piers Morgan’s Life Stories. Read More >>>
Some advance warning: in 52 weeks’ time, just stay in your house – Mindy McCready’s going to do something mental.
Honestly, it’s true. Almost exactly a year ago to the day, country singer Mindy McCready was arrested for apparently beating her mother up, and now she’s been admitted to rehab following a nervous breakdown and possible overdose.
McCready’s breakdown comes after the revelation that she’s had a 15-year affair with US sports star Roger Clemens. So what can we expect from Mindy McCready in July 2009? It’s a tricky one to predict – mother-punching and nervous breakdowns are notoriously hard to top. We don’t think she’s abused any animals so far – maybe that’s an avenue.
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You know, this morning we suddenly thought "What if all this psychiatric treatment makes Britney Spears normal again? Will our stockpiled pithy wisecracks go to waste?"
And then we discovered that Kirsten Dunst is apparently on the verge of a giant Britney-style nervous breakdown.
It's the cosmic balance in action. Britney gets better, Kirsten Dunst goes a bit batshit. By God, Vanessa Hudgens must be praying that Kirsten Dunst never gets better.
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