Look at Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Look at them. Have you ever seen a couple more obviously in love?
Think carefully before you answer that. Because, should you suggest that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie aren’t in love, they’ll sue you. They’ll sue you just like they’re suing the News Of The World, which last month reported that Brad and Angelina were on the brink of a split. This means that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are together and happy and that they’ve never been so in love.
That said, we do have our suspicions. Does Angelina Jolie really love Brad Pitt? After all, he has got a beard that makes him look like he rubbed glue onto his face and then performed cunnilingus on a succession of hairy Mongolian pensioners. We’d find it difficult to love someone with a beard like that. That’s all we’re saying.
Read More >>>
That’s it. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have definitely split up. Definitely. There’s incontrovertible proof.
What? A confirmation? A formal confirmation of the split by Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie themselves? Don’t be silly. But we don’t need a formal confirmation when we’ve got proof this watertight – Brad Pitt has just bought a house. A house with a cave attached.
And, yes, look, we know that Brad Pitt has bought several homes in the past, and none of the previous ones seemed to signal a romantic split from Angelina Jolie of any kind, but you’re missing the big picture here. This one has a cave. A cave, damn it! Remember when you spent $700,000 on a house with a cave last time you split up with your girlfriend? This is EXACTLY THE SAME THING.
Read More >>>
There are currently three schools of thought regarding Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. One is that their marriage is in trouble.
The second is that their marriage is fine. The third – the school we subscribe to – goes like this: shut up about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie shut up shut up shut up make it stop make it stop oh God why won’t you make it stop shut up.
So, to clear up the rumours for good, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have spent an evening smooching for photographers in Cannes. Which theory did this prove? All of them, technically.
Read More >>>
