If any of you hear a soft squeaking noise today, ignore it – it’s just Jennifer Aniston polishing her genitals.
Or maybe not. Maybe it’s Brad Pitt‘s ratty beard bristling with discomfort. Or all of the Brangelina kids whining “Why mummy? Why?” at Angelina Jolie in all of their respective languages. Oh, who are we kidding? It’s definitely Jennifer Aniston buffing her tumpsy.
And she’s wise to because, if reports are to be believed, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have split up. Of course, sources close to the couple have denied the rumours, but let’s ignore them. Because, people of Earth, it looks like your chances of copping off with either Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie have just risen from ‘impossible’ to ‘statistically inconceivable’. Result!
