Articles tagged with: Brad Pitt
Brad Pitt Grows A Manky Beard, Which Is Definitely News
This news is so important that you might need to spend the rest of the day pondering its gigantic consequences. You see, Brad Pitt has grown a beard. Shocking, we know. But brace yourself, because that's not quite it. You see, Brad Pitt has grown a slightly ratty beard. It's so ratty that he's actually braided it. Remember this day. In years to come younger generations will ask you where you where when you realised that Brad Pitt had deliberately grown a bit of a manky beard. And now you can look them in the eye and say "I was reading the internet in my pants, son. I was reading the internet in my pants."
This news is so important that you might need to spend the rest of the day pondering its gigantic consequences. You see, Brad Pitt has grown a beard. Shocking, we know. But brace yourself, because that's not quite it. You see, Brad Pitt has grown a slightly ratty beard. It's so ratty that he's actually braided it. Remember this day. In years to come younger generations will ask you where you where when you realised that Brad Pitt had deliberately grown a bit of a manky beard. And now you can look them in the eye and say "I was reading the internet in my pants, son. I was reading the internet in my pants."
Seriously, I’m Totally Normal, Lies Angelina Jolie
It must be International Fibbing Week or something, because it seems like untruths are spilling from celebrities, like soup from bearded tramp's inebriated spluttering mouth. Yesterday Posh Spice said something about not being remotely thin. And today, it turns out that Angelina Jolie has been insisting to OK! Magazine - the UK's least discerning showbusiness pamphlet - that she's completely normal. Not totally weird at all. Only, she is totally weird. We know that. Discussing her new role as mother to children with intriguing names - Maddox, Pax, Shiloh, Zahara, Knox, Vivienne - she breezily pointed out that she's "just a dedicated mother, really quite normal." Whilst obviously stretching the boundaries of what "normal" might be with a single sentence.
It must be International Fibbing Week or something, because it seems like untruths are spilling from celebrities, like soup from bearded tramp's inebriated spluttering mouth. Yesterday Posh Spice said something about not being remotely thin. And today, it turns out that Angelina Jolie has been insisting to OK! Magazine - the UK's least discerning showbusiness pamphlet - that she's completely normal. Not totally weird at all. Only, she is totally weird. We know that. Discussing her new role as mother to children with intriguing names - Maddox, Pax, Shiloh, Zahara, Knox, Vivienne - she breezily pointed out that she's "just a dedicated mother, really quite normal." Whilst obviously stretching the boundaries of what "normal" might be with a single sentence.
Inglourious Basterds Nurmbar Won At Weekend Borx Orifice
You can say a lot of things about Quentin Tarantino - mainly about his great big stupid chin if you like - but don't say he never learns. Remember Valkerie, the movie where Tom Cruise tries to kill Hitler but bollocks it all up? Not a great big hit at the weekend box office. But Inglourious Basterds, the movie where Brad Pitt tries to kill Hitler and then does, is a super duper number one hit at the weekend box office. Or maybe it's because everyone really wanted to see what Eli Roth is like as an actor. No? No, we didn't think so either.
You can say a lot of things about Quentin Tarantino - mainly about his great big stupid chin if you like - but don't say he never learns. Remember Valkerie, the movie where Tom Cruise tries to kill Hitler but bollocks it all up? Not a great big hit at the weekend box office. But Inglourious Basterds, the movie where Brad Pitt tries to kill Hitler and then does, is a super duper number one hit at the weekend box office. Or maybe it's because everyone really wanted to see what Eli Roth is like as an actor. No? No, we didn't think so either.
WEBTHUMP! 19 August 2009
10 - People say stuff every day. Here's a small amount of it - Collegecandy 9 - Dear BBC, last week you introduced the best character in the history of EastEnders. More of him please - Watch With Mothers 8 - If you want to rot in fairly close proximity to a fairly famous completely dead cadaver, and you have an eBay account, this is your lucky day - Scumbag Millionaire 7 - Rio Ferdinand in 'likes music but is entirely self-unaware' shock - My Chemical Toilet
Brad Pitt To Be In Sherlock Holmes, But Not Really
When Henry VIII wrote his first Sherlock Holmes story on the severed necks of his dead wives sometime in the 1500s, he likely had no idea how long his sleuth would endure. Yet here it is, some 500 years later and we're still making movies out of him. And how, you might ask, can this next incarnation possibly seem fresh after all these years? Why, as best as we can tell they're tying in Iron Man or something. Also - they're bringing in Brad Pitt. Or they're not. But they are. Or they're not.
When Henry VIII wrote his first Sherlock Holmes story on the severed necks of his dead wives sometime in the 1500s, he likely had no idea how long his sleuth would endure. Yet here it is, some 500 years later and we're still making movies out of him. And how, you might ask, can this next incarnation possibly seem fresh after all these years? Why, as best as we can tell they're tying in Iron Man or something. Also - they're bringing in Brad Pitt. Or they're not. But they are. Or they're not.
Brad Pitt Doesn’t Want To Be New Orleans Mayor, Even Though He Does
Brad Pitt's talents are limitless - making Jennifer Aniston cry, not being quite good enough at acting to win an Oscar. Actually, that's about it. OR IS IT? Because Brad Pitt might be about to run for mayor of New Orleans. And by 'about to' we mean 'has definitely denied wanting to', but let's not get a stupid fact mess things up, shall we? Brad Pitt is totally going to be the mayor of New Orleans! Obviously it's a front Brad Pitt to snatch the city's children and raise them as his own, but that doesn't matter. Brad Pitt! Squee!
Brad Pitt's talents are limitless - making Jennifer Aniston cry, not being quite good enough at acting to win an Oscar. Actually, that's about it. OR IS IT? Because Brad Pitt might be about to run for mayor of New Orleans. And by 'about to' we mean 'has definitely denied wanting to', but let's not get a stupid fact mess things up, shall we? Brad Pitt is totally going to be the mayor of New Orleans! Obviously it's a front Brad Pitt to snatch the city's children and raise them as his own, but that doesn't matter. Brad Pitt! Squee!
Angelina Jolie & Jennifer Aniston Now Also Annoyingly Rich
Instead of a penis, Brad Pitt has a magic wand that brings fabulous wealth to anyone who he sticks it in. It's true. It is. OK, in all fairness it probably isn't true. Chances are Brad Pitt does have a penis - but the bit about it making people rich is still true, though. Forbes has just published its list of Hollywood's top-earning actresses, and the top two spots are taken up by Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston. We know what you're thinking - where's Juliette Lewis on the list? Look, not even Brad Pitt's magic wand willy is that magic, OK?
Instead of a penis, Brad Pitt has a magic wand that brings fabulous wealth to anyone who he sticks it in. It's true. It is. OK, in all fairness it probably isn't true. Chances are Brad Pitt does have a penis - but the bit about it making people rich is still true, though. Forbes has just published its list of Hollywood's top-earning actresses, and the top two spots are taken up by Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston. We know what you're thinking - where's Juliette Lewis on the list? Look, not even Brad Pitt's magic wand willy is that magic, OK?
Skulk, Ye Insignificant Fools, Before Angelina Jolie’s Almighty Power
Some people, they say, are born powerful. Some achieve power. Others shack up with Brad Pitt and do it that way. We're not experts, so we don't know which of these has made Angelina Jolie so powerful. But she is powerful. In fact, Forbes has just named Angelina Jolie as the most powerful celebrity onEarth, thanks to her ability to command exposure, and also her ability to pull a semi-articulated lorry full of bricks for a mile with her nipple. Anyway, congratulations to Angelina Jolie, or Almighty Overlord Archduke Angelina Jolie The Invincible as she now demands to be called.
Some people, they say, are born powerful. Some achieve power. Others shack up with Brad Pitt and do it that way. We're not experts, so we don't know which of these has made Angelina Jolie so powerful. But she is powerful. In fact, Forbes has just named Angelina Jolie as the most powerful celebrity onEarth, thanks to her ability to command exposure, and also her ability to pull a semi-articulated lorry full of bricks for a mile with her nipple. Anyway, congratulations to Angelina Jolie, or Almighty Overlord Archduke Angelina Jolie The Invincible as she now demands to be called.
