Ellen DeGeneres Wants To Find Anne Hathaway A Lovely Young Man Times are hard for Anne Hathaway - the only man she's ever loved is in jail for being a dirty Pope-dressing conman. In fact, it's more or less a guarantee that Anne Hathaway will never experience another second of happiness in her entire life. But not if Ellen DeGeneres has anything to do with it - during an interview with her yesterday, Ellen promised that she'd find Anne Hathaway a boyfriend who didn't con pensioners for a living. Rumours that all the boyfriends that Ellen DeGeneres will find for Anne Hathaway are just Ellen DeGeneres in a bowtie are as yet unconfirmed.

Jennifer Aniston Must Never Be Single, Apparently Going to a party alone can be hard sometimes - especially if it's your party and everyone is desperate for you to fail. So Jennifer Aniston wasn't taking any chances when it came to her Marley And Me premiere recently. Although she's going out with a boy who looks like her nephew, Jennifer Aniston wanted to make damn sure that she wouldn't go to her premiere alone. That's why Jennifer Aniston reportedly got her agents to find some famous actors who'd act as her standby boyfriend if John Mayer dropped out. And, to be fair, they'd all probably be more convincing than John Mayer.

Relax, Miley Cyrus’s Much Older Boyfriend Totally Loves Jesus You might think that, because he's five years older than her and wriggles about in knickers for a living, Miley Cyrus' boyfriend is a rum sort. But he's not. He's really not. Miley Cyrus has been on the radio in America defending her alleged new boyfriend Justin Gaston to the hilt, claiming that he's 'awesome' and a 'really great Christian guy'. And what Miley Cyrus says, we have no option but to believe. Justin Gaston, you're awesome and a really great Christian guy and we apologise for thinking wrongly of you. And the fact that on the same day as Miley Cyrus' interview, pictures were leaked onto the internet of Justin Gaston rolling around on the floor in his underwear with an unidentified woman and giving the camera the finger? Well that's just awesome and Christian too. We hear that Jesus did a very similar thing once himself, actually.

Miley Cyrus’ Dad Loves Her Much Older Knicker-Model Boyfriend Just about the whole world went to the great big hideously expensive Miley Cyrus Disneyland 16th birthday party - with one notable exception. And, of course, that was Justin Gaston - the 20-year-old undercracker model who might very well be Miley Cyrus' special and conspicuously older boyfriend. It's not really a surprise that Justin Gaston didn't go to Miley Cyrus' birthday party - he's too old for Disneyland and was probably doing something cool like riding a motorbike or drinking cider at a bus stop or something. But Miley Cyrus' dad Billy Ray Cyrus doesn't mind. He's heaped praise on Gaston despite his no-show. And so would you too, if you knew that pretending to enjoy the fact that your little girl is probably in some kind of relationship with a full-grown man was the only thing stopping said little girl from financially abandoning you the second she turns 18.

Miley Cyrus Introduced To Creepy Older Underwear Chap By Dad The day most men are introduced to their 15-year-old daughter's 20-year-old underwear model boyfriend is usually they day they go bald and/or start sniffing glue. But not if you're Billy Ray Cyrus. If you're Billy Ray Cyrus then your 15-year-old daughter will never introduce you to her 20-year-old underwear model boyfriend. That's because if you're Billy Ray Cyrus, your 15-year-old daughter is Miley Cyrus and it's you who'll introduce her to the aforementioned 20-year-old underwear model. That's right - it turns out that Billy Ray Cyrus is responsible for hooking Miley Cyrus up with her new, much older, mostly naked boyfriend Justin Gaston. Normally we'd suggest that Miley Cyrus' ex-boyfriend would be feeling pretty inadequate because of this, but given our suspicion that Miley Cyrus' ex-boyfriend was actually Billy Ray Cyrus anyway, we'll probably just leave it.

Hey, Miley Cyrus’ New Boyfriend Likes Taking His Clothes Off Too Being Miley Cyrus' boyfriend must be horrible - you'd be constantly fighting the urge to slap Billy Ray Cyrus' silly face every time you saw it. In fact, 15-year-old Miley Cyrus has got quite the wishlist when it comes to her boyfriends. Firstly you can't be intimidated by Miley Cyrus' fame and wealth. Secondly you have to be as gormlessly God-fearing as she is. And thirdly, if you're so much older than her that it's a little bit creepy and you use your body as a sexual object for a living, then that's great too. So, with that in mind, say hello to Miley Cyrus' new boyfriend - he's Justin Gaston, he's 20 years old and he's an underwear model. If this hasn't ended in tears by this time next year, then we're afraid we'll have to go away and question everything we thought we knew about the universe.

Heather Mills finds Non-Saggy, Non-Geriatric Biped to Tolerate Her

You know when you fill out a job application and you have to answer questions like: 'Have you ever been convicted of a crime?'; 'Would you be willing to submit to random drug testing?'; and 'Would you be willing to feign attraction to a volatile, squeaky-voiced woman with three remaining limbs who will likely take her drawers off to get you not to eat meat?'

No one ever thinks that last one is for real, so the answer is always ‘yes’. But, a poor hotel worker man has to look that question square in the face now that he is dating Heather Mills, and she’s rather delighted about it all.

Yay! It’s a rare night when we aren’t tossing in turmoil over Heather Mills’ happiness.

This Just In: Geri Halliwell Still Annoying When was the last time you saw Geri Halliwell do something that wasn't annoying? You can't remember, can you, because Geri Halliwell has never done anything that isn't annoying. You name it - singing, acting, humanitarian work, naming her children, breathing - you can guarantee that whatever Geri Halliwell does it'll annoy the shit out of you. ...