That’s right – although The Bourne Ultimatum seemed to end with a satisfyingly piece of trilogy closure, you can now be pretty sure it didn’t. Bourne 4 is on the way and there’s nothing anybody can do about it.

Best of all, Bourne 4 will be the first Bourne film not to be based on a Robert Ludlum novel. Phew, finally we won’t have to worry about plot or character development or anything – just endless scenes of Matt Damon jumping across buildings and arbitrarily punching people while being filmed by what appears to be a drunk Parkinson’s sufferer trying to operate a pneumatic drill on a trampoline on a boat in a storm. Perfect.

Probably the most overwhelming thing about the new James Bond movie – other than that it’s boring and a bit crap and it stars a witch – is all the comparisons to the Bourne movies it has received.

No longer is James Bond a charmingly witty man with a jetpack and an invisible car who just happens to be a spy – he’s now just an angry bloke who punches things and jumps across buildings. He’s basically Jason Bourne.

It’s this kind of influence – alongside the fact that every single new action movie has to have at least one Parkour scene in it – that has made the Bourne movies into a sensation and, confusingly, turned Matt Damon into a sex symbol.

Despite only being memorable because it featured a train station we go to a lot and a spectacular set of sideburns, The Bourne Ultimatum was a giant hit at the box office – so much so that Universal has ditched its plan to keep Bourne as a trilogy and instead opted to keep banging the buggers out until the thought of another Bourne movie makes people physically ill. MSNBC reports:

Universal will produce a fourth installment in the popular “The Bourne Identity” franchise. Damon will return as superspy Jason Bourne, and Paul Greengrass (who directed “The Bourne Ultimatum” and “The Bourne Supremacy”) is also on board for the new film. While the previous three “Bourne” movies have been based on the novels by Robert Ludlum, the latest chapter will be an original story.

We don’t envy whoever’s tasked with writing Bourne 4, because the script will somehow need to get around the fact that at the end of The Bourne Ultimatum, Matt Damon uncovered all the secrets of his past, vowed to change and actually said the words “I am no longer Jason Bourne.”

So, in the spirit of fairness, we’d like to share three options that we think could reverse Bourne 4 out of the dead-end it has obviously found itself in…

1) After jumping into the East River at the end of The Bourne Ultimatum, Jason Bourne bangs his head on a fish and loses his memory all over again. Title – The Bourne Misfortune.

2) Even though the conspiracy over his identity reaches all the way to the highest echelons of the US government, Jason Bourne soon finds out that it goes even further, so he travels to heaven to have a shaky-camera fistfight with God. Title – The Bourne Divinity.

3) After saying “I am no longer Jason Bourne” at the end of The Bourne Ultimatum, Jason Bourne realises that, actually, his passport, driving license, bank account, gym membership and National Trust patronage card all bear the name Jason Bourne and decides that he can’t really be arsed to go through all the rigmarole of changing them back to his original name. Title - The Bourne Kerfuffle.

Once again Universal, you’re welcome.