bottled - HecklerSpray

Kylie Minogue’s Sister Gets Replaced By Someone From N-Dubz On X Factor

May 16th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

We feel sorry for Dannii Minogue: she's never really had it as good as her older sibling. Kylie has been given all of the bigger, better and catchier pop hits, she looks better and oddly, Kylie has been given her own range of car adverts which don't make any sense. Perhaps Simon Cowell gave Dannii the X-Factor job out of pity. Or he lost a bet.

Even though the actual show hasn't started, X-Factor has bored us rigid already. Cowell has buggered off to launch it in America while Cheryl Cole finally was announced as judge after the American authorities turned a blind eye to her conviction of assault. Arguably, the shows two biggest judges have gone Stateside, leaving Kylie Minogue’s sister and Louise Walsh to crush the dreams of thousands.

Only problem is that says before filming starts, Kylie Minogue’s sister has left the show. Surely this couldn't be a PR stunt?

N-Dubz Announce Split, Sadly Not Forever

May 9th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

As we get older, we often have to re-educate ourselves with all of this modern speak that the youth of society spit from their mouths. To us, being ?from the streets? meant you were a homeless person who fished around in bins for scraps of food, stunk of ammonia and generally harassed people for a spare 20p for cider or drugs. Generally, tramps weren't embraced with kisses and cuddles.

But, times changed and now if you are ?from the streets?, it doesn't mean you're a homeless sort. Instead it's the polar opposite as you're considered a hip young thing who has grown up in areas of extreme poverty and witnessed all sorts of shocking events ? like people tripping over cracks in the pavement.

Annoyingly, there is a growing trend for people to commit what they've seen to record. N-Dubz in particular have done this and pestered the ears of thousands. Our prayers have been partly answered as the band have announced a temporary split, hooray!

Someone Amusingly Hits Dappy Off Of N-Dubz On The Head With A Bottle!

April 4th, 2011 By Paul Pencott

Whilst not content with gifting the common man with the hilarity of drunkenly addressing anyone under the age of twenty-five on the street wearing a silly hat as ?Oi! You! N-Dubz!?, Dappy has gone one better by getting himself chinned for dubious reasons in the least ?urban? manner possible.

At time of writing, we are not sure if it was Evian or Perrier, but someone has clocked the bonce of the bobble-hatted imbecile with some volcanic-filtered water and further detracted from his non-existent credibility.

As of Friday, he's ten-grand down on the situation as a supposed aggressor took a chain from him worth that amount. We?d no idea Elizabeth Duke sold anything that expensive.