Medicine is a complex and confusing thing. After all, you have to be quite intelligent to hack people open and cut out all of their bits and pieces. Saying that, it seems any American can get a license to administer drugs, just look at ‘Sexy’ Dr. Conrad Murray.
Gone are the days when we relied on home remedies and concoctions via old wives tales to cure our ailments. Now we have state of the art machinery to diagnose our woes. Or if you’re afraid of going to the GP you can just use the internet to work out what’s wrong with you. They’ll only Google it anyway.
However, not all medical procedures are necessary. Some people use them to improve their appearance. Hollywood types like to inject botox poison into themselves to render them incapable of forming a facial expression. Others take it that little bit further and like to cleanse their anus of any bunged up faeces. Step forward Kourtney Kardashian and tell us why enemas are life changing.
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Do you ever get the feeling that popular TV has been taken over by aliens? There’s something about how smooth and emotionless they are.
Look at them, pretending to be human, all the while being unable to make any recognisable facial expression, their taut, stretched skin weirdly aligned over their rough facsimile of human bone structure. Weird isn’t it? No, not really. I’m not an idiot; it’s all botox and ill-advised plastic surgery. Apart from that Fearne Cotton, she is clearly one of the lizard rulers from the lower levels of fourth dimensional space that David Icke is always banging on about.
Anyway, we all know that people on TV are botoxed up the wazoo, but one of the old members of Atomic Kitten has found a fun new place to inject that precious, precious fluid. Somewhere you might not expect (unless you have a particularly filthy mind, which, to be fair you probably do). Find out after the jump.
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It really is simply ridiculous the lengths that Hollywood actresses will go to impress on Oscars night.
A beautiful gown can only distract from the wrinkly face and bloated thighs for so long, which means Hollywood’s elite have to pull out all the stops in their search for physical perfection.
Of course, they will spend endless hours in the gym and getting poison injected into their faces in the build-up to the big night. But there are some actresses who are prepared to go that extra step.
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You might not know this, but Sharon Stone is famed for her sense of smell – if a mouse does a poo 50 miles away, Sharon Stone will still puke up and faint because if it.
And this ability has ultimately been Sharon Stone’s undoing. Sharon Stone lost custody of her child recently, with one of the justifications being that Sharon’s eight-year-old son had feet that smelt like putrid bum death, and she wanted to cure this with regular Botox injections into his feet.
However, Sharon Stone has denied wanting to Botox her son’s feet, calling it a ‘complete fabrication’. But on the other hand, she did give him a browlift to stop his sweaty armpits and a brand new set of 36DD plastic boobies to try and offset his chronic farting, so who knows.
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hecklerspray doesn’t have any kids, but if we did we’d demand DNA evidence and a court order to prove it. They ain’t ours, skank.
Of course, once those things were obtained we’d dote on them, treating them each individually with great love and deep respect at least until age six, when their value in the middle east really peaks.
Speaking of which – thanks for the price guide, Amir, but do you have one in the King’s English?
If you think that’s bad – you should see Sharon Stone‘s parenting. She wants to pump her child so full of Botox that his seams start to burst. That’s why a judge just banished her to only seeing him two weekends a month or something.
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When Nicole Kidman starred in BMX Bandits, the world truly was her oyster. She was beautiful, she was fresh, and watching those two Australian bicyclists repeatedly steal ice cream cones from that fat kid was funny as funny can be.
She may as well hang it up though, because now she looks exactly like a large-browed bat. It's unknown whether or not she flies around blindly eating insects at night, but if what her face looks like now means anything, then surely she does. Plus, through most of Bewitched we think she had a squished mosquito stuck to her enamel.
Nicole Kidman looks like a hideous clean-shaven bat. She really does. Don't be down on us for saying it – we're just passing along news. It's a doctor what said it. Then we realised it was true.
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