The thing about terrorists is this – sure, they’re more than happy to sit giggling in a small room with a flaming gay Austrian for hours on end, but if you put it in an international film, darn it all, they are gonna have to save face.
And when we say save face, we mean they’re gonna have to kill Sacha Baron Cohen. After all, in his Bruno movie he somehow made them all look homo friendly – and something like that could lead to a lot of teasing at the next militant Muslim extremist Christmas gala.
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Things that are certain in life: Big Brother will be awful but it will drag us all in for the hideous ride. Death, taxes and an irritating headache on the day you’re supposed to be going on a big night out. Sacha Baron Cohen will get sued eight billion times for whichever of his comedy characters he’s been parading around most recently.
Yes, the latter has once again happened, with Cohen’s Bruno being sued for allegedly hurting a woman in a bingo hall quite badly.
Normally this would bring cries of derision from hecklerspray, but this time it looks a bit different…
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Ich vas wrong when I thought that Sacha Baron Cohen’s camp crusader, Bruno, would be a slice of cringe-worthy crap.
The Cambridge educated comedian is back on form after Borat and causes a storm of trouble as a gay Austrian fashionista. Censors in the US are not amused and consider his homosexual humour to be ‘over the line’.
So far they’ve rated Bruno NC-17, which means the film may not see a commercial release but is guaranteed to be good.
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We have a friend that used to orchestrate panda fights in her basement.
She’d charge $12 a pop to watch, and when enough people were gathered around she’d let the beasts out of their cages. Those pandas are savage animals too – we saw them skin a guy once. It was a half-dead senior citizen, but a guy nonetheless.
But all that was when the pandas were younger. With the passing of time came panda-related geriatric problems. Also with the passing of time came a strange gay-panda love affair. It was actually horrific – not that anything’s wrong with that.
That experience is why we feel we can relate so well to a whole bunch of people in Arkansas. They showed up for a vicious cage fight, and what they got instead was two grown mean undressing each other in a flurry of lust and passion.
And you know who people are blaming? Borat. We mean Bruno. People are blaming Bruno.
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The Borat movie came out so long ago that the only people left to logically get annoyed about it are people who share buses with year-late schoolkids who insist on shouting nothing but "Wow wow wee wah" every single effing day.
But that isn't the case at all – there are still some unwitting stars of Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan who have only just got round to suing the makers of the movie for the way they were led to appear in it. The latest Borat-suer is driving instructor Michael Psenicska, who is seeking unspecified damages from producers. It's an important lawsuit, too, because it means that almost everyone who appeared in the Borat movie has now tried to sue – and it'll be a clean sweep once we've convinced those two Jewish cockroaches from the guest house scene that they were unfairly represented.
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