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Book

Snooki Crashes Into Cop Car, Presumably After Realising How Irritating She Is

by Mof Gimmers

Snooki – a cross between a shaved Har Mar Superstar and a tin of off-creosote – is, once again, being filmed for some vapid, gaspingly bad television programme for MTV, the music channel that doesn’t show any music videos. And while shooting (with cameras, not guns sadly) the fourth season of Jersey Shore this weekend, [...]

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Shania Twain Taunts Us By Nearly Quitting Music After Throat And Emotions Fail Her

by Mof Gimmers

Shania Twain once told us that ‘the best thing about being a woman is that you get to have a little fun.’ Of course, men have fun too. And when men and women have fun together, everything is just great, right? Wrong. You see, in this case, ‘a little fun’ happened to be Shania’s husband [...]

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Snooki Gives An Actual Lecture In A University And Millions Of Brains Leap Into The Sea

by Mof Gimmers

New Jersey is having something of a state crisis. There’s a $112.3 billion funding gap for next year according to the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities. Worse than that is House Republicans are planning on pushing through a plan to cut off further funding which will take away a further $32 billion. Granted, that’s [...]

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Manic Street Preachers’ Nicky Wire Has An Underwhelming Book Of Polaroids Coming Out

by Mof Gimmers

Are you a fan of turgid, pedestrian, Bryan Adams-sounding cod-political stadium indie music? Well you must be a fan of the Manic Street Preachers then! Or U2. Or Coldplay. We’d add Senser, but they only filled the ‘cod-political’ bit. Anyway, we’re here to talk about The Manics and specifically, World’s Worst Bass Player and skipping/eyeliner [...]

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Snooki Hates It When We Call Her Snooki, Don’t You Snooki?

by Mof Gimmers

Hybrid of Har Mar Superstar and the thing that comes out of the screen in the Ring film, Nicole Polizzi of Jersey Shore, has reached the point of being utterly sick and tired of… well… herself. Now, this isn’t going to end up in some kind of suicide bid, where she finds herself on a [...]

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Twilight Hand Model Wants Her Chance To Shine

by Kris Silver

Twilight fans, otherwise known as Twihards or obese pre-pubescent girls who need to go outside once in a while, are a notoriously crazy bunch. But one woman is determined to out crazy all of them by claiming she has some sort of right to be famous due to some arbitrary link with the series. Hand [...]

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Jersey Shore’s Snooki Makes Bold Claim That She Can Read And Write When Announcing New Book

by Mof Gimmers

America has produced some of the greatest writers the world has ever known. Twain, Capote, Jack Kerouac and now the biggest and best of them all – Snooki. Yep, Simon & Schuster have announced that they will publish a novel by Nicole Polizzi, aka Snooki, of the reality TV show Jersey Shore. Now, you’re probably [...]

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Patrick Swayze Decides To Write His Entire Life Story

by Stuart Heritage

Plenty of people have profited from Patrick Swayze’s cancer – and, yes novelty ‘NOBODY PUTS PANCREATIC CANCER IN A CORNER’ T-shirt vendors, we’re looking at you.

So why not Patrick Swayze himself? It’s been reported that Patrick Swayze will pen a memoir with the help of his wife Lisa. The book will span Swayze’s entire life – which means, unless things take a turn for the better soon, it’s going to have an incredibly depressing ending.

Because, Jesus, The Beast? Have you actually seen that thing? Talk about a terrible way to end an autobiography. Way to bum us all out, Patrick.

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Britney Spears To Autobiographically Stretch Her Life Over 3 – 5 Thin Books

by Shawn Lindseth

What we like most about the new administration doesn’t have to do with change, but that our 20-year-old petition for a Lando Calrissian Star Wars spin-off may finally get some White House backing.

Seriously, our script has been yellowing in our closet. Lucas doesn’t know a good thing when he sees it – he must be racist. Why else would he refuse our package at the door? Again?

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Some Guy Lies To Oprah, Resume Breathing Now

by hecklerspray staff

If it’s one thing that totally miffs Oprah, apart from half-eaten anything, it’s insincere jerks that misrepresent themselves on her show. Bastards.

Seems it wasn’t that long ago that the Big O fell victim to the wily and deceitful James Frey, author of A Million Little Pieces. Oprah, as you may recall, quickly came to Frey’s defense upon hearing the news that much of the book had been, er, made up, actually.

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