Articles tagged with: Book
Lynne Spears Literally Sells Literary Daughter
If hecklerspray's mother's only chance at a decent pension was to write a tell-all book about raising us to adulthood, there'd probably be an entire chapter dedicated to the time an iguana latched onto our nethers during a Caribbean camping trip, and kept its jaw firmly locked all the way back to the mainland. It got us in an outhouse. We should have brought a flashlight. Also there'd be a chapter about how that reptile-hanger-onner had us tied up in Customs for a day and a half. If this book actually happens, don't anybody read it. We'd simply die. When Britney Spears gets a tell-all book penned by her mother, it doesn't get to have any lizard encounters included unless its about dancing with them in those new fangled southern churches. What it does get, however, is vivid accounts of Brit-Brit drinking at 13, drugging at 15, and watching her virginity sail over the horizon on the guardrail of a decrepit family tree house. The tree house bit is probably not an actual excerpt.
If hecklerspray's mother's only chance at a decent pension was to write a tell-all book about raising us to adulthood, there'd probably be an entire chapter dedicated to the time an iguana latched onto our nethers during a Caribbean camping trip, and kept its jaw firmly locked all the way back to the mainland. It got us in an outhouse. We should have brought a flashlight. Also there'd be a chapter about how that reptile-hanger-onner had us tied up in Customs for a day and a half. If this book actually happens, don't anybody read it. We'd simply die. When Britney Spears gets a tell-all book penned by her mother, it doesn't get to have any lizard encounters included unless its about dancing with them in those new fangled southern churches. What it does get, however, is vivid accounts of Brit-Brit drinking at 13, drugging at 15, and watching her virginity sail over the horizon on the guardrail of a decrepit family tree house. The tree house bit is probably not an actual excerpt.
Tom Cruise Causes Sleeper Puns to Take Over the Internet. We’re Not Happy.
Tom Cruise is continuing his run of trying to make people think he's less of a massive mental, religious freak. First he stopped jumping around like a particularly stupid chimp, he stopped going on about Scientology in public - though he did see some of his private video collection released, much to the delight/terror (delete as appropriate) of the general public - and he's seeing some rave reviews flying about for his small role in Tropic Thunder. So what next? Well, it's obvious isn't it? Star in a superhero film, and get someone like Sam Raimi on board to produce. Which is, apparently, what's being pushed for by Tom Cruise and Warner Bros, who own the rights to Sleeper - a short running comic book series from a few years back. Well, Raimi's already on board, but you get the point. And you can't fault the man's logic.
Tom Cruise is continuing his run of trying to make people think he's less of a massive mental, religious freak. First he stopped jumping around like a particularly stupid chimp, he stopped going on about Scientology in public - though he did see some of his private video collection released, much to the delight/terror (delete as appropriate) of the general public - and he's seeing some rave reviews flying about for his small role in Tropic Thunder. So what next? Well, it's obvious isn't it? Star in a superhero film, and get someone like Sam Raimi on board to produce. Which is, apparently, what's being pushed for by Tom Cruise and Warner Bros, who own the rights to Sleeper - a short running comic book series from a few years back. Well, Raimi's already on board, but you get the point. And you can't fault the man's logic.
Heath Ledger’s Death Nothing to do With the DEA Anymore
The DEA investigation into the death of Heath Ledger has been closed with a great deal of secrecy, confusion and 'embarrassment' all round. Yes, it would seem that everyone involved in the investigation - which covered the whole of the US - can breathe a sigh of relief, as they will not have to present themselves in front of a grand jury. This includes one Mary-Kate Olsen, whose involvement with Ledger was something questions have been raised about for a number of months now. Fortunately for the twin-billionaire, with the case being dropped she will no longer be forced to appear for any legal proceedings, nor will she have to keep up her claims for immunity. The collective eyebrow of the world probably isn't quite as raised any more.
The DEA investigation into the death of Heath Ledger has been closed with a great deal of secrecy, confusion and 'embarrassment' all round. Yes, it would seem that everyone involved in the investigation - which covered the whole of the US - can breathe a sigh of relief, as they will not have to present themselves in front of a grand jury. This includes one Mary-Kate Olsen, whose involvement with Ledger was something questions have been raised about for a number of months now. Fortunately for the twin-billionaire, with the case being dropped she will no longer be forced to appear for any legal proceedings, nor will she have to keep up her claims for immunity. The collective eyebrow of the world probably isn't quite as raised any more.
Screech To Write The Saved By The Bell Tell-All You Never Wanted
Poor old Dustin Diamond. His fellow Saved By The Bell alumni have all moved on - Elisabeth Berkley has her nudity and Mario Lopez has his gratuitous self-love, for example - but he hasn't. But don't feel sorry for Dustin Diamond because he's doomed to spend the rest of his life stereotyped into a perpetual inescapable vacuum where he'll only be known as Screech from Saved By The Bell to everyone he ever meets all the time forever until he dies, because some good has come out of it. Dustin Diamond, you see, has decided to use his notoriety to pen a no-holds-barred Saved By The Bell tell-all book that'll chronicle the cast's naughty shenanigans in a frank and shocking manner. Honestly? We're underwhelmed. Now, if there was a Hangin' With Mr Cooper tell-all book coming out...
Poor old Dustin Diamond. His fellow Saved By The Bell alumni have all moved on - Elisabeth Berkley has her nudity and Mario Lopez has his gratuitous self-love, for example - but he hasn't. But don't feel sorry for Dustin Diamond because he's doomed to spend the rest of his life stereotyped into a perpetual inescapable vacuum where he'll only be known as Screech from Saved By The Bell to everyone he ever meets all the time forever until he dies, because some good has come out of it. Dustin Diamond, you see, has decided to use his notoriety to pen a no-holds-barred Saved By The Bell tell-all book that'll chronicle the cast's naughty shenanigans in a frank and shocking manner. Honestly? We're underwhelmed. Now, if there was a Hangin' With Mr Cooper tell-all book coming out...
Sean Connery Is A Bit Of A Git To His Son
Sean Connery would be rubbish on Grumpy Old Men - but stick him in a show called Compulsively Aggressive Old Men Full Of Blind Hatred For Humanity and you're away. Or at least that's the theory. Having allegedly made enemies of his friends, neighbours and everyone who's ever seen Zardoz from start to finish, Sean Connery has now apparently turned on his son Jason. According to a book written by his ex-wife Diane Cilento, Sean Connery's tricks have included removing Jason from his will and threatening to kill him during an argument about his name. Apparently, it was all an effort to get Jason to stand on his own two feet, and it worked - without Sean's help Jason would have never founded the My Dad's A Miserly Bald Sod Who Inexplicably Wants Me Dead support group. Thanks Sean!
Sean Connery would be rubbish on Grumpy Old Men - but stick him in a show called Compulsively Aggressive Old Men Full Of Blind Hatred For Humanity and you're away. Or at least that's the theory. Having allegedly made enemies of his friends, neighbours and everyone who's ever seen Zardoz from start to finish, Sean Connery has now apparently turned on his son Jason. According to a book written by his ex-wife Diane Cilento, Sean Connery's tricks have included removing Jason from his will and threatening to kill him during an argument about his name. Apparently, it was all an effort to get Jason to stand on his own two feet, and it worked - without Sean's help Jason would have never founded the My Dad's A Miserly Bald Sod Who Inexplicably Wants Me Dead support group. Thanks Sean!
Madonna Still Not Admitting Defeat About Her Hopeless Marriage
Ask anyone - anyone - to tell you a fact about Madonna and either they'll mention her grotty sex life or her much-rumoured divorce. OK, maybe not anyone. Ask Madonna and, while it's entirely possible she'll wheel out a hilarious bedroom anecdote, there's no way on Earth that she'll bring up her divorce. That's because, despite relentless gossip to the contrary, Madonna is still maintaining that she's not going to divorce Guy Ritchie. And that's fact. Madonna's brother, who hasn't really seen Madonna that much in almost a decade, said so. And facts don't get any more factier than that.
Ask anyone - anyone - to tell you a fact about Madonna and either they'll mention her grotty sex life or her much-rumoured divorce. OK, maybe not anyone. Ask Madonna and, while it's entirely possible she'll wheel out a hilarious bedroom anecdote, there's no way on Earth that she'll bring up her divorce. That's because, despite relentless gossip to the contrary, Madonna is still maintaining that she's not going to divorce Guy Ritchie. And that's fact. Madonna's brother, who hasn't really seen Madonna that much in almost a decade, said so. And facts don't get any more factier than that.
Kerry Katona’s Mother: Officially Just As Hideous As Daughter
Hecklerspray only recently learned that Kerry Katona was actually born - we simply thought she'd congealed, popping up Master-And-Margarita style on the outskirts of some grim Northern town, swathed in chip fat and possessing the piercing dead eyes of a truly soulless abomination.
Nah. Turns out that she has a mum.
Warning: if you've just eaten, you may want to avoid reading this report for a short while. On the other hand, if you're bulimic - and need a horrific mental image to really spur on that gag reflex - please allow us to be of service. Ready? O-kay.
Geri Halliwell’s New Book Lets Her Babble On Endlessly For Once
Since that Austrian house of horrors incest sex dungeon was found, people everywhere have questioned their own parenting standards. Which is a shame for Geri Halliwell, because her new children's book is being released today, and reading a Geri Halliwell book to a child is only a couple of notches down from locking them in a cellar for 24 years and getting them pregnant against their will. We're joking, of course - Geri Halliwell's book is just a bit of harmless fun. It doesn't compare at all. But Geri Halliwell promoting the book by banging on and on and on and on about herself forever? We don't know about you, but actually that does feel like being raped by your father in an incest dungeon in Austria.
Since that Austrian house of horrors incest sex dungeon was found, people everywhere have questioned their own parenting standards. Which is a shame for Geri Halliwell, because her new children's book is being released today, and reading a Geri Halliwell book to a child is only a couple of notches down from locking them in a cellar for 24 years and getting them pregnant against their will. We're joking, of course - Geri Halliwell's book is just a bit of harmless fun. It doesn't compare at all. But Geri Halliwell promoting the book by banging on and on and on and on about herself forever? We don't know about you, but actually that does feel like being raped by your father in an incest dungeon in Austria.
