On the set of Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol, Tom Cruise thought he’d go and do a nice thing for Simon Pegg – talk to him like he knew who he was. And what did they talk about? What any celebrity would talk about of course!
Soiled undercrackers!
That’s right. Tom Cruise and Simon Pegg talked about nappies, teaming with faecal matter while playing make-believe like big, hairy and very stupid children. Meanwhile, everyone else presumably looked on wondering if Cruise was trying to recruit someone for Scientology because he’s bang into that alien guff isn’t he?
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Tom Cruise took off as Maverick in Top Gun over 25 years ago and now, in a bid to distract us from his peculiar religious/cult* views, he’s saying that he might be taking to the air again in Top Gun 2.
Obviously, Hollywood is clean out of fresh ideas at the moment.
Cruise is currently promoting his fourth Mission: Impossible film, and he’s told MTV that there’s been discussions with Top Gun director Tony Scott and producer Jerry Bruckheimer about revisiting the film which Quentin Tarantino thinks is about being gay.
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The celebrity autobiography is a funny thing. For example, Geri Halliwell has fourteen of them out and Katie Price, a whopping 5,460 biographies written in her best joined-up handwriting. Even Justin Bieber has three biogs out, even though he’s only a matter of weeks old.
And so, the next kid to get a book deal is Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ daughter, Suri, and she’s only five years old!
Five years old! She can barely wipe her own hoon, let alone manipulate a quill. Still, maybe daddy’s alien friends can give her secret powers to overcome that little obstacle called age?
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There have been few more satisfying TV moments of late than when ‘comedian’ Russell Brand appeared on Have I Got News For You and attempted to impress the audience.
His winning tactic? Erm … simply rambling about author Anthony Burgess in relation to his own bestseller My Booky-Wook and expecting the assembled onlookers to clap like special-needs sealions at his stunning intellect.
Cue a grim look of realisation as Brand found this wasn’t his usual crowd – i.e. an audience made up entirely of slightly-dim sixth-formers who’d label a turnip a ‘legend’ if it had its own E4 series. He then had to do more entertaining, rather than pass off unremarkable literary references as the height of sophistication. A task which – unsurprisingly – he failed spectacularly.
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