Book - HecklerSpray

Tori Spelling Blew All Her Money, Never Fixed Her Face

October 28th, 2013 By Megan Leitch

Tori Spelling has a new memoir coming out, nauseatingly entitled “Spelling It Like It?Is“.? Some excerpts have been leaking out, which is great because no one is really going to shell out any actual money to buy this epic waste of paper.? Some of these include Spelling revealing that she is rich people poor, and that she thinks Katie Holmes is a real life robot.

Spelling and her husband make their income off a reality show on a D-List channel, and Holmes was contractually bound to Tom Cruise for years as his Alien wife, so neither of these revelations are particularly mind blowing, but they do give a shit ton to mock, so I enjoy it.

Lil Wayne To Write About His Time In Prison: Soap Still Not Picked Up In Showers

January 13th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Rap troll, Lil Wayne is going to release his prison diaries, just in time for next Christmas. That’ll be a nice present for your nana won’t it? In it, he’ll probably talk to God a lot while simultaneously glamorising his pretend ‘thug’ lifestyle.

But will he be mentioning the poundings he took around the anus while in the prison showers? We do hope so, because that would be refreshingly charming!

The book will be titled ‘Gone Till November’ and will be based around the diaries he kept while in the clink. This puts Wayne in the same company as Nelson Mandela and… uh… Jeffrey Archer.

Video That Confirms That Jersey Shore Is A Giant Fake

November 3rd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

For some reason, we’ve credited you slobs with some intelligence. Christ knows why. We’ve read the comments you leave. Either way, some of you ain’t so bad. Some of you have probably only seen Jersey Shore out of morbid curiosity.

If you watched it, you probably thought ‘By Jove! This is faker than Kim Kardashian’s wedding!‘

If you’ve been watching the antics of Snooki & Co, thinking that it’s BLATES REAL (or whatever you wobbling colostomy bags say these days), then we’ve got news for you. And someone with more spare time has made a video which proves it. OKAY?

#NaNoWriMo Is Upon Us! Show Your Uninspired Wares!

November 1st, 2011 By Michael Park

Yes it’s that time of year where Twitter is all aflutter with talk of moustaches and novels. The nights have finished drawing in and the drunken abandon of Hallowe’en has passed into the forgotten annals of Facebook albums to be ignored until next year.

Winter’s here and it’s a time for soup, fires, books and growing a moustache and forgetting to do it for charity (yeah, you’re supposed to get yourself sponsored, you unbearable poseur). Winter’s also a time of reflection when we look back and realise that we’ve done nothing to inspire or improve the world. You know, that feeling that everyone gets where they want to make the world a better place by forcing their insufferable platitudes upon an uninterested populace?

Well, most people.

People Irritated That Frankie Boyle Is So Good At Trolling Them With Josie Long Rape Jape

October 24th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Remember when you lot liked Frankie Boyle? Remember when you watched Mock The Week and thought it was ‘alright’? Remember when you realised how awful it was? Remember when Boyle turned into a poor man’s Jerry Sadowitz/post-modern Roy Chubby Brown?

Of course you do. You’re still supremely sore about it. You’re irked and wounded because someone you once liked has gone so very, very shit.

And worse still, you’re irritated because Boyle is so very good at winding you up. That’s exactly what he’s doing right now, by wishing a raping on comedians Josie Long and Richard Herring. God, he’s a twitter outrage dream isn’t he?

Julian Assange’s Penis Is Of No Interest To Anyone

September 29th, 2011 By Kris Silver

Wikileaks founder Julian Assange probably knows all of your deepest and darkest secrets, but it seems like no one wants to know any of his as his new unauthorised autobiography has failed to set the literary world alight.

Since being released last week “Julian Assange: The Unauthorarised Autobiography,” hasn’t managed to shift more than 1,000 copies.

Assange will undoubtedly blame the poor sales on some bizarre CIA conspiracy plot, instead of accepting the fact that no one really cares about him or his allegedly criminal penis.

Are The Manic Street Preachers Going To Do The Right Thing And Split Up?

September 1st, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

They sound like Brian Adams if he’d sat Politics 101 and hop around in Richey Edwards presumed grave, piddling out the most pedestrian piffle ever slopped onto a guitar solo. They are the Manic Street Preachers and they’re opening and closing their mouths again.

Oh joy.

Fact is, these bloated oafs have been bothering everyone for what feels like a millennia, and now they’re going to go away… and potentially never come back according to chief skipping rope enthusiast, Nicky Wire.

Abercrombie & Fitch Hate Jersey Shore’s The Situation More Than You Do

August 17th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

You know Jersey Shore? That’s right – the thing you can blame dreck like Geordie Shore and The Only Way Is Essex on. Well, one of the stars of the show – The Situation – is a monumental penis who has somehow weaselled his way into the VIP section.

So all is well? Not quite.

See, while he’s the star of a hit MTV show, some people aren’t so taken with him. Despite the free advertising that comes with appearing on a widely watched show, Abercrombie & Fitch have posted a statement on their website asking Mike ?The Situation? Sorrentino to stop wearing their clothes. That’s how much they hate him.

Katie Price Loves Harold Shipman & Wrote A Book But She’s Never Said Anything Purely For Publicity’s Sake

July 28th, 2011 By Sophie Hall

You really think you have the energy to hear this? Sure about that, are we? Let's just take this slow, just in case. Let's not get lodged inside something dark and unyielding and then regret it afterwards (Extract from Antony Costa?s Bedroom Memoirs, 2008) So. Katie Price has written another book.

You should know the drill by now, because of that time you accidently walked into a Newsagents and bought Heat Magazine regularly for two years. Just in case you don't ? here?s the situation we're facing. After having had some sex with Dane Bowers, Peter Andre, Katie Waissel, and most recently a hired homosexual gentleman ? Katie Price?s career as a businesswoman was for some reason being somewhat overlooked. It was then that Katie discovered her greatest talent ? ringing someone up and asking them to write a book for her. A great author was born (but that’s not relevant).

Today saw the launch of Katie?s latest literary delight in the shape of ?The Comeback Girl?. A story about something, or other. Pssh. Bloody pretentious Pulitzer fodder, if you ask us.

Jane Fonda Proves That Left Wingers Are Just As Mental As Those On The Right

July 18th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

People on the far left of the political swingometer of shit, have this insane belief that they are on the side of The Truth. Those on the far right are aware that they have unpopular views, but are still just as mental.

Both are unified by a need to lash out at an imagined enemy, kicking the shadows and swearing at the air. Republicans think that foreigners are not to be trusted, and Democrats think that this is just racist talk.

On the left, we find Barbarella. Or, if you prefer, Jane Fonda. She’s had her appearance on QVC pulled (things are tough, right?) where she was to promote her new book on ageing, and she’s wagging her finger at ‘extremist groups’. Familiar language, eh?