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Have you ever looked at Simon Cowell and thought to yourself; ‘I’d like to get a load of plastic explosives and blow him and his botoxed face off the face of the Earth, just for giggles’?
Well, that’s exactly what Cheryl Cole did yesterday. Remarkably, she did it with the help of the British Army.
We don’t remember seeing Simon Cowell’s face on the infamous War On Terror playing cards though. Paula Abdul, yes, but no Cowell.
Tuesday 30th November. At 3.30pm reports of a ‘suspect package’ in London’s Hammersmith started appearing on the internet. Possible bombs in the nation’s capital have never been comedy gold, so we wouldn’t normally mention it were it not for the fact that it all ended happily – except for the foolish bugger who left his luggage unattended – and that the whole incident was covered minute-by-minute by troglodyte comedian Bill Bailey.
That’s right. Not Sky News, who normally LIVE for potentially bloodthirsty, fear-mongering fodder like this. Not the BBC, but cave-dwelling king of whimsy Bill Bailey, who for three hours selflessly gave the world live updates via Twitter from his office at the scene.
And also gave the world three hours off from his increasingly wearisome jokes about ‘orcs’ and ‘klingons’. Read More >>>
10 – That’s the main problem with cats nowadays. No Queensburys…
9 - But what about revenge castration? – Coed
8 – Want to celebrate Christmas with knitting? OK! - Instructables
7 - Quite a brilliant nationwide art installation that you can help with. Honestly, it’s a lovely idea – Britglyph
6 - Hip-hop albums done in Lego. Nobody knows why – Format
5 - Missed that Britney Spears documentary from a few weeks ago? Want to watch all of it now? Really? Oh, OK - Joost
4 -Female serial killers are so adorable, aren’t they? – Mentalfloss
3 - It’s Christmas, so let’s, um, smash up a bomb with a mallet? - Biertijd
2 - Deconstructed Disney. And it’s marvellous – Drawn
1 – 15 ridiculous women. Not a letdown – Jezebel
Stalkers, it's time to raise your game – boxes of dead flowers and jizz-covered photos just won't cut it anymore, not now that Jodie Foster's stalker wants to blow up some airports.
OK, before we get too ahead of ourselves, let's make it clear that the man in question is only Jodie Foster's alleged stalker and that he's only been arrested on suspicion of threatening to blow up just one airport in a handwritten letter.
But either way, Jodie Foster gets all the luck, doesn't she. Never mind blowing up an airports, we'd be happy enough if someone just wanted to trump in a monkey's eye to prove their love for us.
