Thumbs up and down.

Folded:

• Body of Lies on DVD (unfairly panned during its theatrical run, this is an engrossing, if occasionally silly spy movie with a standout turn from Mark Strong)
• Dolce Gusto (if you like coffee you should have one of these already. Only sixty quid on Amazon)
• Buy up old Tin-Tin crap on eBay (because it’ll probably be worth a packet soon)
• Ladyhawke (the band, not the film. Definitely not the film)
• ‘Clunge’ (thank you Jay from The Inbetweeners)

Creased:

• Britain’s Got Talent (surely there must be one sane person left who doesn’t watch this tripe? Don’t give us that irony crap either, ‘cos rubbish is rubbish)
• Tassimo (£100 and loads of messing about)
• Pepsi Raw (‘Pepsi Rip-Off’ presumably never made it past the brainstorming stage)
• Charlie Brooker’s News Wipe (they’ve given him a bit too much leeway this time and he’s lost it)
• Compare the Meerkat (yet another example of advertisers trying to be all trendy and clever and instead having their clients come off like desperate buttcracks)

This weekend saw the release of Body Of Lies; a taut, relevant thriller starring two of the world’s biggest actors helmed by one of its biggest directors.

And that’s why Body Of Lies is the number one movie at the weekend box office this week. Oh, actually, wait, no - Body Of Lies isn’t the number one movie at the weekend box office this week. The number one movie at the US box office is actually Beverly Hills Chihuahua, a film about a chihuahua. In Beverly Hills. That stars some dogs.

But just because it was beaten to the number one weekend box office spot by Beverly Hills Chihuahua, it doesn’t spell total humiliation for Body Of Lies. After all, it wasn’t like it was beaten down to third place in the box office by a ropey horror movie that’s only been released now because it’s not good enough for the Halloween market. Oh, actually, wait, no…

You might have underestimated the weekend box office might of Beverly Hills Chihuahua when you first heard about it, and we understand – we did exactly the same – but now it’s time for you to grovellingly repent.

After entering the weekend box office at number one last week, Beverly Hills Chihuahua has now taken up home there, beating off Body Of Lies – a Ridley Scott movie starring Russell Crowe and Leonardo DiCaprio – by over $4 million. And just because a film about a funny dog has out-grossed a political thriller about modern day counter-terrorism, it doesn’t mean that movie audiences are dumb. It just means that everyone else is as repulsed by Leonardo DiCaprio’s funny little beard as you are. Here’s the weekend box office top five…

1 - Beverly Hills Chihuahua (Now that it’s a genuine success story, we can all look forward to Beverly Hills Chihuahua‘s inevitable sequel, where the chihuahua accidentally boards a flight to Korea and ends up as a delicious, if somewhat less than filling soup) $17,511,000

2 - Quarantine (Having no idea what Quarantine is about, we decided to check out the trailer. Yeah, it’s basically The Blair Witch Project, but starring an old lady dancing about in a 50p zombie mask. Still, better than Body Of Lies, eh?) $14,200,000

3 - Body Of Lies (Given that Ridley Scott films starring Russell Crowe work on a cycle of one good, one bad – and Body Of Lies‘ woeful under-performance at the weekend puts it in the ‘bad’ camp, then we can safely assume that Nottingham is going to be really quite excellent. And also, Jay-Z‘s going to sample the shit out of it in a few years) $13,120,000

4 - Eagle Eye (Wonderful, another chance to reflect on Eagle Eye and its adorable star Shia LaBeouf. Excuse us while we do exactly that…. oh yeah, that hit the spot) $11,015,000

5 - Nick And Norah’s Infinite Playlist (We’re not going to talk about this movie – instead we’re going to look at City Of Ember, the new Bill Murray movie that only crawled into the weekend box office at an embarrassingly low tenth place. It’s a shame, but perhaps nobody could really accept the idea of an underground community where Bill Murray was mayor. If only the producers had thought to make the mayor a wisecracking miniature dog instead. Seriously, there’s money in that stuff) $6,500,000

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Weekend Box Office - Box Office Mojo