by Stuart Heritage
To quote one of her own bellowed-out power ballads, didn’t Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown almost have it all?
Obviously by ‘it all’ we meant an out-of-control drug addiction, outbursts of domestic abuse, the worst reality TV show in history and a mutual love of manually removing constipated husks of turd out of the rectums of their loved ones with their fingers? Didn’t Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown almost have that?
Well, yes. Yes they did. But that’s all in the past now. Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown definitely aren’t getting back together, no matter how many reports you hear to the contrary. And that denial doesn’t just come from Whitney Houston, but all the imaginary demons she allegedly used to see during her gigantic crack binges as well. So, you know, it must be true.
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by Paul Sorrenti
Bobby Brown’s son (but not Whitney’s) Brandon Brown, has revealed that he was once seduced by Lindsay Lohan in a bathroom or, as the English would more fittingly put it, in a bog.
It’s a typical (Bobby Brown-like) boy meets (Lindsay Lohan-like) girl story:
They meet at a party. They both think ‘ooh, he/she’s fit’. Boy goes to the toilet for a piss. Girl, perhaps aroused by the potential to orgasm whilst simultaneously inhaling the fumes of a conglomeration of random men’s stale urine, follows him in. They have sex. They are now primed to have their first conversation:
Lindsay: Pass us some tissue. Cheers. So, what’s your name and what do you do?
Brandon: My name’s Brandon. My official job title is ‘son’. And you?
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