Articles tagged with: Bobby Brown
Kevin Federline To Slim Down On Telly!
Sometimes, after a messy break up, it's the broken woman who gets all of the attention. Just look at Britney Spears and Kevin Federline. Whilst she was going commando in clubs and giving herself weird haircuts, very few people spared a thought for poor Federline - alone in a big house somewhere, playing Toxic over and over again, gorging on chocolate bars and eating what must have been about nine meals a day. It was only when he emerged from his post-wedding grief the size of a house that anyone stopped and pointed their cameras at him again. Yes sir, that man has been eating. So much so that the rumour zipping through Hollywood is that he's going to sort himself out not by privately hitting a local gym, but by getting broken down and built back up again on VH1's Celebrity Fit Club in February next year. He's got guts. Quite literally.
Sometimes, after a messy break up, it's the broken woman who gets all of the attention. Just look at Britney Spears and Kevin Federline. Whilst she was going commando in clubs and giving herself weird haircuts, very few people spared a thought for poor Federline - alone in a big house somewhere, playing Toxic over and over again, gorging on chocolate bars and eating what must have been about nine meals a day. It was only when he emerged from his post-wedding grief the size of a house that anyone stopped and pointed their cameras at him again. Yes sir, that man has been eating. So much so that the rumour zipping through Hollywood is that he's going to sort himself out not by privately hitting a local gym, but by getting broken down and built back up again on VH1's Celebrity Fit Club in February next year. He's got guts. Quite literally.
Whitney Houston Details Exactly How Berserk Bobby Brown Was
Whitney Houston got where she is today by following one rule - take so many drugs that you end up looking like wheezy cadaver. Wait, no, that's not right. What we meant to say was that Whitney Houston got popular by following one rule - give the people what they want. And this worked, because in the 1990s people wanted bad films and identical-sounding songs bellowed by idiots. And Whitney Houston still follows this rule. Because Whitney Houston is still giving the people what they want - anecdotes about the time Bobby Brown went mental, spat on her and started drawing evil eyes everywhere. Splendid.
Whitney Houston got where she is today by following one rule - take so many drugs that you end up looking like wheezy cadaver. Wait, no, that's not right. What we meant to say was that Whitney Houston got popular by following one rule - give the people what they want. And this worked, because in the 1990s people wanted bad films and identical-sounding songs bellowed by idiots. And Whitney Houston still follows this rule. Because Whitney Houston is still giving the people what they want - anecdotes about the time Bobby Brown went mental, spat on her and started drawing evil eyes everywhere. Splendid.
Whitney Houston & Bobby Brown Not Rekindling Their Awful Romance
To quote one of her own bellowed-out power ballads, didn't Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown almost have it all? Obviously by 'it all' we meant an out-of-control drug addiction, outbursts of domestic abuse, the worst reality TV show in history and a mutual love of manually removing constipated husks of turd out of the rectums of their loved ones with their fingers? Didn't Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown almost have that? Well, yes. Yes they did. But that's all in the past now. Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown definitely aren't getting back together, no matter how many reports you hear to the contrary. And that denial doesn't just come from Whitney Houston, but all the imaginary demons she allegedly used to see during her gigantic crack binges as well. So, you know, it must be true.
To quote one of her own bellowed-out power ballads, didn't Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown almost have it all? Obviously by 'it all' we meant an out-of-control drug addiction, outbursts of domestic abuse, the worst reality TV show in history and a mutual love of manually removing constipated husks of turd out of the rectums of their loved ones with their fingers? Didn't Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown almost have that? Well, yes. Yes they did. But that's all in the past now. Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown definitely aren't getting back together, no matter how many reports you hear to the contrary. And that denial doesn't just come from Whitney Houston, but all the imaginary demons she allegedly used to see during her gigantic crack binges as well. So, you know, it must be true.
Lindsay Lohan’s Toilet Love With Bobby Brown’s Son
Bobby Brown’s son Brandon Brown has revealed he was once seduced by Lindsay Lohan in a bathroom. It’s a typical (Bobby Brown-like) boy meets (Lindsay Lohan-like) girl story: They meet at a party. They both think ‘ooh, he/she’s fit’. Boy goes to the toilet for a piss. Girl, perhaps aroused by the potential to orgasm while simultaneously inhaling men’s stale urine, follows him in. They have sex. They are now primed to have their first conversation: Lindsay: Pass us some tissue. Cheers. So, what's your name and what do you do? Brandon: My name's Brandon. My official job title is 'son'. And you?
Bobby Brown’s son Brandon Brown has revealed he was once seduced by Lindsay Lohan in a bathroom. It’s a typical (Bobby Brown-like) boy meets (Lindsay Lohan-like) girl story: They meet at a party. They both think ‘ooh, he/she’s fit’. Boy goes to the toilet for a piss. Girl, perhaps aroused by the potential to orgasm while simultaneously inhaling men’s stale urine, follows him in. They have sex. They are now primed to have their first conversation: Lindsay: Pass us some tissue. Cheers. So, what's your name and what do you do? Brandon: My name's Brandon. My official job title is 'son'. And you?
Bobby Brown Not At All Bitter About Whitney Houston, Ahem
The general opinion of Bobby Brown is that he's so impossibly unlikeable that it's beyond the realms of human thought to imagine him being much more of an arsehole.
Kids, he's done it.
You know how you think that Bobby Brown was the wife-beating idiot who helped plunge Whitney Houston into a spiral of hard drug addiction? Didn't happen. Bobby Brown has written a book where he claims that Whitney Houston was the one who introduced him to all the drugs. Which all seems so obvious now - what was Whitney Houston's pre-Brown dancefloor-filler My Name Is Not Susan if not the desperate shriek of a burnt-out husk with a debilitating antifreeze addiction?
