bob geldof - HecklerSpray

Peaches Geldof Likes Reading Negative Things About Herself

April 13th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

If Peaches Geldof wasn?t the daughter of a moaning old rocker who pretty much called us pricks for not giving to charity, she’d be the sort of girl you'd see tapping furiously on a laptop in Starbucks all day and blabbing loudly on Skype.

With a face resembling curdled milk, she always looks like a combination of someone surprised and zoned out. Either everything is a surprise to her, or she takes a lot of ketamine.

Every time she appears in the news, we don't get to hear of any great deeds she's done for charity. Instead, she's either off her chops on drugs, accused of stealing clothes or having relationship issues. Basically, she's just a piss poor UK version of marriage mentalist Britney Spears and jewellery pincher Lindsay Lohan. For reasons unbeknown to us, Peaches Geldof keeps on getting TV work, with ITV2 giving her a ghastly show called OMG! With Peaches Geldof.

Peaches Geldof Accused Of Stealing For The Heck Of It

March 16th, 2011 By Amy Grindhouse

Peaches Geldof has decided to forge a career for herself outside of composing listicles for a myriad of otherwise credible media publications.

It’s just a shame that she’s being accused of breaking the law in her new line of work. It’s a shame because, according to multiple reports, the 22-year-old is turning quite a roaring trade.

It was reported yesterday that the daughter of Live Aid’s founder, Bob Geldof, and daughter of the late Paula Yates, had been accused of theft. Again.

Lose Weight, Donate Fat, Save Lives In Africa

January 17th, 2011 By hecklerspray staff

Even though Bob Geldof and Bono may go on with themselves like they have single handedly solved the problem of Africa (that’d be famine and debt, rather than them generally not liking the whole continent), the fact remains that there are still huge problems out there.

Of course, in the Western world, we have our own problems too. Slow internet connections, updates on our computers, a lack of signal for our mobile phones and, of course, the fact that we’re all hugely obese and all joining the type 2 diabetes club.

However, amongst these two main problems is a solution. You can donate your fat to the malnourished people of Africa, thereby saving their lives and making us look beautiful and thin. And really, really smug.

Micro Pig Gets Its Very Own Peaches Geldof

July 28th, 2010 By Matthew Laidlow

The trendiest must-have pet to have this year is the micro pig – it boasts all sorts of advantages over the traditional puppy.

Every winter, stark warnings are given to us that a dog is for life, not just for Christmas. Now, whilst we don't condone the abandoning or even killings of puppies, at least the micro pig can be put towards an early morning bacon sandwich once it stops being cute.

So what makes micro pigs so desirable? Well, it turns out they do nothing but look stupidly cute because they're very small. They’re so teeny, in fact, that stepping on them is a dangerous likelihood. Now one micro pig has gone the extra step and gotten its very own Peaches Geldof to look after. Let's hope it knows the task it's taking on.

Peaches Geldof Joins A Band! Yes, We Know It'll Be Cack!

April 27th, 2009 By Matthew Laidlow

The Geldofs are like ants in some respects. They always seem to be floating around despite no-one really wanting them there.

Ants scurry around and get in your food on a summer day. Whilst we wouldn't out it past Bob Geldof to steal your sandwiches and give them to the starving, he is an annoying twat. Just like ants.

Bob Geldof can't quite get over the fact he failed in his mission to get a McDonalds in every African country. They?ve had to deal with Burger King instead. But hey, he's trying to do the world some good. Unlike his daughters Peaches and Pixie who use the Geldof name in vain to try and make us think they are vaguely important.

Is Peaches Geldof Going To Jail? Probably Not.

March 25th, 2009 By Paul Sorrenti

Peaches Geldof has been filmed handing over money to a pair of notorious drug dealers and is to be investigated by the police.

Nineteen-year-old Peaches was secretly filmed offering Jonny Blagrove and Cara Burton £140 in return for some unspecified goods.

Then Blagrove, ‘dealer to the stars’, tells Peaches what she wants will actually cost her £190.

The extra £50 quid doesn’t deter Peaches, she is after all the daughter of modern day Jesus, Bob Geldof, and it’s good to see the royalties from I don’t like Mondays aren’t going to waste.

Peaches is then reportedly recorded saying:

I’m going to need Valium tomorrow after this.