Alex James. Remember when you fancied him? You were cooler than your friends because they all fancied Damon when eyeing up Blur like a sexy meat hamper. Alex James was the dreamboat on bass and oh! How he made you swoon.
Sadly, for The Alex James Fan Club, he’s always been an unbearable peen. We’ve been told first hand by one member of Blur that people have to write his basslines for him and he copies them for live shows.
And of course, these days, he’s an even bigger weapon. He makes cheese and has named some of his children Geronimo, Artemis and Galileo. AND BETTER YET, he likes hanging around with Jeremy Clarkson and David Cameron (see above) AS WELL AS running a festival which has financially crippled a primary school!
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Liam Gallagher, a man who facially resembles a cross between a Dickensian henchman and a brain damaged howler monkey, is well known for holding certain controversial views on the world around him. He’s the kind of gent that, if he were punch a GPS satellite out of the sky for ‘looking at him funny’, most people wouldn’t be 100% surprised.
Now, the former front brother of Oasis has decided to launch into a fashion crusade in an effort to clean up the image of some of music’s biggest stars. The bowl-cut-toting funster’s love of the finer fashions have often seen comparisons drawn between him and some of the most flamboyant characters in modern celebrity and fashion.
Who can forget that parka that he wore at Glastonbury 1996, T in the Park 1998, V Festival 2005, Knebworth well, actually… pretty much every live show that Oasis have done**. Still, it had a nice furry hood and was very practical in the winter, according to his mummykins.
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Once upon a time, rock stars had to do outlandish things to get noticed. David Bowie pretended to be from space and had sex with Iggy Pop. Led Zep were rumoured to stick fish up lady’s front bottoms and Fleetwood Mac blew coke up each other’s arses when their noses were too hammered and frail. Let’s not talk about GG Allin. And now, just to prove that rock really is as dead and dull and Nana Mouskouri’s knicker drawer, Damon Albarn has managed to cause small outrage with a single, legally bought in a shop cigarette.
Yessir, the Gorillaz honcho could apparently be in ‘big trouble’ after lighting a cigarette, which can be bought by any tall 15 year old with enough confidence to try buying them, whilst performing on stage.
The Blur warbler was performing with his cartoon band Gorillaz when he sparked up mid-way through a live set at a gig in Portsmouth. But you can’t smoke in this particular venue and… well… it’s likely Albarn absent mindedly did it as opposed to sticking a fist up, Wolfie Smith style and saying “Fuck the nanny state!”
It’s pretty likely that no-one in the audience really noticed either because, y’know, it’s not like he got his dick out, slap it a bit to find a vein to stick a manky needle in and then passed out, smacked up is it? That’s not stopped people from being ‘outraged’ though.
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Has Nick Leeson just been arrested for his part in the downfall of Barings bank? Has eBay just been founded? Has Rose West just been sentenced for the killing of 10 women and children?
No, that’s because it’s not 1995 any more (sorry, mid-90s fans). But looking at some headlines you might be forgiven for thinking that it’s 1995, because the WAR between Oasis and Blur is back ON. Apparently.
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Alex James – the Hugh Grant-haired, bass-playing, cheese-making lovey of Brit Pop superstars Blur (the pretty one who pursed his lips in every video) – has re-sparked rumours of Blur reuniting.
True, this is perhaps the 27th time he personally has sparked the rumours of Blur reuniting.
And, true, it’ll almost certainly be as fruitless as the rest of them. But still, anything to make people realise the Kaiser Chiefs are nothing but an insulting pretender to their throne is worth commenting on.
It’s been five years since they released Think Tank; a kind of ‘half-good, half-wanky’ take on modern culture (a feeling encapsulated perfectly by the usage of a Banksy painting on the front cover – the King of ‘half-good, half-wanky’). Since then the Blur boys have all taken their own unique paths.
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