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blue

“Father Of The Year Nominations” Being Taken – Lee Ryan Shrugs And Stares At His Feet

by Paul Pencott

Latter-day adherent to the Knights Code of Chivalry Lee Ryan has had yet another busy weekend making himself appear exactly as gash as everyone had long-ago decided he actually is. When quizzed as to why he rarely visits his ‘love-child’ daughter, the permanently perplexed-looking poltroon replied with the justification: “I already have a son.”

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Blue Vs The Wanted: It’s ON! And Then It’s Off Again.

by Paul Pencott

Massively unsympathetic squinty-eyed failed solo artist, pretend hard-man and member of Blue Lee Ryan has had a busy weekend of failed chat-up lines, starting ridiculous feuds with other boy-bands and then unreservedly apologising for the whole thing like a great big girl’s blouse. The absurd prancing marionette recently informed a listless world of his thoughts [...]

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Urine Trouble Now Blue As Anthony Costa Toilets Away Eurovision Hope For The UK

by Matthew Laidlow

It was announced recently that boyband goons Blue would fly the flag for the UK and attempt to convince Europe that we haven’t lost the musical talent we once possessed. We’d be lying if we weren’t one of the people questioning the decision of sending a retired act to compete. But then again, we spend [...]

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Blue Set To Embarrass The UK In This Year’s Eurovision

by Matthew Laidlow

It seems bitterly ironic that the UK fails to storm home every year as winners in the Eurovision song contest. After all, you just have to look at the wide variety of established musical acts across multiple genres. We’ve seen it all from jazz, punk, indie, rock ‘n’ roll and electronic. Whenever we look to [...]

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5 Things Lee Ryan Hasn’t Done Since Abandoning Twitter

by Michael Park

There’s only the occasional moment when the collective ‘we’ hate ourselves more than usual. We go from a curled, weeping ball in the corner to a full-on howling banshee at the sheer depravity and hideous abandon that is life. One such moment came last night as thoughts of Derren Brown breaking Uri Gellar’s spine using [...]

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HecklerPlay: The Curse Of Pop Music?

by Matthew Laidlow

Pop is short for popular and songs which are legally purchased are arbitrarily complied in a big list to see who comes out on top. Musos snort at girl groups doing a dance routine and singing irresistibly catchy melodies. Amazingly, grunge bands from Dagenham who only burn five hundred copies on CDR will never be [...]

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Lee Ryan Goes Mental In A Club, World Moves Swiftly On

by Matthew Laidlow

Reputations aren’t tags you’re simply given. Oh no – after years of hard work, there is a possibility that someone will attach some sort of meaning to your life. Looking back through history, we can see that an iconic figure such as Henry VIII was not only known as the fat bastard who ate all [...]

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Lee Ryan In Musical Directional Shock!

by Matthew Laidlow

We’re glad that our favourite ever boy band member has got some work on the go. After all, we wouldn’t like to see him tour the countries social clubs in a clapped out Clio doing his own solo gigs. Just imagine it, for the pricey sum of £50, a couple of pints and a bag of salted nuts you could have Lee Ryan perform all of his erm…”hits”.

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The World Of Music Almost Loses Lee Ryan

by Matthew Laidlow

It’s at this point in this story where we would make some sort of tasteless joke about Lee Ryan. You know, we may bring up that ridiculous quote of his around about elephants and 9/11. Or we could mock his inability to warm up some fish fingers when he was on I’m A Famous Person [...]

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Lee Ryan Rows With MySpace Lover, The Big Tool

by Matthew Laidlow

Joy Division once grimly said that love will tear us apart. It’s almost like Ian Curtis was the Nostradamus of predicting how long couples will last. Sitting in a specially adapted room, he’d glance at a pair of lovebirds before uttering “six months”, “forever” or “half an hour”. One person who could have benefited from [...]

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