Blink 182′s (pronounced ‘blink one hundred and eighty-two, or, if you prefer ‘oh god, it’s that dreadful puke mongers again!’) Travis Barker has decided to let the world know that he’s considering undergoing hypnotherapy to overcome his fear of flying.
Why does he have a fear of flying? Is it because he thinks that, if God intended man to fly, he would have given us wings or at the very least, put grass in the clouds?
Nope. It’s because a plane crash nearly killed him in 2008. You have to assume that the plane has heard Blink 182′s terrible take on punk rock and decided that enough was enough, aiming to either kill Barker or, at the least, maim him.
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Summer just isn’t summer without a few establishing factors. Good weather. The inevitable Katie Price autobiography/perfume.
People drinking cider with no apparent shame. Beloved icons of our childhoods dying in tawdry and depressing ways (although that’s been autumn, winter and spring too).
But everyone knows summer can’t really start until two black holes of musical ability release a stompy, braying, call-and-response cover of a song that wasn’t very good in the first place.
Well, spritz yourself with Katie Price’s Stunning and start scrumping for apples, because Jedward are HERE TO SAVE SUMMER with their cover of Blink-182‘s All the Small Things!
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God, why do you hate us so?
If we made a human body out of all the music ever written, then Beethoven, Mozart and that lot would be the brain. The strong right arm would be made out of bits of Led Zeppelin and Black Sabbath. The speedy legs would be stitched together from pieces of Napalm Death, Slayer and Crazy Frog.
We’d probably use U2 and Coldplay for the testicles.
And Blink-182? We’re seeing them as the long, black hair sticking out of that suspicious mole on our back, that keeps annoying us by getting snagged when we put our shirt on.
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Did you know that Shanna Moakler and Travis Barker had got back together? No? Do you know who Shanna Moakler is? No?
Well shame on you. This is big news. How big? Former drummer of annoying pop-punk band splitting up with the wife he’d already divorced once a year ago big. That’s as big as it gets. Probably.
Anyway, Shanna Moakler has split up with Travis Barker for possibly the billionth time. Usually at this point we’d say it was the kids who we felt most sorry for, but it’s not. It’s us who we feel most sorry for. Us.
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You might think that creating a TV programme off the back of a song by a guitar-based pop group was a bad idea, and you’d be right, mostly.
All the Small Things won us over quite early on with a choral rendition of Bond theme Nobody Does It Better. It is a shame that the rest of ATST didn’t quite live up to the high bar they’d set themselves.
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Remember Blink 182?
Despite only disbanding as recently as 2005 (apparently), this trio of punk-pop muppets were really big in the year 1999, which led many to believe that a global technogical meltdown at the turn of the century would have been preferable to hearing All The Small Things one more time. Alas, it wasn't to be, and album Enema Of The State (do you see what they did there? Do you?) went on to sell approximately sixty million billion trillion copies the world over.
You'd think, then, that the Blinksters would be a relatively chilled-out bunch these days, happy to kick back and watch the odd royalty cheque pop through the letterbox. Unfortunately, you'd be quite massively wrong – because the band's former drummer Travis Barker is mightily pissed off about something and he wants the whole wide world to know it.
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