blind - HecklerSpray

Crackpot News-Mental, Glenn Beck, May Be Going Blind

July 21st, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

Glenn Beck may be going blind. Isn’t that sad? Maybe he actually cried all the fluid out of his eye-sockets, leaving him with two rattling pork scratchings in his skull? Maybe he just plays with himself too frequently?

Beck, who you have no doubt seen going slowly postal on Fox News (or indeed, being lampooned on other programmes) could gradually lose his eyesight and he’s already admitted that he’s “too darn lazy to learn Braille.” That’s okay Glenn! Don’t worry yourself unduly! You make stuff up in your round little head all the time… you don’t need your eyes for that (although, you’ll now have to feel some faces before you can decide whether they’re evil terrorists, rather than just spy a turban and call it off the cuff).

Michael Jackson Needs Two Lungs & A New Eye For Xmas

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

There’s no end to Michael Jackson’s talents – he can sing, dance, act and transform into a giant plasticine rabbit to elude his fans.

But there’s one thing that Michael Jackson can’t do particularly well at the moment, and that’s breathe. According to one of his biographers, Michael Jackson suffers from a potentially fatal lung disorder that requires an emergency transplant before it kills or blinds him.

Hopefully that’s not true because, if he has his lungs replaced, the only parts of Michael Jackson to actually belong to Michael Jackson will be three strands of armpit hair and a fragment of toenail.

All Blind People Furious At Movie About Some Blind People

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Being blind must be horrible – as well as being constantly vulnerable, you’d never be able to experience the delight of 2 Girls 1 Cup.

What’s more, people think they can make movies about you and just get away with it. Well they can’t. The National Federation Of The Blind in America is planning to protest the release of new movie Blindness because of what it claims is its unfair portrayal of the blind.

Upset by these accusations, Miramax – the studio behind Blindness – has agreed to make some changes to the movie prior to its release. Unfortunately for the blind, these changes include the insertion of a 10-minute sequence featuring the legend ‘ALL BLIND PEOPLE ARE RUBBISH’ and the entire cast of Blindness all dancing around silently, pulling spaz faces and getting their bums out.