The Jackson family are born performers aren’t they? Those that numbered up the Jackson 5 all loved the limelight and, in later years, so did Papa Joe with that belt-brandishing look in his eye and, of course, world-weary mother Katherine.

We also got LaToya and Janet thrown in for free too, which is nice. Not to mention the champion hurdler Colin and Hobbit botherer, Peter.

What a family! However, Michael Jackson’s son is not like the rest of his clan. He’s ‘nervous’ about testifying in the trial related to his dad’s death.

Apparently, the former King of Pop’s eldest children – Prince and Paris (not to be confused with the singer Prince and the city of Paris) -  are both understood to be completely determined to give evidence after Michael died from… drum roll please… acute Propofol intoxication!

We’ve tapped out the word Propofol so many times since 2009 that we honestly feel like we have a decent case to get some kind of royalty.

A man who hasn’t exactly done the brand any favours is doctor Conrad Murray who has been charged with involuntary manslaughter.

Murder by medicine if you will. That’s not a legal term we’ll point out. We’re just trying to make a catchy buzzphrase that will take-off. You can have that one for free if you write a dreadful book about the whole Jackson’s Corpse v. Murray trial.

AAAAANYWAY.

Prince and Paris were both eyewitnesses to, ostensibly, their ‘dad’ dying. They watched him cease to be on the bedroom floor which is enough to ensure they’ll grow up warped. Well,  Katherine Jackson did say that her grandchildren were going to grow up just like their father.

It’s reported that sources close to Prince say the 14-year-old is nervous and worried that if he’s called to the stand he might get flustered and mess up,’

The trial against Murray begins today in Los Angeles

It has been reported that if Prince (again, not to be confused with the singer of the same name – it really is making the whole thing stupidly confusing) does give evidence, the lawyers may well clear the courtroom so his nerves don’t get the better of him.

If the court isn’t cleared, then Joe Jackson will get a performance by beating the living shit out of the poor tyke and throwing him into the spotlight. POSSIBLY.

Interestingly, one story that’s not being talked about much – the one we like the best because it has a filthy air of mystery about it – is that the fingerprints found on the syringe that killed MJ haven’t been identified and that they apparently don’t belong to Murray or any member of Michael’s family or staff.

Conspiracy theorists reckon it’s a ‘Mr. X’ who dished out the lethal dose and fled the scene of the crime with over $1 million in cash in their back pocket.

It definitely wasn’t us, okay?

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Michael Jackson truly was a man who kept on giving. Note the past tense: he isn’t alive and living on a secret island alongside Princess Diana, 2Pac and Snoopy. However, enough people tell us that Michael Jackson will be coming back in 2057 with robotic facial surgery that gives him scorpion-like stinging powers.

We’ve already slipped on our sparkly glove in anticipation of this moment.

Let this not overshadow the achievements of a man that supposedly gave so much money to charity that it ruined him to the extent of needing an umbrella to protect himself from the sun and a wheelchair for basic mobility. Dr. Conrad Murray was employed to provide the singer with magical potions and drugs to keep him alive and give the impression he wasn’t stuck together with tape and staples following countless bouts of botched surgery. Countless speculations about his health overtook his once glorious music career and he’s now remembered more for his wacko antics than singing, such as his baby waving incident.

Back in 2002, Michael Jackson was experiencing the same level of attention that Justin Bieber receives now. Everywhere the king of pop went, scores of fans would flock around him, desperately trying to catch a bit of the singer’s spittle in their mouths or throw themselves on the floor just so Jackson could use them as a human walkway, eliminating the threat of himself scuffing his LA Gear trainers.

Eager to show his fans that he vaguely gave a toss about them and wasn’t just milking them for money from multiple crap albums, Jackson came to the window of a Berlin hotel for a jolly wave. If this was a fairytale, everything would have ended neat and tidily, but because Michael Jackson is involved, there is always a twist. Jackson lent forward out of the window with the terribly named Prince Michael II in his arms. The crowds focus was diverted from Jackson’s wonky nose and towards the helpless tot who was dangled around 20ft off the ground. Thankfully, a baby pancake wasn’t created on the Berlin streets as Michael managed to maintain his frail grip on the child and return him back inside and out of harm’s way.

Yet again, Michael Jackson was being questioned about his antics with children who were powerless to defend themselves against a person who looked like an evil clown with a melted face. He’d already faced one visit to court where he faced charges of inappropriate kiddie touching and was going to become accused of similar accusations a couple of years later. Perhaps this was some sort of warped sign from God telling him to bin the Jesus Juice and look after his own offspring so he wouldn’t be known as the world’s worst babysitter.

But onto this sculpture. Don’t ask us why, but the artwork is entitled “Madonna and Child.”

Did Madonna tell Michael Jackson to dangle his child from the balcony so she could adopt Prince Michael II and add him to her litter? We don’t really know, but the sculpture that’s been created by Swedish artist Maria von Kohler is located in the window of The Premises Studios where Arctic Monkeys, Amy Winehouse, Al Green and Nina Simone have all recorded. A possible warning sign that if you succeed in life, you’ll probably go mental in some way.

This is the second Michael Jackson tribute statute within as many weeks. So far we’ve heard no reports of any artists dedicating work to Janet Jackson. At best, it would just be a paper mâché boob following her Superbowl wardrobe malfunction.

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As far as we can tell the only good thing to come out of Michael Jackson’s death is that he could now remake the zombie part of his Thriller video with a much smaller portion of budget allotted to the makeup department.

The choreography might be a touch less fluid, but still. In that context this whole unfortunate death thing is a Hollywood financier’s dream.

Joe Jackson, allegedly, thinks some other lemonade can be made from the whole mess. He’s trying hard to convince MJ’s three kids to take to the stage in a worldwide tour sort of way.

Right now Joe Jackson is probably somewhere in a mansion trying hard to convince his three most recent tenants that the only way to keep their father’s disaproving ghost at bay is to perform his hits on stage for money. If the kids take the bait they could end up making loads of money and launching themselves down the path of world wide fame and fortune.

What he’s likely failing to mention is that the same path apparently ends in an early grave with a neck full of mysterious needle marks and a body that does all its decomposing on the wrong side of death. And you know what? If we were him and we were trying to convince our grandkids to go on tour as the Jackson Three, we’d probably omit that stuff too.

You hadn’t heard about the Jackson three? Well it’s all right here in the Sun:

“Michael Jackson’s father, Joe Jackson, is lining up the King of Pop’s children for a world tour as The Jackson Three — despite family members accusing him of trying to “exploit them like Jacko.” Former Jackson Five manager Joe is said to have approached Prince Michael, 12, Paris, 11, and seven-year old Prince Michael II — known as Blanket — to hit the stage next year.”

Just think of all that money. And don’t worry about any undue hardships on the children. After all, they can attend a backstage school in between sets where they’ll get an education from a cheap teacher Joe found on Craigslist. Plus, the children’s life in the spotlight - well it’s what Michael would have wanted, apparently.

And as far as what you’ve heard about the senior Jackson managing a band made up entirely of child-relatives, well, where he’s from maybe whacking skin with worn belts is a sign of deep affection. In Gary, Indiana, we’ve often heard, they don’t hug they throttle. You’ll find that kind of affection nice once you’ve lived there for a while, we swear.

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