Hey, are you sick of being forced to think of Amy Winehouse’s grisly genitals in action yet? Yeah, us too.

But come on. Take a deep breath, hunker down for the next couple of minutes and we’ll all get through this together. It might take some strength of mind and a couple of months of group counselling afterwards, but we’ll be OK. Ready?

Good. Amy Winehouse has apparently been – urg – having sex. With someone who isn’t her husband or that new bloke she’s been dragging around lately. Amy Winehouse has apparently been having sex with – gleurgh – a long-haired American photographer. And it’s all the fault of – huuurrrgh – Kelly Osbourne. If you need us we’ll be puking and crying at the same time in the corner.

Honestly, these revelations about Amy Winehouse cheating on her husband really knocked us for six. Not because she uses every possible public appearance to bellow the word “Blake!” like a wounded dinosaur, but because Blake Fielder-Civil is just an unquestionable hunk of dreamy masculinity.

Really, look at Blake’s lank hair and stupid pointless face. How could anyone cheat on a sexy cowboy like that?

But apparently it’s happened. Amy Winehouse is now together with Alex Haines, a drug-free moderate drinker who’d be completely without worth if he didn’t look so freakishly identical to Phil Mitchell’s deaf son from EastEnders. Alex will be good for Amy Winehouse, they say, because he’s a giant cissy and the most dangerous thing he’s ever done involved putting some raw meat on top of some cooked meat in his fridge for three seconds in 1989.

But the story doesn’t end there because, before she hooked up with Little Lord Fauntleroy, it’s been claimed that Amy Winehouse also had a bit of an affair with an American photographer called Blake Wood who basically looks like a teenage pony that listens to too much Megadeth.

During their affair, Amy’s friends even took to calling Wood Blake 2 – not because he shares the same name as Amy Winehouse’s husband, but because he looks as if he stinks of shit. Anyway, The Sun reports:

AMY WINEHOUSE’s new guy is the SECOND fella she cheated on her jailed husband with, The Sun can reveal… She was just out of rehab and staying at London’s Park Plaza hotel when she began romping with American BLAKE WOOD — dubbed Blake II by her chums. One said: “You could hear them down the hall. Her thing with Blake II lasted a few weeks. The pair barely left their room.” The photographer had been helping Amy battle her drug demons after she was introduced to him by her pal KELLY OSBOURNE, 23.

There’s good cause to doubt this story – because legend has it that if anyone hears Amy Winehouse having sex, from down the hall or not, they spend the rest of their lives in the kind of quivering catatonic state usually reserved for those who’ve just seen a bear angrily rape their entire family – but it’s more fun to believe it, so we will.

It’ll be interesting to see how this new revelation will alter whatever divorce settlement Blake Civil-Fielder has coming to him, but not as interesting as the fact that Amy Winehouse has allegedly managed to cheat on her husband with at least two different people so far. That brings the total of people who find Amy Winehouse attractive enough to risk the health of their own penis up to three, and frankly that’s about six more than we’d originally anticipated.

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Amy also slept with US snapper - The Sun