There’s no video content for this week’s Badvertising, primarily because caretaker of the advertising corner, Michael Park, has become the victim of legal action after a woman’s head exploded after seeing his smug, self-involved face on her computer screen more than the appointed twice in a month. This means that it’s back to plain ol’ words!

When you’re making an advert, it’s important to establish a relationship for the sake of the viewer. Now, what do we mean by that? There are myriad different types of relationships in advertising from the authoritarian ‘expert’ who spends a worrying amount of time bellowing out of the television, to the ‘friends’ who love nothing more than snuggling up on a couch eating Maltesers and taking intravenous injections of air freshener.

There are antagonistic husband and wife duos as well as the brother/sister combo and occasionally you get to see a couple of children sitting around being accosted by a rip-off mouse. It’s just how advertising is. Relationships are usually established pretty damned quickly.

Except here…

Who is this woman? Aside from being someone who breaks into people’s houses and demands cups of tea while speaking like Margaret Thatcher after she was forced to chain-watch all six seasons of Sex In The City, she appears to be an apparition who believes solely in the spread of bingo.

Perhaps she belongs to the Church Of Jesus Christ & The Latter Day Tweak of the Thumb. Who knows. She could be the Queen Bee or the Dancing Queen. She’s definitely not one of the Two Fat Ladies. There we go, we’ve got rid of all the woeful bingo puns in one paragraph that you could have ignored if we’d had the good grace to warn you beforehand.

Once this mad bat has cracked her laptop out, she begins indoctrinating her shocked victim into the ways of bingo until the poor, bemused fool is too broken to even question this woman’s presence in her kitchen. There she was getting on with a spot of ironing and the next thing she knows, some vampiric whore who has just eaten a live chicken to sustain her blood lust is hovering over her talking about her father liked to engage in orgies.

Everything happens so fast, even the audience is left completely unaware of who this woman is. One thing’s for sure, she must have an endless supply of laptops if she’s not even bothering to take it with her. Do vampires have a lot of money? That’s a thought for the Hallowe’en special…

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or face dire consequences or ‘Like’ us on Facebook or BUY ONE OF OUR T-SHIRTS OR WE’LL KILL EVERYONE YOU LOVE… & your little dog too!

Things that are certain in life: Big Brother will be awful but it will drag us all in for the hideous ride. Death, taxes and an irritating headache on the day you’re supposed to be going on a big night out. Sacha Baron Cohen will get sued eight billion times for whichever of his comedy characters he’s been parading around most recently.

Yes, the latter has once again happened, with Cohen’s Bruno being sued for allegedly hurting a woman in a bingo hall quite badly.

Normally this would bring cries of derision from hecklerspray, but this time it looks a bit different…

Where normally Sacha Baron Cohen is sued for having a sense of humour, mocking idiots and preying on those with deep-seated resentment of “the blacks” “the jews” or “the foreigns” (or is simply punched in the face), this time – if early indications are anything to go by – there may be legs on the case.

During filming for the upcoming Bruno movie Cohen visited a bingo hall in Palmdale, California, back in 2007. While he had been billed as a celebrity guest, his presence probably didn’t go down too well – if it did, it would be a bit of a shit film, let’s be honest.

No, what allegedly happened was that Sacha/Bruno was involved in an altercation with the bingo caller – one Richelle Olson – which (allegedly) left her so dazed that she ended up collapsing and hitting her head on a concrete slab. Allegedly, this has (allegedly) left her disabled, has made her lose a great deal of weight and has generally made her life a lot worse, pushing her to sue for unspecified damages.

Allegedly.

What isn’t alleged is what Olson herself said of the allegedly fateful day, which was as follows, according to (*shudder*) The Daily Express:

She accuses the star of using “vulgar and offensive language” when he took the stage to call the numbers during the bingo game, and when she tried to snatch the microphone from him she alleges a “physical struggle ensued.”

The legal papers allege Cohen “offensively touched, pushed and battered” Olson, causing her to fall to the ground.

She goes on to accuse several camera operators, who were filming the event, of rushing onto the stage where “defendants attacked (her) for a period of one to five minutes to intentionally create a dramatic emotional response… while (they) recorded her humiliation and embarrassment.”

It all sounds pretty horrible, to be fair, but at the same time it’s hard to take any of these cases seriously when the vast majority of them are nothing but embarrassed morons feeling bad that they’ve been shown up. Time will tell if this is one of those cases or if it carries on and leads Sacha Baron Cohen to rethink how far he goes with his film stunts.

It probably won’t, let’s be honest here. Lawsuits will have been expected from day one, especially after the three billion other ones (eight was an overstatement) that came along in the wake of Borat. And lest we forget, this is a man who is willing to bleach all of his body hair for a laugh.