The imagined coalition of ‘The West’ has been uniformly sickened with scenes of whooping rebels, cheering the deaths of Americans in various terrorist attacks. See, The West has a moral highground on this one because, when we go around killing people, we get a note from our mum’s first (or, as they’re officially known, The United Nations).

And so, this weekend, the untimely death of Osama Bin Laden has seen pretty much everyone sit up and take note. Alas, in a mass display of pot meeting kettle and pointing out what colour it is, Americans have stood in the streets, cheering and whooping the death of a man.

Political analysts have been flooding us with conjecture and opinion, most pointing out that this isn’t a matter of killing the head so the body dies, rather, this is just the beginning of yet more faeces hitting the already caked fan. But sod those guys! What do our greatest minds – musicians – think about it all?

Green Day’s intelligent singer, Billie Joe Armstrong, who once sang on an album which featured monkeys throwing handfuls of shit around, warned:

“Do not turn the man into a martyr”

Too late. Same goes for the killing of Gaddafi’s recent losses. These recent scalps saw the typically cynical Chuck D (y’know, the guy from Public Enemy – no, not the one with the clock. That’s Flava Flav) sighing:

“USA is at it again , number one in the rankings of Killing Championships. Stealing the Gold in the Murder Olympics, and the crowd goes wild!”

The unfathomably popular Frank Turner quoted Mark Twain:

“I’ve never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure.”

Of course, country musicians were typically patriotic.

Blake Shelton wrote:

“Sorry if this seems disrespectful but I’m so glad that piece of absolute s**t Osama is dead.”

However, all these people with brains don’t matter. We all need to know what 50 Cent thinks about the whole thing don’t we? Well, via twitter, he simply linked to this track. Not only is the song a piece of incredibly cynical opportunism, but it also contains a Charlie Sheen meme.

Listen for yourself… and let your jaw slowly hit the floor.

Agog.

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Do you remember a time when it was okay to be named ‘Osama’? When you wouldn’t get looked at funny, or referred to as ‘that one that is probably a terrorist, just because he shares the name with a bad man’?

We just ask as it’s quite funny, seeing as Britney Spears’ one-time sidekick is named Osama and all the popular press and the like refer to him as ‘Sam’. If it weren’t for some events in September of 2001 then maybe hecklerspray would accept that this were simply a nickname, or shortened version of his given name. As it is, however, Osama Lutfi is clearly referred to as Sam for fear of being likened to a terrorist.

Silly as that may be, he doesn’t exactly help his cause when he gets the master of mental – that’s Britney, fact fans – to put out a restraining order on him. Which is exactly what happened. But fret not, as Britney no longer wishes for it to be law that he can’t come near her! Thank the almighty for that.

Osama Lutfi was at Britney’s side during a fair bit of her much-publicised spiral of insanity earlier this year, with Britney’s own mother accusing ‘he with the safely Americanised shortened name’ of holding her daughter hostage, drugging her and controlling her finances.

The obvious solution to that problem was, of course, to put Britney’s father, James, in charge of her personal life, keeping control on her movements as well as controlling her finances. This was all on top of – just to be on the safe side – putting out a restraining order on Osama.

Lutfi, that is – not bin Laden. That would be a bit daft.

For once it would seem like Britney had done something pretty sane – a man apparently contributed in an incredibly negative fashion to her life, so she got the law to tell him he can’t come within 250 yards of her. Fair play. Then she decides that she doesn’t want to renew the restraining order, but still doesn’t want him to come anywhere near hear… whu?

Ahhh – it all makes sense. Britney’s papa will just stand in the way of the door, telling Osama something like ‘she’s practising her VMA routine’, ‘she’s gone to see the kids‘ or ‘she’s going a bit mad for the TV cameras again’. It will all work out perfectly, we’re sure.

The attorney who must be earning a warehouse full of of cash by dealing with Britney said these words:

“Britney has made clear to everyone that she does not want to be further harassed or contacted in any way by Osama ‘Sam’ Lutfi, now or at anytime in the future.”

Take that, Osama! Hecklerspray hasn’t even had a pointless restraining order off Britney Spears in the first place, and we follow her even more than you apparently do. We even have the shape of her face burned onto our skin, and we don’t have to change our names for fear of idiotic reactions. The system works!

Whereas it would be nice to get an irate, aggressive and downright shocking reaction from Osama Lutfi, threatening to pursue Miss Spears to the ends of the earth (or just push her dad out of the way), we have to settle with what he told the AP:

“Mr. Lutfi and Mr. Spears have mutually agreed in private that no hearing or order is necessary at this time.”

And how are we meant to sensationalise that? Bugger it – he probably still has a crap beard anyway.

If The Odd Couple ever returned to our screens, then there isn't a casting director in the land who could dream up an odder couple than this.

Everyone knows Osama Bin Laden – he’s that crazy foreign guy with a vengeance against the west – and then there's R Kelly, a successful singer who officially doesn’t love children a little bit too much. Imagine those wacky characters shacked up in a flat above a chip shop – it would be a certain ratings winner. 

The chances of these two ever bumping into each other over a packet of pork scratchings in the local ale house, though, is quite unlikely. Still this hasn't stopped R Kelly from comparing himself to the world’s most hated terrorist.

After going through a serious court hearing, you would be forgiven to presume that R Kelly would be a bit shaken and not his normal self. But even so, there's shaken and there's saying:

“Osama Bin Laden is the only one who knows exactly what I'm going through.” 

Unless Osama Bin Laden is sitting in a tricked-out cave somewhere in Afghanistan sipping on the finest camel’s milk and eating the priciest rice, we wouldn’t have thought so.

Granted, a lot of people despise the leader of Al Qaeda, but probably not as many as a man who legally didn't force a 14-year-old girl to piss herself to the sound of the Backstreet Boys. Still wounded from the ordeal, R Kelly said: 

“They can criticise you without even knowing you, and hate you when they don't even know you. All of a sudden, you're, like, the Bin Laden of America.”

Hecklerspray admits to making rude rhymes up about R Kelly during the case, but we never realised he’d take it so personally. We are sorry Robert, and promise to never call you a kiddy fiddler again.

We wonder if Bin Laden will feel Kelly’s pain of not having a decent record in such a long time. People we know tell us that the people in Afghanistan weren’t taking well to Bin Laden's last pop hit – The West Are Pigs And They Must Be Destroyed.