The internet can be a dark and cruel place full of cyber bullies hiding behind anonymous usernames and bastards like us, who are rewarded by the mainstream media for having blogs dedicated to slagging off celebrities.

Ha!

In fact, the internet is such a vile cesspool of hate that the stars have come out and whinged about how they’re being made fun of too much and it hurts their feelings and that people should care about their pointless little lives and treat them as humans and not the dancing monkeys they actually are.

Those bastions of integrity, Miley Cyrus, Kelly Osbourne and the ugly Kardashian sister, have all taken to the internet in order to criticise it for it’s propensity to bully and ridicule, something we here at hecklerspray would never stoop to.

After all, who are we to ridicule a group of talentless shills that are only famous for having a relative who either wrote a well known song or made a particularly boring sex tape.

Whilst Khloe Kardashian is content with just stomping her Jimmy Choos and whining about how horrible the internet is, she profiteers her sisters name. Osborne and Cyrus are doing something about it, by saying that social networking site Twitter should ban all cyber bullies from its site.

What Kelly, Miley and Khloe are going through is obviously so much worse than the countless young people and adults that are bullied both in person and online on a daily basis. After all, how are they meant to cope? It’s not like they have millions of dollars in the bank, an array of in varying countries houses and staff to wait on them hand and foot.

Oh, and of course, it’s not like they have PR people to help them maintain their own image.

What’s that? They do! Well, maybe they should stop complaining about how hard their lives are and front some anti bullying campaigns.

Feel free to quote all the dreadful, bully-sounding things Kelly Osbourne has aimed at other celebrities in the past decade or so.

Teenage warbler and spawn of the devil (aka Billy Ray) Miley Cyrus,  recently ‘fessed up to being the raging pothead we all suspected at her 19th birthday party in Los Angeles.

Guest included, Kelly Osbourne and Rumer Willis, boyfriend Liam Hemsworth and of course her parents who were probably out the back, line-dancing through the piles of money they’ve  made from selling their child to the Disney factory.

Miley was presented with a Bob Marley cake and before devouring it face first, she gave a small speech, made up of words.

She said:

“You know you’re a stoner when your friends make you a Bob Miley cake. You know you smoke way too much fuckin’ weed!”

She failed to mention whether the cake had ‘jam-in’ [we're sorry] but subtle as a brick in the face friend, Kelly Osbourne decided to try and be funny and distract everyone from the fact she was ramming fistfuls of cake into her handbag.

Referencing the 2010 incident where Miley was caught bonging herself into oblivion she laughed,

“I thought salvia was your problem!”

What? Could it be that in fact Miley wasn’t smoking perfectly legal salvia but in fact something much more fun-filled and arrest worthy?

Stop shouting “YES!!”, you have no proof.

Kelly, obviously aware that she’d come across as a complete shit-stirrer, ran to tweet and make sure everyone knew it was a joke, m’kay?

‘Let me make something very clear after @MileyCyrus salvia incident we started calling her Bob Miley as a JOKE! The cake was also A JOKE.’

She kept digging that hole.

‘It makes me sick that @MileyCyrus so called ‘friends’ would sell her out and lead people 2 believe she is someone that she is not!’

Um, isn’t that EXACTLY what you just did Kelly?

‘U guys if @MileyCyrus is not recording/filming/touring she is works everyday how could she possibly do all that is she was a stoner! #think (sic)

That’s a very good point daughter of Ozzy Osbourne.  We’ve never heard of anyone in the music business being able to maintain a career whilst using drugs.

However, Miley didn’t give two hoots and tweeted;

‘Can’t thank @MissKellyO for the best partyyyy ever! =]]]] i loveeeee you! Let’s just say there was a unicorn in the lobby!’

No. No there wasn’t.

Bloody hippies.

Here’s the stupid video.

There are some songs that just shouldn’t be covered. A lot of people would agree that Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit was one of those.

But not Miley Cyrus.

Miley decided that she was the perfect person to belt out a borderline sacrilegious version of the Nirvana classic, on her latest tour.

Wearing a skin tight cat suit and stripper heels, Cyrus began to writhe and grind her way through the high tempo grunge track in front of a stunned audience comprising mainly of children who don’t have a clue who Nirvana were and parents who probably loved Nirvana and are now collectively picturing Kurt Cobain’s headless corpse spinning in its grave.

Maybe Miley is just trying to bring a long forgotten cultural identity back into the modern zeitgeist; after all, her father was very successful in doing the same thing to the mullet at the height of his career.

And let’s not forget that Miley herself has no doubt got a whiff of Teen Spirit about her too, what with all the pictures of her smoking suspicious looking substances from bongs and wearing less clothes than it’s probably legal for anyone to see in a photograph… even if it is on her MySpace profile.

Undoubtedly Courtney Love is probably calling in the lawyers as we speak, trying to figure out just how much of Miley’s fortune she’s now entitled to before she has her killed.

But until then, for those of you that can stand it, here is the video of Miley Cyrus breaking a generation of Achey, Breaky Hearts by covering Smells Like Teen Spirit.

Let’s just hope she can keep her head about her for the next few years.

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Bret Michaels – a man who looks like a horrible scientific hybrid of Axl Rose, a pirate and a drag queen – is suing the Tony Awards. Why? Possibly because of his dunderheaded sense of spatial awareness (or lack of it).

In 2009, Michaels performed some awful poodle rock at the Tonys and walked slap bang into a giant bit of set. It was very, very funny (video over the jump).

However, the dumbass singer is now suing the Tonys, stating that it more than likely caused his brain hemorrhage. Like we’re supposed to believe there’s a brain in there!

Michaels smacked his sinister face into the set at the 2009 Tony Awards, which caused everyone to laugh themselves breathless.

However, he’s now claiming that it caused his near-fatal brain hemorrhage six months later. Of course, this means he’s been in touch with his lawyers.

In court paperwork, the former Poison frontman says:

“One of the most common causes of this type of hemorrhage is head trauma — exactly like the one Michaels suffered at the hands of the Tony Awards.”

“Through his sheer will to live, to see his children grow up, [he] was able to survive this trauma.”

Have you seen the incident?

That incident caused a broken nose and a busted lip… and millions of sides to split.

He’s saying that  Tony producers have “failed and refused” to rectify the situation, even blaming it on him. Michaels claims they reckon the incident was his fault because he “missed his mark” but he’s having none of it.

Apparently, the Tonys never told a man who has been performing in a rock band for 30 or more years, how to exit the stage correctly.

Clue: Try and avoid that huge solid object that is hurtling down above your head, just like in rehearsals you nincompoop.

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Despite technically being her biological father, Billy-Ray has always seemed to have been a sort of peripheral figure in the life of Miley Cyrus. We, like most people, just assumed that this squealing, garishly coloured infant that was thrust onto our screens/music charts/cinemas/nightmares a few years ago was grown organically in one of Disney’s many factories, like all teen stars. Possibly incubated in pork render, agar, MSG, and ‘fairy dust’ (which is the trademarked term they use for the last remaining precious spoonfuls of Uncle Walts ejaculate, apparently).

So imagine our surprise when we learnt that it was none other than the combination of the by product of a faux cowboy’s testicles and a genuine human woman’s warm embracing vagina that were contracted out to design and produce her. Under the aegis of the Disney corporation, obviously (probably).

Because of this embarrassing start to life, Miley has tried to distance herself from the biological process that marks her out from the rest of Disney and shown almost no emotional response to her ‘parents’. Until now.

Not only has see been shown demonstrating an emotion, she is apparently ‘furious’. This shows us three things.

1. That she has clearly broken free of her handler

2. That Disney has seen fit to upgrade her ‘demonstrable human emotion chip’ to level II

3. The teasing she must already get from the unbiologically grown Disney properties is just going to get worse. Seriously, you’d never get this level of emotion from good Disney children like the Jonas Brothers.

So what did her (technical) father do? Only gave a bloody interview to GQ where he wheezed out that he:

blamed the Disney series for “destroying” his family and causing his daughter to “go off the track”

The track he is referring to is probably where she started singing ‘Warpigs’ in the middle of ‘Can’t Be Tamed’ during a live performance in Berlin. Either that or all the druggy revelations, and the tattoo, and the racisty slurs, and the lap dance, and the nude photos. All that stuff.

All of which was of course Disney’s fault.

She’s clearly malfunctioning and needs to be taken back to the Disney upgrade center where she can be stripped and given a complete overhaul, cleaned, undrugged pipes, a new purity chip, the whole works.

Basically, they need to give her a complete doing over and stick their large manly tools in every available socket until she’s drained and helpless and possibly gasping for more.

Normally, we’d apologise for the double entendre there, but you know what? Sod it, she’s legal. Go nuts.

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Rocker and tight-faced oddball Bret Michaels had successful surgery at a hospital somewhere in America (do you really care which one?) on his heart. And a miracle happened! Doctors not only found a heart, but they managed to repair a hole in it while they were there!

Of course, Billy Ray Cyrus will be hoping doctors can mend his heart after Michaels ran off with his wife. Allegedly. She’s obviously got a thing for men with awful, awful haircuts.

Michaels, of course, was the frontman for the band Poison… and… well… somehow, he’s stayed famous, despite looking like an ageing wrestler with his face trapped inside a pair of tights.

Poison fans (hello to all three of you!) will be thrilled to learn that Bret is doing just fine and recovering from surgery in an intensive care unit, but sadly, he seems to have permanently lost a ‘t’ from the end of his first name. It is believed that the ‘t’ died after complications.

The story gets weirder. The heart problem was found while surgeons were in Bret’s skull, looking for a brain. While in there, they found a brain and, much like the search for a heart, they found a hemorrhage which could have killed the big girly rocker.

He better hope that they don’t look for a penis (it is rumoured he lost his original one while having sex with Pamela Anderson, another woman with a penchant for men with girl’s haircuts).

In jollier news, doctors inserted a catheter into Bret’s groin, meaning that his hospital bed was occupied by two completely separate piss-sacks.

Anyway, Michaels is going to be fine (unless he dies, which will make us feel bad about this article for all of about 5 minutes) and is still planning a tour in the spring.

So there.

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Kids, eh? It’s so hard to watch them grow up. Especially when they’re Miley Cyrus. But then again it’s always hard to watch her.

Miley Cyrus is starting to assert her independence. Until now, Miley had been doing this perfectly normally, like going out with an adult underwear model and being ludicrously rich enough to financially control her entire family, but now she’s crossed the line. How? Miley Cyrus has got her nose pierced.

So now Miley Cyrus is a punk. We’re excited to hear her raw, uncompromising new direction on forthcoming single Let’s Have A Punky Pyjama Party (Lalalalala).

Deep down, Miley Cyrus has always been a rebel. All the signs were there – the romance with the unsuitably older man, the tendency to strip off for photos at any given opportunity, the fearless mockery of arbitrarily-chosen racial groups, that song of hers that had rock guitars in it because a computer had analysed data from several focus groups in Miley’s key demographic and revealed that rock guitars would track well for her in a number of important new markets.

See? Miley Cyrus is bold. Miley Cyrus is single-minded. Miley Cyrus will not sell out – unless of course your definition of selling out involves giving away both your physical likeness and entire childhood to one of the world’s biggest entertainment companies and doing everything it orders you to do in exchange for cash, in which case there might be an argument that Miley Cyrus has sold out a little bit.

But in case you wanted some more proof, Miley Cyrus has just had her nose pierced. And it affected her dad Billy Ray Cyrus so strongly that he’s actually written a song about it, as he told Larry King:

“She said, ‘Daddy would you take me to get my nose pierced?’ I said, ‘Did you ask your mamma?’ and she said, ‘Mamma said I can do it if you would take me.’ We went to a little place in Studio City. I felt kind of nervous… You probably heard the song I wrote, Ready, Set, Don’t Go. It’s about that moment in a daddy’s life that you realise your little girl has grown up. It’s time for her to make her own decisions.”

Now you come to mention it, Billy Ray Cyrus, we think we have heard that song. Correct us if we’re wrong, but we believe it’s on the same album as the songs Don’t Forget Your Old Daddy, What Are We Going To Do For Money Once You Move Out and I Swear If You Stop Making Hannah Montana Now I’ll Be Completely Bloody Destitute (Is That What You Want?).

But anyway, it’s natural for a young girl like Miley Cyrus to want to branch out and make her own decisions. Mark our words, there’ll be a tattoo next. Unless some Disney-sanctioned focus groups decide that tattoos don’t send an appropriately aspirational message to her core markets, that is, in which case we’re probably wrong.

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We don’t know how the Hannah Montana movie ended. We didn’t see the Hannah Montana movie. We hit puberty several years ago.

We assumed that we knew how the Hannah Montana movie would end, though – with Miley Cyrus getting hit in the face with an asteroid then bitten in half by a dinosaur, who then barfs her back up into Billy Ray Cyrus‘s crying face. Because movies like that need an feelgood climax, don’t they?

But apparently that’s not how the Hannah Montana movie ended, because Miley Cyrus is making another season. And no mention of regurgitated dino-puke, either. Disappointing.

Thanks to her phenomenal successes in the worlds of TV, film, music, videogames and breathtakingly cynical merchandise, Miley Cyrus never has to work again. It’d be quite nice if someone could pass on that message to her, wouldn’t it?

Because at the moment, Miley Cyrus doesn’t seem to want to stop working at all. We’re not sure why that is – maybe she realises that she’s as popular now as she’s ever going to be and wants to maximise on it while she can, or maybe her showbusiness childhood has left her equating work with attention, or maybe she realises that if she stopped working she’d have nothing better to do than stay at home pondering on how exactly identical her dad’s face is to a human vagina – but it’s true.

So true, in fact, that despite apparently trying to leave the show last year and seeming utterly hacked off about making the movie, Miley Cyrus has decided to churn out another season of Hannah Montana. Reuters reports:

Disney Channel has closed a deal for a fourth season of the blockbuster series starring Miley Cyrus. There had been questions about whether Cyrus would return to the series that made her a global star… As part of the deal, Cyrus will get a long hiatus to work on the feature “The Last Song.”

We’re just guessing here, but we’d imagine that this will be the last season of Hannah Montana ever. And rightly so – it’s wise for Miley Cyrus to bow out of the tween market before she, say, embarrasses herself with a set of risque photos. Oh, wait, she’s already done that. Well, OK, before she hooks up with a much-older boyfriend who poses in his pants for a living. Oh, hang on, she’s done that too.

Before Miley Cyrus’s voice gets so deep and hoarse that when most viewers tune into an episode of Hannah Montana they assume they’re watching a foreign version that’s been dubbed using nothing but professional Tibetan throat singers and broken lawn strimmers? Before everyone gets completely sick of seeing her face everywhere? What? Miley Cyrus has already done both of those things too?

You’re not exactly making this easy for us here, Miley. Buck up.

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When Jamie Foxx said that he wanted Miley Cyrus to catch Chlamydia from a bike, he messed with the wrong dude.

Or the right dude. He messed with Billy Ray Cyrus. And now Billy Ray Cyrus wants blood. “It was hurtful,” he said, before adding “If anyone is going to turn Miley Cyrus into a disease-ridden drug addict it’ll be me and my relentless desire to piggyback vicariously on her wealth and fame regardless of the cost. Not Jamie Foxx. ME!”

Just to clear that up, Billy Ray Cyrus didn’t actually say that last bit. He probably thought it, though.

In many ways, Billy Ray Cyrus is just a normal dad who wants the best for his kids. True, when we say ‘normal’ we mean ‘in the clutches of such a startling mid-life crisis that he appears to have strapped a vagina onto his chin’ and when we say ‘wants the best for his kids’ we mean ‘wants to push his kids into the brutal world of showbusiness so that he can live in a quite big house’, but you get the jist.

So when a man – no, worse than a man, an actor from the movie Stealth – uses his radio show to spew out a torrent of inappropriate hatred about his teenage daughter, then Billy Ray Cyrus has no choice but to stop thinking rationally.

And that’s what happened after Jamie Foxx started to rant about Miley Cyrus on his radio show this weekend, suggesting that Miley Cyrus should take heroin and crack and become a lesbian and make a sex tape. Although Jamie Foxx made a grovelling apology to Miley Cyrus on TV a few days ago, it was too late. Billy Ray Cyrus’ blood surged. He saw nothing but red. Generations of boiling testosterone welled up inside him until he was forced to take the most furious course of action available to him.

That’s right – Billy Ray Cyrus went on a daytime television programme to describe how badly Jamie Foxx had hurt his feelings. Yesterday Billy Ray Cyrus told Bonnie Hunt:

“It was hurtful. There wasn’t nothing funny about it. And, quite frankly, I think if I said those things about his daughter, he might not find it so comedic.”

Oh Billy Ray Cyrus, don’t stop there. We know you’re dying to do it – say something about Jamie Foxx’s daughter. And remember, it has to be worse than wishing she’d become a lesbian heroin addict, or it doesn’t count. Go on, include a couple of sailors and a horny monkey into the insult. Give her a beak. Set it in space. You can do it, Billy Ray Cyrus! We believe in you!

Actually, we’re being highly inconsiderate here. What father wouldn’t fight back against a slur about his daughter? Also, remember that he’s essentially doing us all a favour – the more Billy Ray Cyrus speaks out about Jamie Foxx, the less Miley Cyrus has to. And, quite frankly, every second that we don’t have to look at Miley Cyrus’ face or hear her stupid voice is a second that we don’t want to hurl ourselves off the nearest bridge.

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Just about the whole world went to the great big hideously expensive Miley Cyrus Disneyland 16th birthday party – with one notable exception.

And, of course, that was Justin Gaston – the 20-year-old undercracker model who might very well be Miley Cyrus’ special and conspicuously older boyfriend. It’s not really a surprise that Justin Gaston didn’t go to Miley Cyrus’ birthday party – he’s too old for Disneyland and was probably doing something cool like riding a motorbike or drinking cider at a bus stop or something.

But Miley Cyrus’ dad Billy Ray Cyrus doesn’t mind. He’s heaped praise on Gaston despite his no-show. And so would you too, if you knew that pretending to enjoy the fact that your little girl is probably in some kind of relationship with a full-grown man was the only thing stopping said little girl from financially abandoning you the second she turns 18.

The big Miley Cyrus 16th birthday party in Disneyland on Sunday had just about everything you could wish for. Fireworks, thrill rides, celebrities, a short set by Miley Cyrus herself, the profoundly depressing realisation that you could work 24 hours a day for the rest of your life and still not earn what Miley Cyrus does in a month and – in Billy Ray Cyrus’ performance of Achy Breaky Heart – a couple of minutes to sneak off to the toilet.

But Miley’s party did lack one thing, and that was romance. We’re going to put that down to the absense of Justin Gaston – the fully-grown underwear model who Miley Cyrus seems to have developed some sort of romantic attachment to.

Now, we know what you’re thinking. The reason that Justin Gaston didn’t go to Miley Cyrus’ birthday party is because, prior to the party, Billy Ray Cyrus took him to one side and threatened to smoosh his skull into goo with half a brick if he even so much as thought about touching his special little daughter, but that’s not the case at all.

Actually it turn out that Billy Ray Cyrus is quite the fan of Justin Gaston. We already knew that he introduced Justin to Miley Cyrus, but he’s followed that up with even more effusive praise. Fox News reports:

“He is a great guy, a really talented guy,” Billy Ray said of Gaston, adding that he is great company for his daughter.

That’s not very comprehensive, Billy Ray Cyrus. Do you think you could back that up with another statement? Perhaps one that’s completely out of touch, has nothing to do with Justin Gaston and seems to bewilderingly paint yourself as some kind of world-healing Jesus figure?

“It’s our family going full circle. Being here with these fans is an appropriate way to celebrate. It’s the fans that our show is all about. It’s what our music is all about. Touching people’s lives worldwide and these are the people right here.”

OK, that’s better. Thanks.

Anyway, it’s not hard to see why Billy Ray Cyrus and Justin Gaston get along so well. They both love country music, for example, and they’re both Southern-born, God-fearin’, rootin’-tootin’, tobacco-chewin’ rednecks cowboys. Plus they’re roughly the same age, obviously.

And, what’s more, it must really take the heat off dealing with your girlfriend’s new boyfriend to know that no matter what filthy, depraved stuff he gets up to, he’ll never quite be as creepy around her as you are.

The day most men are introduced to their 15-year-old daughter’s 20-year-old underwear model boyfriend is usually they day they go bald and/or start sniffing glue.

But not if you’re Billy Ray Cyrus. If you’re Billy Ray Cyrus then your 15-year-old daughter will never introduce you to her 20-year-old underwear model boyfriend. That’s because if you’re Billy Ray Cyrus, your 15-year-old daughter is Miley Cyrus and it’s you who’ll introduce her to the aforementioned 20-year-old underwear model.

That’s right – it turns out that Billy Ray Cyrus is responsible for hooking Miley Cyrus up with her new, much older, mostly naked boyfriend Justin Gaston. Normally we’d suggest that Miley Cyrus’ ex-boyfriend would be feeling pretty inadequate because of this, but given our suspicion that Miley Cyrus’ ex-boyfriend was actually Billy Ray Cyrus anyway, we’ll probably just leave it.

We’re going to let you into a little secret. We always thought that Billy Ray Cyrus was a little bit stupid. Maybe it was his awful haircut, or maybe the way he consistently mispronounced the word ‘lips’ as ‘layps’ when singing Achy Breaky Heart, or maybe even our possibly imagined fondness of his for wearing leather waistcoats with nothing underneath. We just don’t know.

But we were wrong. Billy Ray Cyrus isn’t stupid at all. Billy Ray Cyrus is a red-hot progressive. You can tell that just by the way he’s raised Miley Cyrus.

For instance, when Miley Cyrus split up with whichever one of The Jonas Brothers she was with, Billy Ray Cyrus yelled “Don’t worry honey, he was just a boy. I’ll find you a MAN!” and ran off to try and find a nice-looking 20-year-old stud with morals loose enough to allow him to take payment from standing around in his knickers all day to ease his little girl’s broken heart.

And that’s how Justin Gaston came to be. You see, when we reported yesterday that Miley Cyrus had a much older boyfriend, we assumed that Billy Ray Cyrus would be furious. But he’s not, because he was the one who set the pair of them up. OK! reports:

Allen Osborne, says Billy Ray thinks very highly of Justin. “He doesn’t drink. He doesn’t smoke. He’s a very up-and-up guy.” {A source said] “Miley and Justin were really playful with each other. And for being with her parents, they were extremely touchy-feely. Miley had her hands on Justin’s stomach. They definitely seemed like a couple. Her parents really gave them space.”

You see, Billy Ray Cyrus has nothing to worry about. Just because Justin Gaston is legally an adult whose girlfriend is legally a child, he doesn’t drink or smoke so nothing funny’s going to happen. And it’s not as if Miley Cyrus knows anything about sex anyway, is it? She hardly goes around bragging of her love of Sex And The City while posing in a series of risque photos on the internet, is it? Oh…

Also, we’re sure that Billy Ray Cyrus’ acceptance of Justin Gaston has absolutely nothing to do with Miley Cyrus being the primary breadwinner in the Cyrus household and having enough money to have her dad kidnapped and beaten if he ever voices an opinion on her love life. Nothing at all.

We've all seen those seatbelt adverts where a car crashes and the seatbeltless passenger gets turned into a mound of whimpering goo – but imagine if that mound of goo was Miley Cyrus.

You'd be distraught, wouldn't you. Miley would have left this world leaving us with only two albums, a slightly annoying TV show and a 3D movie of a concert to remember her by. And that could have been the case after a scene from the Miley Cyrus movie clearly showed Miley Cyrus and her dad Billy Ray Cyrus riding around in a car without a seatbelt on.

But now Billy Ray Cyrus has publicly apologised for their lack of caution. That's not enough, though – we'll only rest when Billy Ray Cyrus wears a seatbelt all the time, even when he's walking around his house or going to the toilet. And if the belt could be wound around his mouth or neck, then that's even better.

Miley Cyrus is undoubtedly an influential person. Thanks to her show Hannah Montana, her pop albums and her latest box office-topping 3D movie, there's a vast army of tweens who hang on Miley's every word. If Miley Cyrus started wearing yellow shoes, her fans would all start wearing yellow shoes. If Miley Cyrus started swanning around in top hats and talking in an unconvincing Swiss accent, then her fans would do the same. Point is, Miley Cyrus is a massive role model.

And that means when Miley Cyrus is filmed not wearing a seatbelt, millions of young girls around the world will immediately think it's cool to unbuckle their seatbelts and pray for their parents swerve off the road and plough into a tree at 100mph. That's not an exaggeration – millions of young girls will literally do exactly that.

The outrage caused by the scene in the movie Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best Of Both Worlds Concert Tour showing Miley Cyrus and Billy Ray Cyrus not wearing seatbelts has been so overwhelming that you'd think it showed the pair of them smoking crack through a hollowed-out endangered salamander, humping nuns and discussing how brilliant suicide terrorists are – but nevertheless it threatens to ruin everything that Miley Cyrus has achieved so far in her career.

To counter this, Billy Ray Cyrus himself has decided to apologise to the entire world through People magazine:

"We got caught up in the moment of filming, and we made a mistake and forgot to buckle our seatbelts," Billy Ray Cyrus tells PEOPLE about a gaffe in the hit 3-D movie Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour – one that's caused a head-on collision with controversy. "Seatbelt safety is extremely important," he adds.

In addition, Miley Cyrus is thought to be planning a seatbelt-awareness pop album to further make amends, entitled Seatbelts Like Totally Rule. The first single from that album – Oops! I Almost Got Mangled To Death – will be released shortly.

No, not really – and the fact that it was Billy Ray Cyrus and not Miley Cyrus who spoke out about the controversy speaks volumes about how much she regrets the mistake. Then again, if Billy Ray Cyrus was our dad, we'd probably encourage the likelihood of death as well.

Read more:

Billy Ray Apologizes for Not Buckling Up – People 

Hannah Montana, or Miley Cyrus as she's known in real life, isn't actually called Miley Cyrus – she was born with the name Destiny Hope Cyrus. But Miley Cyrus isn't called that now, either.

Sorry, that was confusing. Look – Miley Cyrus, who plays Hannah Montana in the TV show Hanna Montana, has just changed her name from Destiny Hope Cyrus to Miley Ray Cyrus because her Dad is Billy Ray Cyrus and everyone called her Miley Cyrus anyway and she liked the 'Ray' part of her Dad's name.

There, that's cleared all the confusion up.

If you've got children, chances are you know who Miley Cyrus is because your children do nothing but watch her TV show over and over again and again and again like gawping attention span-deficient monkeys. And even if you don't know who Miley Cyrus is, you should probably learn, because she's the sort of ultra-focused, all-singing all-dancing teenage sensation who'll either take over the planet or end up driving her car the wrong way up a motorway on drugs. Either way, you'd do well to remember her name.

Actually, no, don't remember Miley Cyrus' name. Because she's not called Miley Cyrus any more – she's just officially changed her name to Miley Ray Cyrus.

Why? Well, it might be because Miley Ray Cyrus' dad is rootin' tootin' early 90s rat-haired achy breaky cowboy Billy Ray Cyrus and she wants to do everything she can to remind people of that, presumably because she enjoys being pelted with bits of old fruit. Star reports:

Hannah Montana star Miley Cyrus has legally changed her name to Miley Ray Cyrus. Her birth name was Destiny Hope Cyrus. She changed her moniker to reflect her nickname and honor her father, Billy Ray Cyrus. 

Destiny Hope Cyrus? Wow, no wonder Miley decided to change her name – was she originally named after a shop that sells dreamcatchers? And now that Miley Cyrus has changed her name, it can only be a matter of time before all her brothers and sisters – like Accomplishment Optimism Cyrus, Self-Esteem Tenacity Cyrus, Glorious Eaglevision Cyrus and Braison Chance Cyrus – do the same. Braison Chance is real, by the way. We know.

The confusion isn't over just yet, though - Miley Ray Cyrus' body double still has to work out what her name is – but once that's over, Miley will be able to start her life afresh. After all, if the knowledge that she's not explicitly sexually active won't stop the creepy middle-aged perverts from hitting on her, then perhaps the subtle reminder that she might grow up to look like Billy Ray Cyrus will.

Read more:

Miley's Name Change – Star