billy ray - HecklerSpray

Miley Cyrus Likes The Gays Way More Than You

August 1st, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Do you like gay people? Perhaps you’re a gay person yourself? Doesn’t matter one jot. That’s because Miley Cyrus likes gay people more than anyone else, ever. How do we know this? Because she’s got a tattoo.

As well you know, young people get tattoos about the things they feel strongly passionate about… the things they will stand-by for life… and boy, Miley means it, maaaaaan.

See, she’s decided to get a tattoo that shows that she supports gay marriage. What have you done? Nothing we bet. Unless you happen to be gay and have got married. Even then, marriages don’t often last as long as tattoos, so even you lose.

Miley Cyrus Is Back On Twitter! Praise The Lord Everybody!

April 5th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

In about fifteen years, we?ll all look back, scratch our heads and wonder why we spent so much of our lives on Twitter. As times change, everything gets replaced with a slicker, faster and generally better version.

Originally we had MySpace where we could create epileptic backgrounds, but once people got sick of being spammed by rubbish bands, everybody jumped over to Facebook. You know, that one Justin Timberlake made a film about or something.

Twitter is nothing more than a condensed version of Facebook, minus the dodgy games that are created by hackers to steal your bank information. Nearly everybody is on Twitter, from your local butcher telling you what's been freshly slaughtered, or some sleb plugging something they’re involved with. One person who's been off Twitter is loveable Disney breakaway brat Miley Cyrus but we can all happily rejoice knowing that Miley is back on Twitter! This is bigger news than the Royal Wedding.

Miley Cyrus Gets Blown Up And Bought By Dirty Men

April 4th, 2011 By Joanna Bolouri

The world is a confusing place isn’t it? ?So many puzzling questions left unanswered, that even the hecklerspray writers are unable to sleep at night.

When we should be having midnight feasts and pillow fights, we’re pacing the sticky floors of our bedsit, desperately looking for answers to questions like: ‘Why does anyone under the age of dead listen to Ronan Keating?’ or ‘What possessed Brian Harvey to eat THREE baked potatoes before driving over himself?’.

However, there is one thing we can categorically say we’re not in the slightest bit uncertain about. WE ARE REALLY GLAD WE’RE NOT MILEY CYRUS.

Miley Cyrus Hates Justin Bieber And Rebecca Black For Having It Easy

March 31st, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

Just the other day, we were putting together a list of the most individual singers and musicians who are currently involved in the music scene. How about The Rolling Stones? Nah, they're just walking corpses. Lady Gaga? Pft, she spends too much time ripping off Madonna and designing stinging nettle dresses.

You know who topped our list? The totally awesome Miley Cyrus!

We've got all her albums, singles and even have her autograph inked on our bum cheeks. She's so influential, that we're smoking a bong of salvia right now! But not everything the life of Miley Cyrus is sweet and rosy. The world class singer has issues with fame grabbing singers such as Justin Bieber and Rebecca Black who posted clips on YouTube to gain fame. They definitely didn't work as hard as Miley who had the benefit of having a father with a world renowned terrible single and getting her own TV show courtesy of Uncle Walt Disney.

Billy Ray Cyrus Seconds Away From Standing On Building In Batman Outfit

March 23rd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

There’s nothing quite as depressing as seeing a divorced father in action and Billy Ray Cyrus is doing a grand job of being a constant source of maudlin fun. He’s a walking microwave meal for one. The poor sod.

Of course, he’s limping around, hauling his lonely posterior to anyone who’ll listen because it is better than talking to the four walls of his very empty house.

With this desperate plea for affection, Billy Ray has been giving interviews and talking about his personal life in such detail that it seems like we’re mere seconds away from him showing us the poo he did this morning, before he puts it back into his pocket and has a little cry.

Billy Ray Cyrus Doesn’t Care What His Estranged Wife Thinks

March 18th, 2011 By Michael Park

Country and Western megastar (and Miley Cyrus’ dad) Billy Ray Cyrus has decided to call off his divorce with wife Tish (yeah, Tish) despite not bothering to tell her. The well known peddler of country (without the ‘o’) decided to take his feelings to ‘The View’, the simpering nicey-nicey US version of Loose Women in order to improve his public image after falling out of the public eye for not being very close to his daughter.

His daughter is Miley Cyrus. She’s famous.

The singer’s love of his family apparently prompted him to go onto a TV show and talk to some women about his family in a move which was definitely not choreographed by his publicist and agent in order to make him look slightly less insane.

Miley Cyrus Is Going To Have Her Credibility Ruined By Dating One Of Kings Of Leon

March 8th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Miley Cyrus is in grave danger of losing any credibility she had in the world by associating herself with stadium rock ponces, Kings of Leon. That’s right. The Hannah Montana starlet has been flirting it up with the one called Jared Followill.

Cyrus has had a tough couple of months, watching her parents split up and resultantly, seen her mum fawning over Bret Michaels who is as manly as a tit in a vagina shaped pink bra made out of tampons and lattes.

And so, Miley went slightly off the rails (read: had fun with her mates) by getting a dream catcher tattoo (most teenage girls are content to simply hang the real thing in their bedrooms before realising that they’re helplessly hokey), indulging in some mild lesbianism and smoking a bong filled with salvia. However, getting a Kings of Leon member in her life is going to leave her looking like the most uncool human on Earth (Kings of Leon aside, natch).

Billy Ray Cyrus Is Worried About Miley Cyrus (Also, Horse Missing After Someone Forgot To Close Stable Door)

February 15th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Miley Cyrus has been having a good time. Not a ‘Charlie Sheen’ good time, but a good time all the same. She’s covered in tattoos, doing bongs and probably drinking enough to be drunk once or twice a week. With that behaviour, she’s firmly in the ‘average hecklerspray readership’ bracket. Provided she has a bath more than once a year that is.

And of course, because our Miley is a teen idol, everyone is legally obliged to worry about her like her caboose got loose.

Now, long after everyone else noticed, sleepy old Billy Ray Cyrus, Miley’s father, is all concerned. Morning Billy. How’s the mullet?

Miley Cyrus Says Sorry For Bong, But Probably Likes The Feeling Of Being High

February 10th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Miley Cyrus, first and foremost, owns the most frightening gums in the sphere of celebrity. She’s also a singer and an actress of sorts. Her musical career is shaped by choruses catchier than mumps and her acting career is defined solely by mugging to camera so much than you want to stick a tyre ’round her neck.

Of course, away from the professional spotlight where you can retake scenes and cuts, Miley has found herself scrutinised while she, effectively, leads the life of a pretty typical teenager.

However, because she worked for Disney, that means we can all laugh about her, not because she’s going off the rails, but rather, we can think of the continual look of horror and disgust on her wholesome-peddling bosses faces. The dicks.

Miley Cyrus Gets Another Tattoo And We Hope It Says ACAB Across Her Knuckles

February 4th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Miley Cyrus has got herself a new tattoo. That’s the kind of news your worthless lives needed to hear when you woke up this morning. Miley’s tattoos give your otherwise pointless day some meaning, right?

And what tattoo has she got? Well, one source close to the singer says she’s got a spider’s web on her scalp, while another pal says she’s got ‘All Cops Are Bastards’ across her left knuckle. Another source, meanwhile, claims that Cyrus has got a design of a rat, surfing on a bin lid across a sea made of dolphin guts.

However, there’s another source coming forward who is probably the one to listen to and when you hear her words, you may well want to cane a bong, Miley-style, to stop yourself from wanting to end your own life.