Billy Joel - HecklerSpray

Uptown Girl, Christie Brinkley, Ignoring Giganto Tax Bill

December 7th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Model and subject of Billy Joel’s ‘Uptown Girl’, Christie Brinkley, has been handed a really quite special tax bill by the US government. How special? Over half a million dollars special. She must’ve missed the 90,000 letters they sent to her house reminding her, eh?

The exact figure, if you’re the kind of person who just loves an exact figure, is an impressive $531,720.

Looks like she’s going to have to do some work to pay that off. Basically, that means we can expect to see her in some awful reality TV show.

Billy Joel’s Daughter ‘Overdoses On Cat Medicine’

December 7th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

This weekend, Billy Joel’s daughter Alexa Ray was rushed to hospital after taking eight pills in an apparent suicide attempt.

That’s the bad news. The good news is that she’s going to be fine – Alexa Ray Joel was released from hospital last night and is now being taken of by her family. The weird news, though, comes in the claim that Alexa Ray Joel had actually taken Traumeel, a homoeopathic anti-inflammatory medication that’s used as much on cats and dogs as it is on humans.

But at least it’s been confirmed that Alexa Ray is going to be fine. What’s more, it’s expected that she’ll have a nice glossy coat and waggy tail after all this as well. Too far? too far.

Billy Joel Splits Up With His Alarmingly Young Wife

July 2nd, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Yep, 60-year-old Billy Joel has split up with his 27-year-old wife. And that’s probably it. No excitement here.

Don’t expect anything as exciting as the Christie Brinkley/ Peter Cook divorce from these two. That’s partly because the thought of Billy Joel masturbating to $3,000 of porn a month is so grotty that it makes us want to punch ourselves unconscious, and partly because it’s unlikely that Billy Joel would run off with a teenager because the current 33-year age-gap between him and his estranged wife is already disturbing enough as it is, thank you very much.

Cuh. Billy Joel is boring.

Christie Brinkley Eats Billy Joel’s Ribs Or Something

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Life can get pretty tiring when you're mercilessly exposing your estranged husband's wildly expensive internet pornography habit in public – just ask Christie Brinkley.

But how does Christie Brinkley like to relax in the few moments where she's not systematically kicking the father of her child in the balls again and again until his reputation is shattered forever? Simple – by hanging out with Billy Joel.

Christie Brinkley spent her Independence Day at a barbecue with ex-husband Billy Joel. While those close to Brinkley are busy pointing out that there's nothing romantic going on, Billy Joel must surely know that Christie Brinkley's heightened vulnerability means that she'll leap into his arms again as soon as he plays her the new song he's written about her, the doo-wop influenced My Monthly Internet Pornography Bill Is Marginally Smaller Than His.