Lindsay Lohan’s tether has finally snapped and – thank almighty Christ – this time we aren’t talking about the tether which battles in vain each day to keep her knickers together.

This is largely because hecklerspray, essentially, is a ‘news’ source; something which reports events that have at least a hint of ‘new’ about them; if we were talking about that particular tether ‘finally’ snapping you could get us on the Trades Description Act.

Nope, this time the tether of Lindsay’s to which we refer is the one which has hitherto held the explosive rage she feels toward her father far back in the constraints of her mind.

For she is proper fed up with him chatting shit about her to the press, and has told The Billy Bush Show all about it. Lindsay said:

“I wish my dad would stop talking about me in public. It is so obvious he’s just jealous, you know? He sees my tits and thinks ‘I wish I had them for myself’ – I’m like pretty sure Freud alludes to it in his writings on the Oedipus complex.”

No, of course she didn’t, what she actually said was this:

“You know what I have to say about my father is that I just wish that he wouldn’t go and talk to the media as a parent. It is not attractive to me. It really upsets me, and I wish he would stop.”

It is interesting that, in an effort to stop her dad talking to the media about her, she warns him off by saying she doesn’t find it ‘attractive’.

Would, and indeed should, a father be deterred by that fact? Surely, ‘how much is my daughter attracted to me’ is something a dad doesn’t care about?

Lindsay knows her dad better than we do (we imagine), so why would she use that as a weapon against him?

Bow-chicha-wow-wow.

Lindsay Lohan then said:

“There is no reason that anybody should be talking about any personal things that go on in their lives – (err, hello?) - I think people make things up enough and to bring attention to something that is not really going on is unnecessary. It disappoints me, but I have learned to kind of let things roll off my back. I have learned, you know, put a shield up and protect myself as many ways as I can because things get said everyday.”

And she’s absolutely right about that – things do seem to get said everyday. For example, recently her mum declared that we will not get to see Lindsay’s fanny in her upcoming film, which is fine, more than fine in fact.

But would you ever be thankful that your mum had declared such a thing to the press for you? Fair play to Lindsay though, she put up her shield admirably – that time at least.

Now though the shield lays shattered on the floor, among the few remaining shards of her dignity. But that’s never held her back before, and it isn’t about to now either, as we see from the following quotes, in which she discusses her future prospects in the business we so aptly call ‘show’.

Regarding her role in Manson Girls – an upcoming film about Charlie Manson and how he used to murder pregnant women and stuff – she says:

“It is very interesting; my only concern is that it is a little bit dark.”

If that’s your only concern, Lindsay, then maybe that shouldn’t be your only concern – you know what we’re saying? Surely the concern ‘how am I such an idiot?’ is far more pressing? She then went on about her new album of music:

“I am waiting on some people. I am hoping to get some great producers on it as well as the ones that I have, but I really want Timbaland and Akon. I have gone through so much and I think publicly people have seen that and I don’t find that fascinating any more.”

What is she talking about? Don’t talk your life down Lindsay. Of course it’s still fascinating!

Why else would we be writing this very article? There is literally nothing more fascinating happening in the world right now, because if there was, you can rest assured that hecklerspray would be covering it.

What’s that? Darfur what? Huh?

Read More – Lindsay Lohan On Her Dad’s Media Moments: ‘I Wish He Would Stop’ – Access Hollywood

Lindsay Lohan’s mum, Dina Lohan, has dismissed reports that her daughter will be getting her fanny out for upcoming independent film Florence.

The news has no doubt brought a tear to the eye of a million lonely lads who, if Dina is to be believed, will have to make do with what Lindsay has put out for their consumption already – as if that wasn’t enough.

But who cares about those wankers? Spare a thought for the producers of the film: you jerk-offs have only lost out on another chance to be titillated – the producers have lost the entire plot to their film!

According to Access Hollywood, their reporter Billy Brush received an e-mail from Dina Lohan simply saying:

“No, she is not.”

So, that may all but end the chuff-shot speculation, but try and take a positive spin on things here, guys. For example, she hasn’t yet confirmed or denied that Lindsay is actually going to star in this film, just as she hasn’t confirmed or denied that Lindsay’s breasts may make an appearance, meaning it is still possible that you’ll get to see her boobies on a giant cinema screen!

It’s about as common a sight these days as the back of your hand, but still, boobs is boobs, and Lindsay’s bare mammaries are a sight that even Mumma Lohan is a fan of. Though not so much her Dad, of course, the poor bastard. Let us have a minute’s silence for that broken man.

There. We hope he felt that. Michael, you’re forever in hecklerspray’s thoughts.

Read More – Mom Dismisses Lohan Film Nudity Reports – NBC