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billy brush

Lindsay Lohan: ‘Daddy, Please Shut The Hell Up’

by Paul Sorrenti on April 19, 2008 0 Comments

Lindsay Lohan’s tether has finally snapped and – thank almighty Christ – this time we aren’t talking about the tether which battles in vain each day to keep her knickers together.

This is largely because hecklerspray, essentially, is a ‘news’ source; something which reports events that have at least a hint of ‘new’ about them; if we were talking about that particular tether ‘finally’ snapping you could get us on the Trades Description Act.

Nope, this time the tether of Lindsay’s to which we refer is the one which has hitherto held the explosive rage she feels toward her father far back in the constraints of her mind.

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Lindsay Lohan’s tether has finally snapped and - thank almighty Christ - this time we aren’t talking about the tether which futilely battles each day to keep her knickers together. This is largely because hecklerspray, essentially, is a ‘news’ source; something which reports events that have at least a hint of ‘new’ about them; if we were talking about that particular tether ‘finally’ snapping you could get us on the Trades Description Act. Nope, this time the tether of Lindsay’s to which we refer is the one which has hitherto held the explosive rage she feels toward her father far back in the constraints of her mind, for she is proper fed up with him chatting shit about her to the press, and has told The Billy Bush Show all about it. Lindsay said: I wish my dad would stop talking about me in public. It is so obvious he’s just jealous, you know? He sees my tits and thinks ‘I wish I had them for myself’ - I’m like pretty sure Freud alludes to it in his writings on the Oedipus complex. No, of course she didn’t, what she actually said was this:

Lindsay Lohan’s Mum: ‘You Will Not See My Daughter’s Vagina!’

by Paul Sorrenti on April 12, 2008 0 Comments

Lindsay Lohan’s mum, Dina Lohan, has dismissed reports that her daughter will be getting her fanny out for upcoming independent film Florence.

The news has no doubt brought a tear to the eye of a million lonely lads who, if Dina is to be believed, will have to make do with what Lindsay has put out for their consumption already – as if that wasn’t enough.

But who cares about those wankers? Spare a thought for the producers of the film: you jerk-offs have only lost out on another chance to be titillated – the producers have lost the entire plot to their film!

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