billy bob thornton - HecklerSpray

Melissa Etheridge is Not Here for Angelina Jolie

October 5th, 2016 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

For those not in the Hollywood know like I am, iconic 90’s lesbian Melissa Etheridge and iconic 90’s hunk Brad Pitt have been besties for over 20 years. She’s put all his top hoes in her music videos over the years: Juliette Lewis, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Jennifer Aniston. Well, all but one top hoe…

For a while I thought maybe Melissa just never put Angelina in one of her videos because a) she wasn’t really releasing many videos since Angie and Brad got together, or b) maybe her and Brad weren’t that close anymore. Turns out Melissa just hates the bitch!

10 Horrible Celebrity Marriages That Shouldn’t Have Happened

January 12th, 2014 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

In the last two weeks, Kaley Cuoco married a guy that she dated for about an hour and Hilary Duff split up with her weird looking husband after three years of marriage. What do these things have in common? Well, technically, nothing other than the fact that both Kaley and Hilary are blond starlets that married athletes, but I have no desire in writing about female stars who get wetties for athletes.

Nope, what they have in common that I’m interested in is the fact that both Hilary and Kaley’s marriages were ones that probably should’ve waited. Hilary was only 23 when she got married, which is super young by today’s standards, and I’ve had heartburn longer than Kaley knew her husband. People in Hollywood have a lot of money, which means they often blow it on stupid shit like getting married without thinking about it. Sometimes they get married too young and sometimes they get married too quickly after being with someone. And we all know how that ends up going for them.

Top 10 Hilarious Celebrity Sexaholics

September 20th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

Now let’s be clear. Addiction is nothing to laugh at. Unless it’s sex addiction, because that’s sort of hilarious.

Oh come on, it is. Look at Tiger Woods. If he was addicted to heroin? Tragic. Drugs? Awful. Gambling? Upsetting. But he’s not. Tiger Woods is addicted to sex. He’s even gone to rehab for it. What sex rehab involves is anyone’s guess – we’d assume it’s a mixture of STD textbooks and pole dances from Lisa Riley from You’ve Been Framed – but sexaholism definitely is a real illness that exists. It is. You get it when you’re addicted to sexahol.

Don’t believe us? Fine – here are 10 horny-arsed celebrities who’d be only too happy to change your mind. Or hump your leg. One or the other…

Will Ferrell Earns Much More Money Than He Should: Official

November 19th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

This is just a hunch, but we’re expecting Will Ferrell to be named as People‘s sexiest man alive next year.

Because, seriously, that man is loaded. He gets paid so much money. Too much money, in fact. And he doesn’t deserve a bloody penny of it. That’s according to Forbes, at least – Will Ferrell has come out on top of a list 0f Hollywood’s most overpaid stars. The list claims that Will Ferrell only earns his investors a return of $3.29 for every dollar he’s paid.

Why such a poor figure? Well, it’s partly because Land Of The Lost flopped, partly because comedy is notoriously difficult to sell around the world and partly because Will Ferrell has cold dead eyes and a rapist’s haircut. Possibly.

Billy Bob Thornton: Master Of Passive Aggression And/Or Total Dick

April 13th, 2009 By Stuart Waterman

How many Billy Bob Thornton films can you name, off the top of your head? You might reel off Sling Blade, Bad Santa, Armageddon, Pushing Tin, Monster’s Ball, A Simple Plan.

Now, how many Billy Bob Thornton albums can you name, whether as a solo artist or as a member of his country-pop band The Boxmasters?

Not so easy, right? Nevertheless, as his breathtakingly petulant recent performance on Canada’s CBC Radio One illustrates, when Billy Bob Thornton is promoting his little-heard of band he’d rather you pretend you’ve never seen any of his blockbuster movies. Even the Oscar-nominated ones where he bangs Halle Berry or plays a mumbling, mentally-deficient, murdering mentalist.

The Art of Punching Above Your Weight, Starring Billy-Bob Thornton

March 24th, 2009 By Ian Dransfield

The king of punching above his weight has attempted to strike another blow for weird-looking men everywhere.

Yes, Billy-Bob Thornton has made claims that Angelina Jolie may come crawling back to him at some point, once she’s done with her relationship with that Brad Pitt character. We’re not sure when that will be, mind, as she has just about to have some of those child things, with Pitt serving up half of the chromosomes in the deal.

But hey – he’s already had a crack at her, so why shouldn’t ol’ Billy-Bob be confident?