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Big Brother

Big Brother Betting Odds: Dear God, Who Are These Awful Gits?

by Stuart Heritage

Well, that’s it. That’s summer done. Big Brother 9 started last night, which means we’ve got three months of idiots screaming about nothing to put up with.

And, lord, are there ever a lot of Big Brother housemates this year – 16 on opening night alone. This year Big Brother has gone for a Zero Tolerance theme, so there are prisons and different standards of bedrooms and people have to pay to use hair straighteners and whatnot. But that can unfold in the days to come. What about this year’s batch of gibbering plebs?

Well, here are the first-night Big Brother betting odds for all six million new housemates to win, with help from Paddy Power…

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Big Brother Betting Odds: Starts Tonight! Foreign Exchange?

by Stuart Heritage

This is it – Big Brother 9 starts tonight! We’re so excited about it that we might just leave the country at the next opportunity!

There’s a brand new gang of clawing numpties desperate for a sliver of recognition on their way into the Big Brother house, and this time tomorrow you’ll be presented with betting odds for the flipping lot of them. But until then, here’s the last of our Big Brother special betting odds. There’s money to be made here, kids.

Here are the Big Brother betting odds for a Big Brother foreign exchange, with help from Paddy Power…

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Big Brother Betting Odds: Sex In The Big Brother House?

by Stuart Heritage

You can’t hide from it any longer – Big Brother starts tomorrow. Lucky us, huh? Lucky, lucky us.

Come Friday morning we’ll have a comprehensive rundown on exactly why the new Big Brother housemates all deserve to be drowned in a bucket of their own piss, but before then we’ve got a handful of Big Brother special betting odds to get through. And, although you’ll deny it, this is the one you really want to come true. Perverts.

Here are the Big Brother betting odds for sex to happen in the Big Brother house this year, with help from Paddy Power…

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Big Brother Betting Odds: More Twins?

by Stuart Heritage

The new series of Big Brother is just days away now, and it’s making us tremble in that excited way that people do when they’re stuck in the path of a speeding train and there’s no time to stop it.

Because, as far as we know, Big Brother only means one thing – Big Brother betting odds. Come Friday morning we’ll have detailed, professional, highly psychological insights into why everyone on Big Brother is a massive arsehole, but for now we’ll just get you warmed up with a few more provisional pre-show odds.

Here are the Big Brother betting odds for more identical twins to enter the Big Brother house, with help from Paddy Power…

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Big Brother Betting Odds: Jade Goody? Really?

by Stuart Heritage

It’s that time of year again! That time when we have to tell our friends that we can’t go out because we have to sit around making notes on a stupid reality TV show until it isn’t summer any more! Yay!

Or, in other words, it’s Big Brother time again! Yay! Big Brother 9 starts on Thursday night, and before the full skull-crushing horror of that sentence hits you, let’s get you warmed up with some special Big Brother betting odds about stuff that might happen this year but probably won’t. Again, yay! No, really, yay!

Here are the Big Brother betting odds for Jade Goody to return, with help from Paddy Power…

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Chanelle & Ziggy Don’t Realise That Nobody Cares Any More

by Stuart Heritage

Well, OK, that’s a misleading headline – Chanelle certainly realises that nobody cares about her any more.

On Sunday it was revealed that former Big Brother housemate Chanelle Hayes’ attempts to become a pop star had died a death, with her new single I Want It limping into the charts at 63. However, while most people have reacted to this news in the correct way – with a disinterested shrug -Chanelle’s Big Brother ex-boyfriend Ziggy Zichman has publicly called her efforts ‘laughable.’

Ziggy, of course, is an expert on the music industry because he was in Northern Line and their last single got all the way to number 27. Anyway, that’s not the point. The point is this – shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up. Shut up.

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Hooray! Another Reality Star’s Career Is Set To Implode.

by Matthew Laidlow

When summer comes thundering round, we all know what it’s set to bring – ice cream, crappy weather and another soul-sapping series of Big Brother.

In the beginning, Big Brother was a crazy experiment which for once didn’t involve cutting people open or giving them drugs which would result in the growth of an extra eye. Instead, it was set to monitor the results of living in a controlled human environment. Or as most viewers interpreted it, a chance to maybe see some people have sex. But as time has gone on, the experimental phase has vanished and contestants have used Big Brother as a platform to launch a career. None are ever successful and, brilliantly for us, we get to see them crash and burn.

It’s now the turn of Chanelle Hayes.

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Davina McCall Still Not Leaving Big Brother

by Stuart Heritage

To all intents and purposes, Davina McCall is Big Brother – she’s the friendly face who only has to shout a lot and ask breathtakingly awful exit interview questions.

So if Davina McCall ever left Big Brother, the show would obviously fall to pieces. Well, either that or Alexa Chung would instantly start presenting it and nobody would really notice the difference. One or the other.

Anyway, despite a whirlpool of rumours to the contrary, Davina McCall has publicly stated that this won’t be her last season of Big Brother. Which is good for Davina McCall, but you know what that means? It means that this won’t be the last season of Big Brother, either. In fact, it’ll probably go on forever. If you need us, we’ll be crying and drinking bleach in a corner somewhere.

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When PR Stunts Go Wrong: Chanelle’s Rubbish Sex Tape

by Matthew Laidlow

When the words ‘sex’ and ‘tape’ collide, you tend to quite quickly get people’s attention. Throw in the word ‘celebrity’ and everyone’s hooked.

And when we heard that another sex tape featuring a celebrity had surfaced, we got ready to squint at the pixelated shagfest – except one of the core ingredients that makes up a sex tape was missing.

The vital thing for a celebrity sex tape is er… a celebrity. Sadly, rejected reality show contestants who model themselves on rubbish pouty pop stars don’t count. Besides, anyone living in the UK will have already seen Chanelle from Big Brother’s tits in most copies of the Daily Star, Daily Sport or Nuts/Zoo magazine. But that hasn’t stopped Chanelle from making the least convincing sex tape in the history of the world. Yes, it’s after the jump…

When the words 'sex' and 'tape' collide, you tend to quite quickly get people's attention. Throw in the word 'celebrity' and everyone's hooked. And when we heard that another sex tape featuring a celebrity had surfaced, we got ready to squint at the pixelated shagfest - except one of the core ingredients that makes up a sex tape was missing. The vital thing for a celebrity sex tape is er... a celebrity. Sadly, rejected reality show contestants who model themselves on rubbish pouty pop stars don’t count. Besides, anyone living in the UK will have already seen Chanelle from Big Brother’s tits in most copies of the Daily Star, Daily Sport or Nuts/Zoo magazine. But that hasn't stopped Chanelle from making the least convincing sex tape in the history of the world. Yes, it's after the jump...
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Bez: Bankrupt Again

by Stuart Heritage

A word to our younger readers – you’re probably not going to get too rich being a boggle-eyed dancer for a touring nostalgia band.

That’s smart advice, but it’s a bit too late for Bez from Happy Mondays. Bez has just been declared bankrupt, you see. For the second time in four years.

This bankruptcy will be worse for Bez than the first time though – he memorably managed to claw his way out of debt last time by winning Celebrity Big Brother. But there aren’t really any reality TV shows for Bez to bail himself out with this time. True, there’s that Oliver Twist talent contest, but there’s only room for one odd-looking, boggly-eyed weirdo there, and Andrew Lloyd Webber’s got that all sewn up.

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