Poor old Angel. Just a few weeks into Big Brother and already she’s been evicted. How sad.
Whatever will Angel do with her life now? Apart, you know, from her professional boxing, professional singing, professional tattoo-artisting, fashion design, fitness coaching and all-round looking a bit like a man? We literally have no idea. That poor girl’s all at sea. We’d worry about her, but we’ll have forgotten what her name is by Wednesday so it hardly seems worth it.
Anyway, now that Angel’s gone, here’s who’s been catching our eye in the Big Brother house this week…
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On Friday, Big Brother said goodbye to Cairon. Farewell Cairon, we barely knew ye.
Which is just as well, really, because you seemed like a massive turd. But good luck with the rest of your life. And good luck with that whole ‘pretending to be American’ thing. We’re sure you’ll end up being at least partially convincing at it one day. But with Cairon gone, what else has been going on in the Big Brother house?
We’re not completely sure, but here’s what we think of Marcus, Angel, Karly and Siavash anyway…
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Wow, Big Brother‘s fascinating this year, isn’t it? Oh, don’t nod and pretend you’re watching it this year – nobody else is.
So for everyone who’s studiously avoiding the show, here’s what’s happened on Big Brother so far: Krogface (yes, we’re sticking with the Krogface thing even if nobody else is) might have had sex. The Russian one stopped eating for a little while. And, oh, what was that other thing? Oh yes, that’s it – nothing else happened at all.
This week, Big Brother will evict either Halfwit or Cairon. Who goes? Nobody cares. But let’s take a look anyway…
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Big Brother can be odd. This time last week we were peeved because there was a Sophie, a Sophia and an Saffia in the house.
But now? Now Sophia has been evicted for being the world’s most awful munchkin, Saffia has walked – presumably to hunt for her long-lost personality – and Sophie’s been renamed Dogface. It almost makes us wish that all the other Big Brother housemates were called variations on the name Sophie too, because then they’d all leave at once and we’d be happy again.
Anyway, here are the awful sods who’ve caught our eye on Big Brother this week…
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Big Brother started on Thursday night, right? Wrong.
In actually fact, if you want to be bewilderingly petty about it, Big Brother only started last night. Because last night, the final housemates were given official housemate status. True, that meant saying goodbye to Beinazir, but we’re sure she’ll go on to have a bright future. Those Subway signs don’t hold themselves up, you know.
So now we know who the final Big Brother housemates are, the ‘fun’ starts here. Let’s take a look at the Big Brother housemates who’ve caught our eye so far…
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First the facts. This is Big Brother’s tenth anniversary, and the fifth anniversary of us writing about it. We don’t know which is worse.
Nevertheless, the new series of Big Brother kicked off last night, which means that from now until let’s say the end of actual time itself, we’re going to have to watch hour after of hour of preening turdbaskets discussing nothing using a subnormal vocabulary. And we’ll be with you every ghastly step of the way.
But first we should probably introduce ourselves to the newest batch of Big Brother housemates, shouldn’t we? Fair enough, then…
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In just a couple of hours, around thirty waving lunatics are going to be pelvic-thrusting their way into the Big Brother house.
We are going absolutely bananas with anticipation. Who will these people be? Will they be as pretty as the Northern lass from last year who immediately announced that she would never show another human being her breasts as she entered the house, then pretty much left with them both just hanging out? Or will they be more like the Scottish ballet guy who spat at people? We just don’t know. We just don’t know.
What we do know, however, is that some housemates are totally unforgettable. Remember these guys…
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