Hey, you think it's bad that Christie Brinkley's marriage ended because her husband started plonking his man-sausage into a teenage girl he met in a toyshop?

Well, you don't even know the half of it. During the first day of the gloriously public Christie Brinkley/ Peter Cook divorce trial yesterday, it was claimed that Cook spends around $3,000 a month on porn websites. What an idiot - why doesn't he just illegally download his pornography for free like the rest of us do?

Now, we're no mathematicians, but even if Peter Cook found the time to solidly jerk himself into a frenzy three times a day to internet pornography, that still equates to about $33 per ejaculation. $33! For that money he could buy a fresh pair of ladies shoes each time and wank into those instead. That's what most men would rather do, right? Right?

Just us?