So imagine our delight when we discovered that Vanity Fair has just published its international best-dressed list for 2008. A big list of people who are primarily best-known for being able to buy, choose and wear clothes without ending up looking like big a pile of sweaty bumrags? Who wouldn’t love that!

Especially when the Vanity Fair best-dressed list contains such notable names from the world of entertainment as three-time Academy Award-winner Barack Obama’s wife, multi-platinum recording artist Prince William’s girlfriend and regional puppy-juggling contest semi-finalist Nicolas Sarkozy’s missus. Boy, do they know how to wear clothes adequately.

We never thought we’d ever say this – and we’d happily take a slap on the cheek from any of you for saying it – but don’t you miss Kate Moss?

No, us neither most neither most of the time to be honest. But now that Kate Moss has been usurped as supermodel du jour by that funny-looking Agyness woman, it makes things a lot more uncertain when best-dressed lists rolled around.

Time was when you knew that Kate Moss would be named as the world’s best-dressed woman no matter what magazine was publishing the list. But she’s not around so much any more, so who else is there to call best-dressed?

Michelle Obama, apparently. According to the just-out Vanity Fair best-dressed list, Barack Obama’s wife Michelle literally wears clothes better than anyone else on the face of the earth. Forget lobbying for universal healthcare, it’s deeply important that potential first ladies know which way up a blouse goes.

Anyway, why did Vanity Fair call Michelle Obama the best-dressed person in the world?

“Because she’s our commander in sheath.”

What? Seriously, that’s your reason? Because she’s your commander in sheath? What does that even mean? Isn’t a sheath a condom? You like Michelle Obama because she wears condoms? That’s such an odd thing to say, Vanity Fair.

But never mind. You like Michelle Obama because sometimes she walks around in giant person-sized condoms. That’s fine. Who else is on the list? Carla Bruni? Why is she there?

“Because we like her French twist.”

OK, we sort of get it. She is French, after all. You’re forgiven, Vanity Fair. Who else? Kate Middleton?

“Because we’re throwing her hats in the ring.”

You’re what? What ring? Does Kate Middleton wear a lot of hats? Is she famous for that? Why are you throwing her hats into the ring? Because you like them or because you don’t like them? You need to explain yourself a bit better, Vanity Fair. But, hey, at least you put some thought into your reasoning. It’s not like you just rattled off the first rubbish pun based on her name that you could think of. That’d be awful, it really would. Wait, what’s this?

BROTHERS ANDREA and PIETRO CLEMENTE “Because they’re the crème de Clemente.”

MORLEY SAFER “Because he always plays it Safer.”

IRIS APFEL “Because she’s the Apfel of our eye.”

SISTERS ALEXANDRA KOTUR and FIONA KOTUR MARIN “Because they’re Koturs de force.”

BRYAN LOURD “Because he is the Lourd of the manner.”

Oh fuck off, Vanity Fair. Just fuck off.