The 83-year-old has reportedly been told he has weeks to live following chemotherapy treatment for lung cancer and, when confronted with the news, he told doctors he wanted to die at home.

Just as he has proven time and time again through his long life, Paul Newman is nothing less than a man’s man – dictating where death is allowed to get its slimy mitts on him.

While we did all hope that Newman would crack a pool cue over cancer’s back, it would appear that the insidious little bastard of a disease has managed to one-up Butch Cassidy.

While we hope to God, Allah, Buddah, Xenu and everyone else in-between that the reports are as inaccurate as the ones saying Bernie Mac was healthy, recent images of Newman have left us with little hope, showing the legend looking weak and frail – a shell of the man we at hecklerspray have a real love for.

The love we spread around for the marinade king isn’t the kind you would normally get on hearing a legend – and be in no doubt that Paul Newman is anything but a legend – is on their way out, or has recently died. No, hecklerspray has constantly sung the praises of one of the greatest actors the world has ever seen.

We reckoned he was involved in one of the best scenes with one of the top ten movie assassins.

We pointed out his involvement in one of the top ten sports movies of all time.

And we obviously included his turn as a part of one of the top ten movie heists of all time.

Never let it be said we had anything other than utter admiration for the man.

Speaking to the Daily Mail, a friend of the family said:

“He didn’t want to die in the hospital. Joanne and his daughters are beside themselves with grief.”

The source heartbreakingly went on:

“The sudden move angered his children. It’s especially hard for them to come to grips with what’s going on. The word they’ve been given is that he has only a few weeks to live.”

It’s not often we’re lost for words but – well, we pretty much are now. Paul has apparently spent the last few weeks making sure his business and personal affairs are in order, as well as giving away his prized Ferarri to a friend. Not hecklerspray, unfortunately, but we’re not going to complain. Much.

It really has been something of a shitty few days for entertainment news – Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes both suddenly passing away over the weekend, and now the apparent impending death of one of the true greats of cinema. And you wonder why we’re so pissed off all the time.

We are hoping that the reports are fabricated, but if not: make your final marinades Paul – you will be missed. We have used the word a few times already in this post, but here we go again: the man is a legend.

And he makes chicken taste gooooood.

And we’ll be the first to hold our hands up and say: we ‘effed up. Both in printing a story with contradictory information, entitled ‘See – We Told You Bernie Mac Was Going to be Okay’, then going on to delete said story from the site when news of Bernie’s death broke – it was a kneejerk reaction that, in hindsight, probably wasn’t the best of ideas.

In frantically trying to minimise the offence caused by the post, we ended up going against what hecklerspray is all about – so for both of these reasons above we say sorry.

Just as it was not our intention to say anything truly offensive, it was also not our intention to print misinformation concerning Mac’s health. Unfortunately, this is the way it sometimes goes with the Hollywood lark, and relying on the statements of a publicist who is saying the actor was getting better is something we will probably do less of in future, as it’s ended up with us looking like a right bunch of idiots.

Bernie Mac was a popular and respected comedian in his hometown of Chicago, as well as around the US. His profile had extended throughout the world with his burgeoning movie career, though his success and popularity were mainly centred in his native America.

Needless to say though – people knew who he was. The name, the face, those eyes – he may not have been the A-lister everyone talks about, but people certainly recognised the man and his accomplishments.

But what set Bernie apart from the crowd – from the legions of stand-ups turned actors, sitcom fodder and everything in-between – was his attitude towards life. Talking to the AP in 2001, Mac said:

“I came from a place where there wasn’t a lot of joy. I decided to try to make other people laugh when there wasn’t a lot of things to laugh about.”

There isn’t much more you can offer a man with an attitude like that than your respect, and we want to offer up ours through this somewhat insignificant tribute and apology to the man, his family, his friends and his fans.

In fact, there is incontrovertible evidence that Bernie Mac was a good guy – evidence that goes beyond the usual gushing praise the passing of an entertainer usually produces.

The simple fact that the man was very, very rarely featured on the pages of hecklerspray as anything more than a name mentioned.

This isn’t saying the man wasn’t famous enough, or that we didn’t think he was good enough to cover – it just shows that in his personal life, off the screen and away from the cameras, he was a normal, everyday family man. Not a pathetic, attention-seeking, money-grabbing waste of skin like so many of those that adorn these very pages.

So for that at the very least, Bernie Mac, we salute you.

It has been drawn to our attention, however, that a picture exists on another recently deceased entertainer’s website. The late Isaac Hayes, ex-Chef and Shaft singist who passed away yesterday, has a photograph of three celebrity personas who are, from left to right, Bernie Mac, Isaac Hayes and Samuel L Jackson.

Is this a huge coincidence, or is it some kind of warning? Not that we’d want to pick up on any of this mumbo-jumbo, but the fact that the actors are in the correct order of their deaths… well… we’re a bit scared for Sam right now.

Have a look for yourselves. (Note that the site doesn’t seem to have been updated since Isaac’s sudden death, so this picture will probably be removed later today and replaced with a tribute to the soul giant)

Or just check it out here.

Assuming that Angelina Jolie has had herself some kids is one version of the game we’re more than willing to play. Even when it’s as clearly wrong as some people can be. That’s almost fun, if you’re into that kind of thing.

But a new take on the game seems to have been popping up over the course of the year – first we had Patrick Swayze and his cancer that was definitely going to kill him within weeks, then it didn’t, leaving the public confused and Swayze looking healthier than ever. Now it’s the turn of Bernie “I took over from Bill Murray in Charlie’s Angels” Mac to keep the press and public frantically guessing as to whether he’s actually alive, dying or dead.

Frankly, it’s quite a morbid game and we don’t want to play much.

Bernie, 50, admitted himself to hospital on the 3rd of August and was subsequently placed into treatment for pneumonia. It didn’t take long for something of a mild frenzy to whip up, though at first most news was simply taking the ’straight report’ route – as favoured by journalists that can’t be bothered trying very hard – telling the public Mac had been admitted for treatment.

Not long after, a new element was added to the game when reports emerged of an unnamed source – the most trustworthy of all the sources – saying Bernie was in a ‘very, very critical condition’ and alluding to him being either near to death or actually dead. Now, frankly that’s a bit unfair on the man, don’t you think? So, yes, he did do a far worse job than Bill Murray in Charlie’s Angels 2 and his role in Transformers was forgettable at best – but there’s no need to start spreading rumours that he’s actually dead now, is there. That’s just low.

Thankfully, reports have surfaced today quoting Bernie Mac’s rep as saying these words with their mouth – whether they were angry, crying or simply aloof when spouting these communications, we do not know:

“Bernie Mac is still alive and being treated at a Chicago hospital for pneumonia and is expected to make a full recovery.”

But regardless of the emotional state of this so-called ‘rep’, at least they were concise, to the point and didn’t bother with baseless speculation. Frankly, those aspects make the guessing game too hard to judge. At least with direct statements you can almost accept it as fact, especially when it comes from one of these ‘rep’ things with a name, Danica Smith. She went on to say:

“Mr. Mac is responding well to treatment and will be released soon.”

The disease is, according to those that report these things as fact, not related to Bernie’s long-standing sarcoidosis – a chronic disease that can cause inflammation of tissue, especially around the lungs. Mr Mac, as it would appear he likes to be called, has seen the remission of the disease since 2005.

All good to know. Hecklerspray sends our get well soon psychic beams out to you, Bernie.