Articles tagged with: Beowulf
Good, bad.Folded:
Beowulf on Blu-Ray DVD (probably looks even better on a decent 40” plasma. Send us one please)
The Satorialist (while none of us will ever look this cool, we can at least laugh at the ones that don’t quite pull it off...)
Lynx Dark Temptation (this looks interesting, smell like sugary food and ...
December 27. A day even more boring than Boxing Day. The turkey's more rubbery, the decorations are more tatty and you've eaten so much Haribo you've started to hallucinate.
But fear not, because hecklerspray's very own personal best-of-2007 lists are here again to save the day. Literally save the day. Like Superman would. As you know by now, the Spraylist is a chance to shine a light on the essentially contradictory nature of the senior hecklerspray writers by getting them to reveal a bunch of stuff they liked this year, even though chances are all the stuff's been slagged off on these pages within the last 12 months anyway. Probably by the same people who are now saying they liked it. It's a tough life.
Today - our favourite movies of 2007...
As far as ancient English epic poems go, Beowulf is probably the cockniest - and that's based on Ray Winstone screaming the word "MONSTAH" in the Beowulf trailer we saw.
But, hey, it seems like Americans like nothing more than computer-generated movies based on ancient English epic poems starring markedly skinnier versions of tubby cockney actors who, admittedly, could still shatter our skulls with one blow of their tiny cockney fists if they wanted to. That's because the Ray Winstone-starring Beowulf is number one at the US weekend box office - a remarkable achievement for a film that's basically one long PlayStation 2 videogame cut-scene that was written almost 1,500 years ago. Still, Beowulf's weekend box office success goes to show that all it takes to bridge the chasm between ancient literature buffs and the young post-MTV generation is Angelina Jolie's tits and some blood.
When Angelina Jolie made Beowulf, she knew she was making the tricky transition between 'ultra-earnest humanitarian actress' to 'mostly-naked computer-generated Old English mythical half-sex lizard from the year 700 AD.'
And of all the transitions a woman can make, it's probably the hardest one - one minute you're crying over pictures of sad third-world orphans and the next minute you're having your head chopped off by Ray Winstone's virtual sword in a sexy way - but it's one that Angelina Jolie can make without even breaking her stride. And how did Angelina Jolie do this? By turning up to the London Beowulf premiere in a pair of leather trousers so skin-tight that her bum-stitches burst wide open, forcing Brad Pitt to spend the rest of the evening trying to cover up Angelina's arse-spillage with his hands, that's how!
