Paris Hilton had been best friends with Nicole Richie since the age of two – and yet did not attend the wedding of she and Joel Madden. Was Paris dying, finally, of some horrid communicable disease?
Was she otherwise busy finding the cure for her inevitable bevy of STDs? Was she washing her hair? Was she heck!
The wedding of Nicole was attended by celebrities lower on the food chain than former-best friend, Paris. There was friend, and companion on her bachelorrette party, Samantha Ronson, and Gwen Stefani, and Khloe Kardashian-Odom. Read More >>>
A guest blog by Amy Grindhouse…
Katy Perry has been seen out with the former love-interest of Paris Hilton, bad boy rocker Benji Madden.
The I Kissed A Girl singer broke up with Travis McCoy of Gym Class Heroes back in December and seems to have put her faux lesbianism on hold long enough to catch the eye of a new man.
The pair set tongues wagging after they were seen together at an event on Valentine’s Day, seemingly putting past troubled relationships behind them.
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There isn’t a single British citizen alive who, hand on heart, wouldn’t want to see Paris Hilton crowned as their queen.
That’s fact. Paris Hilton becoming queen would be like that hilarious movie King Ralph except, instead of being about a fat American with bad manners it’d be about a stupid American with no manners. Plus it’d be funnier because it was really happening. And, if one wild-eyed report is to believe, it might just come true – Prince William has been named as a possible cause of the split between Paris Hilton and Benji Madden.
Of course, we’re joking. Regardless of the veracity of these reports, Paris Hilton would make a terrible queen of England. Her days are spent wearing embarrassingly ostentatious jewellery, simpering around important people without ever understanding what they do and leeching piles of money that she doesn’t really deserve. Meanwhile, the Queen’s days are spent… hey, wait a minute!
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There isn't a single British citizen alive who, hand on heart, wouldn't want to see Paris Hilton crowned as their queen.
That's fact. Paris Hilton becoming queen would be like that hilarious movie King Ralph except, instead of being about a fat American with bad manners it'd be about a stupid American with no manners. Plus it'd be funnier because it was really happening. And, if one wild-eyed report is to believe, it might just come true - Prince William has been named as a possible cause of the split between Paris Hilton and Benji Madden.
Of course, we're joking. Regardless of the veracity of these reports, Paris Hilton would make a terrible queen of England. Her days are spent wearing embarrassingly ostentatious jewellery, simpering around important people without ever understanding what they do and leeching piles of money that she doesn't really deserve. Meanwhile, the Queen's days are spent... hey, wait a minute!
Our breakfast toast this morning was slightly overdone so we tried to compensate by putting jelly on both sides. The results were surprisingly sticky.
We’re just throwing that out there in case the Drudge Report, E! Online or the National Enquirer want to run with it as a headline. Not interested? Perhaps they would be if they knew we used two different jelly flavours – one of them mint. Also we unconventionally spread it on there with the back of a spoon.
Still nobody interested? Its free you know – we don’t want a cut or anything. Just take the story. You could use the headline hecklerspray double jellies its morning toast with spoon from filthy sink pile.
That’d be far more interesting than the story most of them are running about the Paris Hilton/Benji Madden break-up. C’mon you websites – think of the increased internet traffic!
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The Simple Life all but proved that Paris Hilton will be a bad mother – she can’t even photocopy, so what’s stopping her from dropping a baby down the toilet?
However, little things like common sense and concern for the future of humanity don’t matter to Paris Hilton, which is why she’s told People that she’s desperate to have children.
Don’t be too alarmed by Paris Hilton’s claims, though – if she does have a baby it’ll be an interesting genetic experiment – in four short generations the Hilton family has gone from billionaire hotel chain founder to Paris Hilton, so if our charts are right the fifth generation will mostly resemble the mutant teleported dog from the beginning of The Fly 2.
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It’s a scary time to be alive. Everywhere you look there are people dying, mothers crying, politicians lying and girlfriends prying.
We are told global warming is going to drown us, terrorists are going to blow us up and Paris Hilton is going to have a baby – it’s all too much.
The human body hasn’t evolved the capacity to deal with such misery, and so it seems that mass suicide is the only reasonable option.
But wait! Put down your nooses, brothers and sisters! Kick off those high heels, rip off those fish nets and spit that orange to the floor, because it would appear that Paris Hilton aint pregnant after all!
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The great thing about love is that there really is someone for everyone.
Just look at Sloth and Chunk from The Goonies. Sloth, a malformed man-beast with a saliva control problem and a wonky eye, loved Chunk even though he was an unfortunate-looking kid who got left behind like the whiny dead weight he was.
The same is true for Paris Hilton and her boyfriend Benji Madden. Really the exact same, actually. This modern day Sloth and Chunk are so in love that Benji has slipped nicely into delirium and is blabbering to anyone that’ll listen about how Paris is perfect wife material. See? Just like Sloth and Chunk. Only more repellent.
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Blonde thingy Paris Hilton and boyfriend Benji Madden are being investigated by police for an alleged hit and run, according to The Sun.
They are accused of driving over photographer Glen Gurniak’s foot as they left a club in Los Angeles Thursday.
Gurniak was left grounded, squealing in pain, as if he were nothing more than a piece of disposable paparazzi trash.
However, he soon got up to file a police report against them with the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department. Spokesman Steve Witmore said:
“The incident is currently under investigation.”
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