Now that Michelle Heaton has been evicted, we’re coming to the end of perhaps the most pointless-ever series of Celebrity Big Brother.

And that leaves just one question – will anyone actually notice when it’s finished? Oh, and one slightly less important question – who’s going to win Celebrity Big Brother. Left are Ben, Coolio, LaToya, Terry, Tommy, Ulrika and Verne and, as sad as it makes us, one of them has to win it.

So the rest of the week will be spent evaluating the chances of the Celebrity Big Brother housemates, starting today with Ben Adams, Coolio and LaToya Jackson…

Ben Adams – We can’t make this any clearer than we already have. Ben Adams must not win Celebrity Big Brother. He just mustn’t. Not only has the one thing that kept him fractionally interesting – his weird semi-flirtation with the Liberty X dimwit – come to an end, but just imagine if he won Celebrity Big Brother. Imagine it. What would his inevitable autobiography look like? We’ll tell you what – it’d be a crayon drawing of his hair and then 350 blank pages. if Ben Adams was any more boring, he’d actually vanish. Just like the other three members of A1. Don’t vote for Ben Adams, please. We’re being serious here.

Coolio – One of the most bewildering things about this series of Celebrity Big Brother – other than the fact that people still apparently watch it – is that Coolio was never placed up for eviction despite being almost universally loathed by his fellow housemates. And because of this, it’s difficult to gauge the public’s reaction to him. Do they hate Coolio? Have they taken him to their hearts for the way he kept making Michelle Heaton cry all the time? Are they all going to start cutting slits in the top of their hats to let their silly haircuts through? We’ll find out on Friday. Unless we go out. We’ll probably go out.

LaToya Jackson – LaToya Jackson probably won’t win Celebrity Big Brother, based on the sole fact that she hasn’t actually done anything. But in true Jackson tradition we’re sure she’ll end up doing well. Admittedly, LaToya hasn’t faced the weird racist barrage that her brother Jermaine was put through on the show two years ago but, nevertheless, her escapades with the chillis this week should have made her a fan favourite. Now, whenever anyone starts crying and chanting “It doesn’t hurt” to themselves like an idiot for any reason, they’re bound to think of LaToya Jackson. Truly that is her gift to the world.

Tomorrow: The Celebrity Big Brother chances of Terry Christian and Tommy Sheridan.

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!