The year 2012, what exactly does it mean to you? For enthusiasts of time, calendars and dates, 2012 means a leap year! That’s right, it isn’t one of those run of the mill 365 day occasions. Instead, we get an extra day that normally doesn’t exist! Roll on February 29th!

And this year, thuggish England football fans will be getting excited as they prepare to jet off to Poland and the Ukraine to witness our lads (© The Sun) losing in Euro 2012.

But the mass global event we’re all thoroughly bored of hearing about is the 2012 Olympics. Like a school sports day on a grander scale, millions from around the world will get to see London make a complete mess of it. With the help of an all singing, all dancing and all wrinkled Paul McCartney.

Recently, lizard-president of the UK, David Cameron wanted to see more support come from TV networks so the British film industry could rosily bloom like a bunch of flowers next to a cancer victim’s grave. We all laughed and scorned at the prime ministers suggestions, however, we wish that the same train of thought was suggested to the Olympics.

Us British like a good old piece of nostalgia. Honestly, it’s amazing that some trendy company haven’t found a way of sucking the fondest memories you possess out your brain and converted them into some awful glistening cupcake. Imagine if you ever felt sad or lonely; a delicious slice of nostalgia cake could be scoffed down to get that happy feeling back in your tummy.

Obviously, we’re obsessed about the past because the UK has nothing to look forward to. We’ve already peaked.

From winning the 1966 World Cup or remembering the time when one of our princesses got smushed to bits in a Paris tunnel, you’ll be guaranteed that a tabloid paper will mention it at any given opportunity. In the music world, Paul McCartney is someone that we supposedly can’t get enough of. As someone who played in a band named after his favourite type of insect that weren’t even as good as The Beach Boys, he is amazingly popular and at time of writing, hasn’t been put in a home for his own good.

Britain is a nation to afraid to even vaguely venture in to new territories, kind of like your average holiday maker who insists on getting chips instead of rice with his chicken korma. Once you get into a habit, it’s hard to break it. Think about it, we wheeled out Paul McCartney in 2002 when The Queen had her Golden Jubilee. Though we assume they’d have used Freddie Mercury if he hadn’t died of the AIDS. Speaking about any possible Olympic involvement, McCartney said:

“I am seeing the guy because there is something they want me to do. I might be doing something in the Olympics. I know until then.”

When do we get to vote him into the Dignitas house in Switzerland?

John Lennon’s ‘Imagine’ is a pretty lousy song. Sure, it is still massively popular today, but then again, so is war and racism. Numbers and time multiplied doesn’t necessarily show the inherent quality of something.

Either way, that doesn’t stop people being precious about it and today, various arms are being thrown into the air in disgust (because there’s little else to be disgusted about of course) after Cee Lo Green changed the words to one of the laziest lyrics in pop history.

During a televised performance on New Year’s Eve, the visually impaired Green altered Lennon’s lyrics, turning a line that criticises religion into one that actively promotes it.

Dressed in a black robe and shades (seriously, is he blind or something? He’s a big lad so his eyesight could’ve been taken from him through Type 2 Diabetes complications for all we know), Cee Lo took to the stage and sang:

“Imagine there’s no heaven, it’s easy if you try”

So far, so correct. But then JEEZ! IS NOTHING SACRED ANYMORE?! happened.

“Imagine there’s no countries, it isn’t hard to do. Nothing to kill or die for… and all religion is true.”

Of course, back in ’71, Lennon sang ‘no religion too’, which everyone kinda missed the first time ’round. He also sang ‘imagine no possessions’, while sat in his entirely white mansion, complete with the specially cooled room which kept all his fur coats just so.

Yeah. No possessions. Some people don’t have to imagine it Johnno because they don’t have any, y’spoiled berk.

Naturally, the hooting atheists were quick to complain in the most pious way possible. They took to their pulpits on twitter, with one shouting:

“You sang Imagine in a fur coat & expensive jewelry and changed [the lyrics] to be pro-religion!”

Oh the delicious irony! Green eventually tweeted an apology on his special phone for blind people:

“Yo I meant no disrespect by changing the lyric guys! I was trying to say a world were u could believe what u wanted that’s all.”

He then deleted all his apologies because he knew damn well that most Atheists aren’t even worth talking to. Anyway, here’s the proof of Cee Lo Green singing a different line in an already pedestrian, clunky rock ballad.

Paul McCartney is bringing a new album out. There’s a phrase that hasn’t caused too much excitement since Wings were knee-high to a grasshopper. Unless, of course, you’re a bloated Beatle fanatic who is unable to hear any criticism against any of the Fabs. Ever.

Unless it’s Ringo.

The fact remains, Macca is going to stick a new LP out on 7th February and he’s doing a whole bunch of cover versions because, sadly for him, he’s run out of ideas. The last vague hit he had was ‘Dance Tonight’ and that was thoroughly poo.

Apparently, this new album will be a “deeply personal journey” which will see Macca covering old-timey American songs that inspired him and bandmate John Lennon when they wrote their own tunes.

In a statement (because new albums definitely need ‘a statement’), Sir Paulio said:

“When I kind of got into songwriting, I realized how well structured these songs were, and I think I took a lot of my lessons from them”

“I always thought artists like Fred Astaire were very cool. Writers like Harold Arlen, Cole Porter, all of those guys – I just thought the songs were magical. And then, as I got to be a songwriter I thought it’s beautiful, the way they made those songs.”

Well duh.

McCartney will be teaming up with jazzist Diana Krall and producer Tommy LiPuma who got the recovering mop top to record his vocals in a booth without instruments for the first time in his musical career.

“It was very spontaneous, kind of organic, which then reminded me of the way we’d work with the Beatles. We’d bring a song in, kick it around, when we found a way to do it we’d say ‘Okay, let’s do a take now’ and by the time everyone kind of had an idea of what they were doing, we’d learnt the song. So that’s what we did, we did the take live in the studio.”

So how’s he been doing it since The Beatles? Being lazy and accepting that the first version is the one that gets used because everyone surrounding him is constantly telling him how bloody wonderful he is?

Not that Paul will be short of sycophants on this new album as he’s drafted in Stevie Wonder and Eric Clapton to tickle his ego. That said, Stevie and Clapton probably won’t be in the same room together, especially if Mr Wonder recalls Clapton once shouting from the stage of a show:

“Do we have any foreigners in the audience tonight? If so, please put up your hands. Wogs I mean, I’m looking at you… Where are you? I’m sorry but some fucking wog… Arab grabbed my wife’s bum, you know? Surely got to be said, yeah this is what all the fucking foreigners and wogs over here are like, just disgusting, that’s just the truth, yeah. So where are you? Well wherever you all are, I think you should all just leave. Not just leave the hall, leave our country.”

“Get the foreigners out. Get the wogs out. Get the coons out. Keep Britain white. I used to be into dope, now I’m into racism. It’s much heavier, man. Fucking wogs, man. Fucking Saudis taking over London. Bastard wogs… Enoch for Prime Minister! Throw the wogs out! Keep Britain white!”

Ebony and ivory, live together in perfect harmony. Side-by-side on my piano, keyboard…

The McCartney family have done alright for themselves haven’t they? Weird that those related to a Beatle should make it completely off their own bat, eh? No help from famous papa there at all! Nope. Never.

Anyway, the child that has done the best is Sir Paul McCartney’s daughter Stella. She likes making clothes that you can’t afford.

Now, she’s created a perfume in tribute to her mother, Linda, which is an absolute godsend for people who like to make snide jokes about the deceased.

So, what’s this perfume called then?

Well, it’s called L.I.L.Y. It will be launched at some point between this precise moment and the end of time. Yes, that’s quite vague, but in all honesty, if you cared enough about it, you’d piss-off and read a beauty blog with its tips about cigarette pants, the various fruit-shapes of women and which concealer makes you look less minging.

The name stands for Linda I Love You, which, if you didn’t know, was a nickname given to Linda by Sir Macca.

You’re probably wondering what the perfume smells of, aren’t you?

Well, if it’s a proper tribute to Linda McCartney, it should smell of sprout farts, keyboards, seal tears, mullets, out of tune backing vocals and soya sausages.

Right? Wrong! Apparently, it smells like lily of the valley as well as having hints of truffle and oak moss. And sprout farts.

Perfumer Jacques Cavallier says:

“The truffle was unusual, but I said OK to Stella. I actually told the suppliers we were working with that the extract was for a restaurant! I didn’t want to let people know what we were doing.”

HAHAHAHA! Jacques Cavallier is soooooo funny isn’t he?! WHAT A CAD! Perfumers really are the funniest, wittiest people on Earth aren’t they?

We’re giving up. There’s no point carrying on with talent like that elsewhere. We’re off to make a perfume that smells like Ringo Starr (drumstools and spaghetti hoops).

John Lennon – you may remember him from such bands as The Beatles, Plastic Ono Band and Getting Drunk For Two Years With Harry Nilsson – is, like Michael Jackson and Elvis, one of the deadest, hardest working muvvers in showbiz.

Of course, being adopted by America, Lennon still stirs up a lot of interest with people still keen to paw over his memory.

Naturally, memorabilia is the big winner. So what’s being sold now? Would you believe us if we told you his teeth were up for auction? Cloning scientists, do your worst!

One of John Ono’s teeth is to be put up for auction in Stockport on November 5th and Omega Auctions’ Karen Fairweather – who is in charge of the lot – expects it to land some decent cash.

Talking to the Mirror, she says:

“This is the most -wonderful and weird item that we have ever had for sale… it is a truly unique item and it is really difficult to put a value on it. We are expecting it to achieve at least 10k but it is not unknown for items as rare as this to reach six figures.”

The errant tooth fell into the care of Lennon’s former housekeeper, Dot Jarlett, when the pulled it out himself and told Jarlett to give it to her daughter.

Dot’s son, Barry, says:

“He was in the kitchen and he had this tooth which he had wrapped in a piece of paper”

If some mad scientist with a cloning machine lands this tooth, we could well get a Beatles reunion! Won’t that be brilliant and REALLY BLOODY WEIRD?

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group if anyone is still daft enough to use it

Sir Paul McCartney, of forgotten ’70s beat group Wings, has for some peculiar reason, had his phone hacked by ‘so-called journalists’ and he’s gone grassing everyone up to the police. Including us. We got a letter informing us we’d be under investigation.

Even though we only have one PAYG mobile phone (the one with Snake II on), we do use it to get into people’s voicemails. We’ve got a great story about the not very famous comedian David Schneider, but that’s for another time.

Anyway, Macca is not pleased that we’ve been in his messages, very much in the same way his former wife, Heather Mills, was hopping mad (fnarr) that she’d had her voicemails hacked into and, of course, John Lennon’s chest was very much breached by Mark Chapman with his best gun.

Sir Paul says:

“I am going to talk to the police because apparently I have been hacked. I don’t know much about it because they won’t tell anyone except the person themselves.”

“I do think it’s a horrendous violation of privacy. I do think it has been going on for a long time and I do think more people than we know knew about it.”

Of course, these incredibly famous people aren’t bothered about us. They only want to sue famous people. The Muccas are subsequently going after CNN suet head, Piers Morgan, who edited the Mirror from 1995 to 2004. He’s getting all this lovely stick, thereby allowing us to get off scot-free.

Naturally, Piers denies any involvement in phone hacking, despite the fact he once wrote:

‘At one stage I was played a tape of a message Paul had left for Heather on her mobile phone. It was heartbreaking.’

‘The couple had clearly had a tiff, Heather had fled to India, and Paul was pleading with her to come back.

‘He sounded lonely, miserable and desperate, and even sang ‘We Can Work It Out ‘ into the answerphone.’

Aaaw! Bless Sir Paul. Although, he really should’ve crooned one of his more erratic hits. Any of these would have been great.

Still, funny how everyone is taking phone hacking seriously, given that everyone thought Heather Mills was mental for saying such a thing all those years ago.

You fickle ogres.

Meanwhile, Ringo wonders why no-one ever wants to hack his phone and has been seen handing out his phone number to strangers and telling them his pin-code for his voicemail.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS!

Paul McCartney is all set to headline the opening ceremony of London 2012 Olympic Games alongside other British music stars who probably aren’t nearly as good. Unless they get Girls Aloud on which would be amazing.

The Beatle has told organisers of London 2012 he is “up for” playing at the opener, but which songs he will play is yet to be seen. Or organised at all probably. And Ringo Starr won’t be there, which is simultaneously a shame and of little consequence.

But which songs should Macca consider? Sure, he’s got a massive back catalogue to play with, but there’s some cheeky tracks that are less famous that he should really think about including.

A source says:

“The hope was to have the cream of British music all in the line-up but it now looks like Paul will be joined on stage by some younger stars.

“But of all the people you want, McCartney is number one. He is the ultimate showman and guaranteed to get the Olympics off to a great start.”

He’s not the only McCartney taking part. His daughter, Stella, is designing the kit for the British Olympic team too! That’s nice isn’t it? Not really. We couldn’t care less. And isn’t Heather Mills practising her skiing for the Olympics or something?

Anyway, forget all that. Which songs should Macca play to surprise everyone?

Check My Machine

One of Macca’s weirdest little indulgent moments, but oddly fantastic (why hasn’t someone done a mash-up with this and Carly Simon’s ‘Why?’). Imagine if Sir Paul walked on-stage, performed this, flicked a peace-sign and just buggered off. It would be astonishing.

Give Ireland Back To The Irish

Paul could see such a gigantic worldwide audience as a platform for his own political views and this would be a hilarious thing to perform in the middle of London with Boris Johnson and David Cameron looking on. He should sport an IRA balaclava for maximum impact also.

Temporary Secretary

Just listen to this synth based gonzo pop track and just imagine the look on the face of Sebastian Coe as it thunders out of the speakers at the Olympic stadium. It could well be the most amazing moment in British history.

Why Don’t We Do It In The Road?

Coming in a under 2 minutes, Macca could get his paycheck and slope off for an afternoon off if he performed this. Anyone who complains should be met with “Well, I said I’d do a Beatles tune didn’t I?”

Something from his ‘Fireman’ alter ego

Sound collages and nonsense. Exactly what our Olympics need.

Coming Up

Sir Paul should actually clone himself so he can recreate the video for ‘Coming Up’, complete with his amazing impression of the keyboard player from Sparks.

We All Stand Together

Big sporting events are often soundtracked by a notion of ‘togetherness’ and ‘oneness’. Paul could say… “Okay. You wanted ‘All You Need Is Love’, but that was kinda John’s song… so why not have this instead? And you’ll like it as well. That’s because I’m a Beatle and can do as I please. And yes. I am dressed up as Rupert Bear. What of it?”

Silly Love Songs

The thing that London 2012 really needs is some cod-disco and you damn well know it.

Say Say Say

Of course, Michael Jackson is dead. So who could sit in on MJ’s vocals? Tulisa from N Dubz? Jedward? If he does this, he could go straight into ‘The Girl Is Mine’ as well, and that’d be worth it just for the “I DON’T BELIEVE IT!” bit.

No Songs At All.

He’s a Beatle ferchrissakes! He can do whatever he pleases! So he shouldn’t do any songs at all and just make some mashed potatoes to irritate everyone!

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS!

We despair about living in England. Out of every country in the world, we are the only nation that takes pride in former glories and absolutely nothing else. We’ve got nothing to look forward to. Nothing.

And when it comes to music, no band takes our regressive national pride to stalker-levels like The Beatles. It’s an actual fact that people in Liverpool aren’t christened in holy water. Instead, melted down Beatles records are used to make sure any young child gets a proper passage into the world we live in.

Even though the fab four haven’t made a record for decades (seriously! What’s George Harrison up to these days? Nothing. Lazy oaf!) it hasn’t stopped rock n’ roll granddad Paul McCartney from muscling in with his ideas on how an ageing band with no relevance on modern music can help creating an exciting opening Olympic ceremony. Where’s Mark Chapman when you need him?

When the Olympics do finally arrive, we can only assume that people in the North of England will be grumpy about the whole thing, even though the government want to promote this as a celebration of sport for the entire country, everything seems to be focussed on our nation’s capital.

London itself is pretty much dominated with ropey late night chicken places and people freaking out when a couple of snowflakes fall to the ground, grinding the transport system to a halt. Up in the grim north, nothing much is planned, mainly because people in the south are under the impression that electricity and colour haven’t reached cities such as Manchester, Newcastle and Leeds (although, in the case of the latter, it happens to be true).

Essentially when you dissect the Olympics, it’s just a massively expensive school sports day.

So what is Macca doing there? We don’t know what the Wingsman has planned, but if he really wants to involve all four members of The Beatles, it’ll prove challenging.

Only yesterday, we brought you news of a Japanese monster, forcefully destroying the peace and tranquillity of a pub in Dundee. So it’ll probably be a no-go in regards to propping up the corpse of John Lennon and strapping a guitar to him. Thinking about it further, local seagulls will probably peck his eyes out. Somebody said:

“Macca was just being coy about the details. He has been speaking to organisers and has said he’d love to be involved with the games in some way. The organisers want the music legend to appear alongside other big British acts. And they also want Ringo on stage as well to make it extra special.”

The involvement of Ringo sounds like a bit desperate to us. Sir Paul is probably trying to up his game because Glee are much, much better and more successful than anything The Beatles ever accomplished.

Maybe, just maybe, Macca will simply recreate this piece of Beatle-magic? Here’s hoping.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS!

Yoko Ono’s not a very nice lady, is she? First she split up The Beatles, then she was responsible for a series of musical abortions with the Plastic Ono band and now she’s going out of her way to sully the memory of her late husband by trying to grind as many shekels out of him as possible.

According to Jam, Ono has threatened to sue the owner of a Dundee pub which is dedicated to the former Beatle. Indications suggest that the ”singer” has had her lawyers send a letter to Mike Craig, the owner of “Lennon’s Bar”, that accuses him of copyright infringement.

Craig claims to have spent thousands of pounds on Beatles memorabilia for his pub which was opened in tribute to a member of one of world music’s most important acts. However, the letter from Ono’s lawyers is demanding that he removes all the memorabilia and changes the venue’s name within 14 days or he will face legal action.

After all, no-one but Yoko is allowed to remember John Lennon because if people are allowed to remember him and his contribution to the world in their own way then she would disappear in a puff of smoke and our editor Mof Gimmers would have no-one to fake retweets of.

The owner of ‘Lennon’s’ said: “It’s ridiculous. The pub’s been called Lennon’s for about five years, but the signs will be removed this week.” Before probably muttering “evil witch” or words to that effect under his breath.

Ono is famously litigious in her pursuit of a quick dollar. She has been involved in several legal disputes in relation to her late husband, in an effort to maintain her own ailing relevance. In 2006, she filed a £5.35m lawsuit against EMI and its subsidiary Capitol Records for “wilfully and knowingly under-reporting royalties.” She needs to be kept in hemp.

In 2008, meanwhile, it was reported that she sued the singer Lennon Murphyfor using the name Lennon as a performance name. Although the money-grabbing hippy later revealed that she had not sued the singer, her legal team did object after Murphy applied to the US trademark office for exclusive rights to the name Lennon for musical performances. Clearly those rights should be deferred to a dead man.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS!

Don’t mess with a Beatle. Even the most irritating of Beatles will be favoured over other humans, simply because they’re responsible for those tunes you like. Unbelievably, Heather Mills swiped the crown of most loathed Beatlespouse from Yoko Ono, who seemed to have it in the bag for life.

See, while Yoko initially got heat because everyone was kinda racist toward her, she eventually settled into the world’s ire by simply being a pretentious artist (and no-one likes anyone from the artworld).

Then, along came Heather Mills and, thanks in part to having one leg which made for excruciatingly easy and tiresome jokes from the stand-up universe, became so hated that the National Grids managed to power our homes just on our collective irritation. Then she divorced daft, wacky ol’ Macca and the seething bubbled over into all-out hate. This ensured that any mishap that befell her would be met with titters.

So what’s happened now? Well, while she’s been training to participate in the 2014 Paralympic Winter Games, silly ol’ Heather has broken her shoulder in a skiing accident. As Sonny Bono’s Ghost will testify, people tend to laugh at skiing accidents. Even fatal ones.

That’s because only posh people go skiing, so if you have a dreadful accident, everyone can dismiss it as hilarious, even if you’ve already tragically lost your leg. We, the people, are a cruel and unforgiving bunch. Deal with it, slebs.

According to an Austrian newspaper called Kleine Zeitung, Heather was whisked off to Lienz Hospital by a helicopter, where the pilot probably whistled the guitar solo to Maybe I’m Amazed at her, just for giggles.

At the hospital, Mills roughed it like us plebs by having her bed cordoned off for privacy.

The result of all this will, naturally, be that Heather will appear on various chatshows talking about how people ‘don’t believe’ that people with disabilities can do things like sports, despite the fact everyone absolutely does believe that people with disabilities can do great things. Look at how everybody loves Tanni Grey-Thompson… look at how much she doesn’t constantly whine and bitch to everyone ALL THE SHITTING TIME.

Anyway, the incredibly wealthy Heather Mills will be rubbing her shoulder for a while and we probably won’t hear the end of it.

Inspirational.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS!

Dave Grohl’s a nice guy isn’t he? That huge grinning tooth mouth of his! That fun time Charlie who never has a bad word to say about anyone, ever! Unless you’re Courtney Love that is. Sweet Jesus, he really hates her.

Now hideous, blaspheming supposed nice-guy Dave Grohl has slammed the creator of the greatest television show on Earth, GLEE by basically calling him a whining, simpering git with a God-complex. Which is apparently quite rude!

Ryan Murphy’s incredible sing-a-long comedy which is notable for containing only one funny character has so far worked over the likes of Britney Spears, Madonna, Katy Perry, Journey, Queen and The Beatles. The Glee lynchpins had been expected to add the Foo Fighters to that long list of musical luminaries but Grohl’s distaste for the show and its creator have put a pin in that idea.

Here at hecklerspray we have found it difficult to understand why a hugely successful rock star who is critically acclaimed as part of Nirvana, Queens of the Stone Age and the Foo Fighters is in a position to turn down a television show that is literally so good that it can take a woman with no talent for either singing or acting and refer to her as the show’s muse.

Grohl, speaking to the Hollywood Reporter, stated that;

”You shouldn’t have to do f*cking Glee. And then the guy who created Glee is so offended that we’re not, like, begging to be on his f*cking show…”

Who does he think he is? Some kind of musician? Some kind of artist? Someone that doesn’t really like Glee?! Who knew such people existed?

The embittered Grohl went onto lambast the incredibly lovely Ryan Murphy’s treatment of the pathetic rock stars who didn’t wish to have their music used on the saccharine pep-fest;

”Slash was the first one. [Murphy] wanted to do Guns N’ Roses, and Slash is like, ‘I hate f*cking musicals. It’s worse than Grease’. Then [Murphy's] like, ‘Well, of course he’d say that. He’s a washed-up ol’ rock star. That’s what they f*cking do’.”

While we agree in principle that Guns N’ Roses are terrible (although that’s probably not what they were trying to say), Grohl’s reaction to the whole thing has shown him up as the kind of person that every Gleek should despise. Someone who doesn’t hold having their music auto-tuned by a cynically-marketed comedy-cum-musical up as the pinnacle of their musical career.

Scum.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS!

Glee is rampant and unstoppable! First, we got the chance to announce that Glee was officially better than The Beatles and now, they’ve gone and swiped the crown of Elvis Presley! Elvis is no longer king! Poor old dead Elvis. It’s not really fair is it? He can’t defend himself from the grave now that Glee are officially better than him.

That’s right kiddiekins, despite the fact Glee only appeared on the Billboard Hot 100 chart in June 2009, in that short time, they’ve already eclipsed Elvis in every way.

Glee has rewritten the record books for most charted songs by an act in the list’s 52-year archives. The cast of Glee haven’t even got close to being massively obese and addicted to all manner of colon rotting prescription drugs!

Elvis, who had a twin brother who stood in for him on stage while he was recording new records and the like, took a tortoise amount of time to slowly and painfully amass 108 chart entries from 1958 to 2003. Glee have already got 113 entries on the Hot 100.

Of course, Elvis’ career started in 1956, and thereby predates the Billboard chart. However, he’s had enough time to fill the chart up with dreadful remixes and reissues so no-one can complain or feasibly argue that Elvis is even remotely as good as Glee.

That said, the two are very similar – neither act writes their own songs, relying on others to come up with their hits for them.

In both instances, it is all about the way the songs are delivered that makes them so great. Glee’s ‘Don’t Stop Believin” cover is like Elvis’ ‘I Just Can’t Help Believing’, apart from the fact that Glee remembered that everyone liked choruses. Both songs are arguably the acts most well-known songs.

Glee are now breaking their own records these days – they have nine songs currently in the chart, beating their previous record of having eight charting hits in a December chart in 2010.

There we have it. The record books show it. Elvis used to be pretty good, but now, Glee have been crowned as the kings and queens of pop.

Write the date down. Glee: Better than Elvis. Thank God we were here and awake to catch the momentous news. Hopefully, Glee will stick a thumb in the eye of The former King and so a show based solely on the cover versions Elvis once sang… and they’ve already played shows in Europe, which is better than lazy shit Presley.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS!

‘Never trust a man with a beard’, states the old adage. This is particularly true of our listless editor, Mof Gimmers, who you can see here, modelling one of hecklerspray‘s wonderful t-shirts in the ‘spray bedsit. Unfortunate looking sod isn’t he?

Well, if you’d like to see him getting some hilarious plastic surgery, leaving him looking like Jocelyn Wildenstein, then start buying our many t-shirts. There’s Leslie Nielsen tributes, pandas and ponies, Beatle jokes and, of course, Dr Conrad Murray’s favourite shirt, ‘I Killed Michael Jackson’. AND MORE.

Click here to buy them.

If a random person stopped you in the street and told aliens were invading, you’d assume he was a mentalist and move on. Opinions are like arseholes really, everybody has one and unless you create a Facebook group, nobody will know or care what you think. Reach celebrity status however and all of a sudden people will dribble at each moronic word spouted.

Paul McCartney has reached this stage. Before become a spokesperson for vegetables, he played in a vaguely successfully band called The Beatles and had hit songs including ‘Hey Punch And Judy’, ‘Ha’penny Lane’ and ‘Back In The MFI’.

The music legend gave up eating the flesh of animals in the 1970’s and then proceeded to tell us why we should as well. Frankly, we’re bored of him harping on. Perhaps he’s realised that nobody cares and, is instead, spreading the message of cucumbers to India.

The only people to agree with Paul McCartney are vegetable terrorists PETER. We imagine the members of this meat hating organisation get their kicks by using sprouts as gobstoppers, sprinkled with a little sugar if they’ve been good. When they cast eyes on Lady Gaga’s meat dress, it must have been an apocalyptic moment for them, causing them all rub red onions into their eyes so the pain would go away, with added extra pain to veggie martyrdom.

Why he targeted India is a bit of a mystery, after all he is already halfway there if a U.N survey conducted in 2003 is to be believed. Reportedly, nearly half (42%) of India’s 1.2 billion people are vegetarian. And that was eight years ago, so with a booming population, that number will probably be higher.

Honestly, he could have at least preached to the people of Scotland where the word “vegetable” is as offensive as the naughty “c” word.

Digital Spy reports:

“The former Beatle sent a letter to the Prime Minister of India Manmohan Singh urging the country to declare a day that, he says, would promote the environment as well as healthy living and eating habits.”It would be a celebration of life,” McCartney stated in the letter, according to People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA).”

What Paul McCartney has against meat is a mystery. Did he once order a steak not cooked to his liking? Or when he and John Harrison from The Beetles went through their druggy recording period, perhaps he did something with a farmyard creature that he’d rather forget?

Nonetheless, if he gets his way, all of India will soon be holding hands and celebrating the humble vegetable – forgetting that for millions of years, man has hunted and gathered animals for food and shelter, eliminating the old method of throwing spears at things like dinosaurs for food.

If this does happen, we’ll happily eat a large slice of vegetable flavoured humble pie. Indians have exported their cuisine around the world, so who is a former musician to take away some blokes lamb madras or beef bhuna?

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS!

Today marks the anniversary of that awful, awful day when John Lennon was taken from us too young by crazed Beatlefan, Mark Chapman. Of course, because we’re immature, we can’t deal with grief, so we nervously make jokes to stop us from wanting to head-butt a wall repeatedly ’til we die.

Which is why, with a nod to the Bootleg Beatles, we’ve designed this Bootleg Mark Chapman t-shirt. That’s right! The Bootleg Beatles never wrote a song, so you as a Bootleg Mark Chapman don’t need to actually kill anyone. Maybe you could give the Bootleg John Lennon a dead-leg or something if you’re really keen on being all method actor.

Click here to buy it and don’t worry, it comes in a variety of different colours and sizes.