Articles tagged with: Beatles
For centuries now we've all wondered what would happen if a drunken Ringo Starr were to make sweet love to a liquored-up Mickey Mouse. For most of us the answer is obvious - Pluto would move out. We're not really sure if it'd be genetically possible for them to breed - but a kid eventually born with the mouse's ears and Ringo's sniffer, well he'd have a tough time in grade school. Of course they'd never actually mate for some reason we can't put our fingers on, but they could collaborate in other ways - like in Disney's upcoming remake of Yellow Submarine.
When Hecklerspray finally leaves this mortal realm it'll probably be in a hail of gunfire as we bravely rescue babies from poor people who can't afford them anyway. Strange they could afford all those bullets though. Still, don't call us heroes. It's not anything you wouldn't do if put in the same situation. Unless of course you wouldn't - in which case we'd be totally fine with the 'hero' tag. In fact, you can even build us a monument. Get us one better than George Harrison's though, won't you? We couldn't bear to see our sweet memory trampled so callously under-foot.
With The Beatles Anthology, Let It Be Naked and that horrible Cirque Du Soleil thing, Beatles fans have never been left wanting. But now Paul McCartney has dreamt up a brand new way to make even the most ardent Beatles fan drop to their knees and scream "Stop it! Stop punching it! It's already dead!" at him - he's going to release the never-before-heard, experimental 14-minute Beatles track Carnival Of Light. Carnival Of Light is, of course, probably most famous for being just about the only Beatles track to not be included on The Beatles Anthology because George Harrison and Ringo Starr thought it was rubbish. And look at some of the stuff Ringo Starr has released - he's essentially saying that Carnival Of Light is even worse than Snookeroo.
Having seen off the threat of Islamic terrorism with his recent Israel concert, Paul McCartney is now going after the real menace - the Fillet-O-Fish. Paul McCartney has chosen to summon up all the energy in his wrinkly little body to call on his fans to boycott McDonald's. Not because of the deforestation caused by the fast food industry's mass farming practises, though, or McDonald's aggressive child-centric marketing, or even the potential health risks inherent in a predominantly fast food diet. No, Paul McCartney wants everyone to boycott McDonald's because someone put a photo of Paul McCartney up in a Liverpool branch without asking him first. Come back next week, when Paul McCartney tries to ban abortion because he heard that someone who aborted her pregnancy once hummed three notes from Love Me Do for one and a half seconds in a shower on her own in 1975.
The term 'fifth Beatle' gets thrown around a lot - some say it was George Martin, some say it was Stuart Sutcliffe, some say it was Brian Epstein - but what about Maharishi Mahesh Yogi?
After all, it was Maharishi Mahesh Yogi who introduced The Beatles to Transcendental Meditation and is therefore responsible for that rubbish George Harrison song on Sgt Pepper that everyone skips. Is Maharishi Mahesh Yogi the fifth Beatle, or even the sixth Beatle, or the 18th Beatle?
No. Maharishi Mahesh Yogi is none of these things. Because he's just died.
Lennon and McCartney stopped writing together because Paul McCartney developed a fixation on John Lennon's hair that freaked John out - it's thought that She's Leaving Home was first called I Want To Stroke John Lennon's Lovely Hair.
And he wasn't the only one with a slightly unnatural obsession for John Lennon's hair - because this week an auction sold John Lennon's hair for $48,000. Not all of John Lennon's hair, you understand - that would be creepy - but just a lock of John Lennon's hair. A lock of John Lennon's hair in a bag that you can occasionally open and sniff, pretending that you and John Lennon are such close friends that he can put his hair in a bag and let you smell it. And that's what the mystery hair-buyer will probably do - either that or blast it into the sun, thereby creating an evil nuclear-powered John Lennon to brutally enslave the world with, like in Superman IV.
